Saturday, September 12, 2009

For and against

I am against the guy who invented automated paper towel dispensers for public bathrooms.

I am for piano movers.

I am against reruns of The Price is Right.

I am for bubbles.

I am against poison ivy.

I am for go-carts.

I am against traffic jams.

I am for the blue-haired lady in the purple subcompact car who stopped and gave me, Erin the Pedestrian, the right of way.

I am for percolator-style coffee pots.

I am against John Boehner.

I am against slot machines.

I am for John Boehner playing slot machines.

I am for hot pillow motels.

I am against Chicken McNuggets.

I am for barbershop quartets.

I am against alarm clocks.

I am for quickies.

I am against the tall and handsome scrub-clad surgeon who nodded and smiled as he stepped backwards and away from the bewildered-looking Salis family in the surgery waiting room while reaching for his singing cell phone, then gave them a final wave goodbye as he said "Hello" into his Moto and made a 2 p.m. cocktail date.

I am for self-checkout.

I am against ironing boards.

I am for butter sugar sandwiches.

I am against Fox News.

I am for Ron Popeil.

I am against WalMart.

I am for 80-year-old volunteers named Gloria.

I am against anyone who takes up the whole grocery aisle, no matter how they do it.

I am for guys who carefully stay still when the lady sitting next to them (whom they do not know) falls asleep on their shoulder on the airplane.

I am for sparklers.

I am against Rush Limbaugh.

I am against Glenn Beck.

I am against Ann Coulter.

I am for tacos.

I am against guys who threaten with Cold Dead Hands.

I am for Dr. Seuss

I am against Dr. Phil

I am for tuxedoes, saris and ponytails.

I am against the guy in the Escalade who turned onto Broadview Road right in front of me and made me swerve even though there was no one behind me.

I am for orgasms.

I am against ingrown toenails.

I am for glass elevators.

I am against glass ceilings.

I am for crazy straws, hula hoops and unicycles.

I am against green Jello mold salad.

I am for lipstick stains.

I am against Robert Tilton.

I am for penguins.

I am against spanking.

I am for spanking.

I am against not being able to come up with another good against.

I am for teardrops.

* * *

55 comments:

james2285 said...

I am for erin o'brian cutest writer on the net. im not against anything at this early hour.
james

Jim Winter said...

"I am against Robert Tilton."

I am for Robert Tilton.

I am against what he does.

I am for the flatulent vandalism of his TV show as it is protected as parody. Those are just great freakin' videos.

I am against the fleecing of his faithful.

I am for his periodic downfalls.

I am against his wife singing on the air.

I am for his wife singing in the nude.

I am against leaving the sound unmuted while Maria Tilton sings in the nude.

I am for Robert Tilton losing every dime he's ever "earned."

Barring that, my parents were faithful Christians who found his "prosperity gospel" deeply offensive. I am for them tapping God on the shoulder and saying, "Yeah, that asshole down in Miami. Think you can hit him blindfolded, Lord?"

I am against a city bus missing Robert Tilton as he crosses the street. Bus drivers should have better aim.

I am for Bass Ale.

Jim Winter said...

I am for naked chicks. Fat ones. Skinny ones. The less likely to grace the cover of COSMO the better. Cupie dolls are for losers.

Erin O'Brien said...

I am for James.

I am so for Jim Winter, I can barely keep my pants on.

Velvet Fog said...

I am for exposed breasts.

Apogee_V said...

I'm for Erin!

shaina said...

im for blogger friends!

Dr. Phil Plait said...

"I am against Dr Phil"

Hey!

Ken Houghton said...

I am for automated paper towel dispensers, which reduce the contagion/virus risk, at least in the men's room.

"They are one person/They are two a--lone/They are three together/They are FOR each other."

astropixie said...

i agree with everything... except maybe the butter sugar sