Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Commentpalooza and Cleveland kicked New York's ass

I am sitting at a scrubby bar in Altoona, PA sipping a draft and eating a burger. Two loud obnoxious men are sitting to my right, complaining about what a "shithole" Altoona is, which is soliciting irritated looks from the other hulking men at the bar.

Then one of the men turns to me. "And where are you from?" he asks.

"Cleveland," I say. The predictable guffaws and jokes start. I've been hearing this crap my whole life and have no reason to respond. When they finally settle back into their beers, I ask, "And where are you boys from?" They seem to have New York accents. But to my surprise, one of them says, "We're from Gary, Indiana."

Despite the fact that Gary is hardly a garden spot, I bite my tongue, finish my meager supper and leave, wondering if the two of them will get their asses kicked by any one of the big boys at the bar.

That was nearly 18 years ago, but I remembered it today as my hometown reveled in their latest Indian's victory, although you'd hardly know it was a fairly earned Indian's victory. The majority of national headlines and TV spots are about the Yankees losing and the rumors of Joe Torre's imminent dismissal, (although I thought that Steinbrenner was totally out of line and--okay, I'll admit it--Georgie Baby's from the Cleveland suburb of Rocky River--just a stone's throw from where Yours Truly grew up).

Live in Cleveland long enough and you get used to your home town being disparaged. It's particularly bad in sports. Sportscasters almost never fawn over spectacular plays by the Indians or the Browns, instead they point to an "unbelievable" slip on the part of the other team.

Eff off mother effers!

People? The Cleveland team beat the New York team. That's Cleveland on top of New York, which is so much better than beating say Detroit or Indianapolis--which don't think they are better than us. But New York thinks it's better than Cleveland.


Beating New York is even better than beating Pittsburgh. And that's saying something when you're from Cleveland.

Now here's a hint. Next time you're going to say some stupid deprecating tired old joke about Cleveland or Gary Indiana or Anytown USA, don't. Just stop. The only result is that you will look bad. Insults for the sake of insults only insult the insulter.

Did I just say that?

Anywhoo, enough already. I've been notably AWOL in the land of blogs and comments lately and I want to do something about it, so for everyone who leaves a comment on this post, I will add a link to your site (or just give you a shout if you don't have a webpage) in the body of this entry. Talk about Cleveland, your town, baseball, me, yourself, sex, hell, I don't care, just tell me what's on your mind and I'll thank you with a link.



Jim Winter know Cleveland. Jim Winter know Cool. Jim Winter know Erin. Jim Winter know.

Velvet Fog is so smooth, I could pour him over ice cream. No? Oh. Um, okay. Then pass the pinot noir baby and turn up the Nina Simone.

Wisdomstuff has a sig other who seems to be a-crying about the poor lil' ol' Yankee-doodles. Tell that man as long as he got you, baby, he got it all!

Well hello there Robert Loy. I've never met a Green Genius printing devil before. Tell you what, BabyCakes, you come on up here to Cleveland and I'll make you homemade split pea soup. Why I have a hambone in the fridge right now and heaven knows I likes me a suh-thun gentlemen once in a while.

A man named Paul
might be short or tall.
He stopped by here
and tossed me a bit of cheer!

Lady Roxy wears sexy socksies. She as gorgeous as can be and left a tag for me!

Wil Harrison has plenty to peruse over at his place, the Trailer of LoveTel. Yummy yumyumyum!

Diane Vogel Ferri is a writer and a mother and an all-round good girl. But most importantly (at least for today), she's an Indian's fan!

Hal Perry and I go way, way, way back--further back than either of us wants to talk about. He lives far away in LA, but used to be a Clevelander. We miss Hal!

Dan comes around here and that's just fine, even if he has a distracted mind.

DanB and me used to be buddies in college. DO NOT ask him if this one goes to eleven!

sxKitten is one honey of a blogger. She's every bit what her name says, has a great mind and smile to boot. What's not to love?

PocketCT fits in the back pocket of my jeans and helps me through every day and I love it.

Sevnetus is a writer and he says he might even take my Anatomy of a Rant class! wootwootwoot! Hope I can teach something useful--better get crackin' on my course content!

Shaina makes blogland a happy and fun place. I love it whenever I see her shining face.

Dean Cochrane claims to be a barking aardvark. He's the only one I know. He's married to a sexkitten to boot.

Lindsay is too adorable to quantify AND she takes in orphaned pets, so she's sweeter than pie. I think I blow some magic sparkle dust her way ...

Whitenoise is a pilot, one of those sexy-looking men who wear those great suits and fly the plane that takes you to your sister's for xmas. Are pilots that sexy when you get to know them? No. They're sexier than that!

Dear James needs smiles and hugs and laughs. And A LOT of extra caution with a certain woodchipper!

Hoosierboy calls Cleveland a garden spot--now there's a man after my own heart.

Ellison called me the sexiest blogger on the Web! Not sure if it's my heart he's after, but I luvs 'im just the same ...

Ajooja claims to be a grampa, but I can hardly believe it! All grampas should be so cool.

Ken Houghton asked about the Goat. He is safe and sound, we all are. Hope you can say the same--it's a good feeling

Ralph has a site called "boobies and beer" Sounds like everyman's favorite pastime!

Dogsdontpurr is a way-cool artist and hip chick all the way around. She also is hothothot in her nude self-portraits. Dogs don't purr, but I do!

Loops O'Fury is another great artist with a nose ring and a penchant for jumping lemurs

The Good Dr. Doug Hoffman likes frogs and ladies and he snores like me, which isn't all that weird until you consider he's an eye, nose and throat man. Hm.

The Good Garrett has been blogging for a long long time. He has recently caught a big fish, knows a thing or two about daughters and has website that is reportedly worth over 533,000,000 clams, so he must be doing something right.

Satan is a good man all the way around. He's currently at work on his latest "art" film: Gary In Diana. I can't wait until it comes out.

Amy is a the wonderfulest buddy in the world. She lives in a magical cottage that floats above Lake Erie and waves her wand around and turns bad mean people into clumps of daisies!

Beth has the cutest feetsies I ever saw. She also knows an old buddy of mine and probably a coupla secrets from him as well. Maybe one day she'll drag ol' DanB up here and we'll all have a time!

Hey Doug! I only have eyes for you!

Thanks for commenting on my blog RJ! You even left a great recommendation ... you are welcome back here any time.

Libby is a Red Sox fan, but I still love her anyway. And besides, we both love men


Jim Winter said...

If you're from Gary, you shouldn't be badmouthing Altoona. (Been to both during trips to Chicago and Pittsburgh.)

Cleveland, otoh...

Columbus is shiny and Cincinnati thinks it's Mayberry with a skyline, but Cleveland?

Cleveland has 'tude. And when Cleveland is down, it's only between comebacks.

Velvet Fog said...

Cubbies in 08.
You heard it here first.
Maybe 09 then.
2010 for sure.
Or 2011.

wisdomstuff said...

My SO hates NY, passionately. I think the Yankees produce a love/hate reaction, maybe there is no happy medium with them. Hard to love a team that is so big on itself. In my younger days I was a Mets fan. When it comes to sports I just can't be that passionate about anything.

Norrin2 said...

If you think it's tough being from a city that takes its lump, how about a region? I'm from the South, and despite what you've heard not all of us are married to our sisters and we don't eat possum every day.

Paul said...


First caught wind of this blog through your Rainy Day Woman articles in the Free Times, but I've been hiding in the relative safety of Anonymous for the past few weeks while I scope out the scene.

Your articles in the Free Times are always amazing, and this blog is a great rest stop during the workday.

Just thought I'd leave a comment since you're pimping the commenters, but I'm afraid I don't have a website for you.

Keep up the fantastic work - I'll be here to enjoy it!

Lady Roxanne said...

dude.. I totally have a keychain from there.. I think it says horseshoe curve or some shit..


If your interested.. you have been tagged lovely lady..

Anonymous said...

I've met some cool people from Cleveland and have enjoyed my visits there. I do have to admit though that my dislike for the Indians is second only to my utter dislike of the Minnesota Twinkies. But, I was happy to see them knock off the Yankees. My White Sox will return!

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

Erin, I totally agree with you.The commentators were obviously biased - and after the game I'm yelling - why are they spending the first ten minutes boo-hooing over the Yankees - WE won!

Hal said...

Erin, you nailed it. I simply cannot improve your genius.



Dan said...

I sorta live in Cleveland, my dear friend. After all, they filmed the movie Major League in Milwaukee because it looked more like Cleveland than Cleveland did.

DanB said...

The pro yankee sentiment that I've seen and read about over the last couple of days has forced me to projectile vomit violently. I've been following the Indians all summer, and (what a suprise) no one in the media outside of Cleveland seemed to notice how absolutely awesome they were! Wankers.

Things might have been bad for Cleveland back when Ralph Perk's hair caught on fire, or, for that matter, the Cuyahoga River caught on fire, but those halcyon days are long gone. Cleveland is a great town, period.

sxKitten said...

Hey, if Naked Couch Day started in Cleveland, then it's one of my favourite cities I've never been to.

PocketCT said...

Oooh a comment fest how lovely. Wait. What is the topic? Rats baseball! I don't know anything about baseball! Except maybe how to avoid the riots.
I think I would like Cleveland.

sevnetus said...

Thank you, I'll play, and be nice 'cause I'm probably going to sign up for your Rant Class. Put my money where my mouth is, 'cause I couldn't have made it this far (where?) without you. Together we can cha-e-ange the world, or something... Love Ya, Go Tribe.

shaina said...

you forgot me :-(

shaina said...

oh and PS i LOVELOVELOVE cleveland for beating the yankees. i did a happy dance in their honor last night. they made me very very happy, and became one of my favorite teams--cuz you know, i have two favorite teams--the red sox, and whoever beats the yankees. :-D

Dean said...

Hmm... I've got both SEX and the SXKITTEN on my mind.

lindsay said...

i dropped my debit card in the bathroom of a gas station in gary, indiana once.

someone called it in, canceled it for me.

plus, the closest parking spaces are always reserved for the police. i believe gary is full of thinkers.

(i love indiana.)

whitenoise said...

Disparaging a city or region?

How about a country? For example: the New Republic held a contest for the most boring headline in the world. The winner was "Worthy Canadian Initiative" from the New York Times.

I could go on, but, well, sticks and stones and all that. Besides, which, our dollar's now worth more than yours... ;-)

james2285 said...

hear in MI we mostly joke about having to "get through" OH to get anywhere south. but i kinda like it there are som very pretty parts to your home state mostly on the east side but you would never know that unless you venture off the I75.
Ive given up on any pro team from any state as they are all (in my opinion) overpaid and not worth watching. I would rather watch a local little league or High school game anyday.
Mostly i keep my mouth shut in bars local or in other parts as i neve look good getting my ass kicked. I can rant and blither on in blogs because Ive never goten a siber ass wopping. yet!

hoosierboy said...

I have spent lots of time in Altoona. Some time in Cleveland and a little time in Gary. They are all garden spots compared to Syracuse.

Elisson said...

How can I resist snagging a link from the Sexiest Blogger in the Inter-Webby-Net™?

Cleveland? I used to spend plenty of time in Cleveland on bidnis. Nothing wrong with it that I could see. And the last time I was at Yankee Stadium, the Indians handed the Yankees' asses to them, stomping them 24-8.

ajooja said...

Gary, Indiana is a shithole, and I'm really happy for your Indians.

I felt the same way last year when the commentators talked shit about my Cardinals all month long.

When we won the World Series, I didn't really care what they said. It's like we were able to give everyone the finger ... and it felt really good.

I hope you can do the same thing in a few weeks.

Ken Houghton said...

Hey, Cincinnati is "Mayberry with a skyline"--and not much of a skyline at that.

Cleveland, otoh, Rocks. (Learned that from Ian Hunter.)

Ken Houghton said...

Btw, please reassure us that The Goat is not 42, doesn't not work in the school system, or both.

Ralphd00d said...

What ya think? Cleveland and Arizona in the WS? Good luck against Boston!

Anonymous said...

I know nothing about sports, and
I haven't blogged in wayyy tooo long, so I probably have no business commenting here in exchange for linky~love. But who can pass up a little linky~love from Erin?!

linky~love linky~love linky~love!!!


Loops O'Fury said...

I hear ya. I'm from Cincinnati. It isn't the armpit of Ohio, but it's decidedly lamer than Cleveland. I'm immune to a lot of the derision though, because I don't follow sports.

Doug said...

the whole sports thing leaves me dry. Always has. My idea of fun is watching female figure skating for the crotch shots.

Nothing much at the blog today, but I'm gonna run a photo spread on microorganisms sometime tomorrow. Oh, and if you dig down far enough at my place, you'll find chocolate cookies.

garrett said...

I support sports rivalries.

Satan said...

gary in diana is the best name of a porn movie that has not yet been made that i am aware of

Amy said...

Terry Pluto likes to say about baseball despair: "Don't let the millionaires ruin your day." But he isn't talking about the Indians, James2285. They're near the bottom in MLB payroll, which makes victory over NY even sweeter.

Beth said...

People I like are happy about the Indians, so that makes me happy. Being from a little town in the mountains of NC, I don't have a team to whom I am loyal. So, GO INDIANS!

And, please listen to Erin's advice about Dan B. Never, never, never ask him if it goes to 11.

Doug said...

Ack! It's EAR, nose, and throat. Don't associate me with those eye doctors. Jeez.


Anonymous said...

Manny Ramirez, #24, LF, Boston Red Sox. Hit .375, 2 homers, 4 RBIs, 5 walks, on-base percentage of .615 in 3 game sweep of the As. Good luck Cleveland.
Have never blogged or commented on a blog. Made my way here via a random search inspired by some strange impulse to revisit Leaving Las Vegas. RIP John.
Me, 53 year old recovering drug addict/alcoholic originally from Birmingham< Alabama. Attended The University of Alabama. Ocaisionally found myself in a bar with Barry Hannah who was later writer in residence at Ole Miss. He wrote my favorite collection of short stories ever, Titled "Airships." If you haven't read it you should. You would like it.

Randy Johnson, dreamersdo97@dtccom.net

Libby Spencer said...

Ah, how soon they forget....

Maybe I shouldn't be commenting on this thread because I'm a Mets/RedSox fan. I'm afraid we may be rivals at some point. OTOH, the Mets pulled off the biggest disaster in the history of baseball this year so maybe it will be ok even if I do love CoCo Crisp?

Libby Spencer said...

Oh sweetie. Thanks for the link. And not to worry about the baseball thing. We all know the Sox always choke at the critical moment. I'd be thrilled to see the Indians win.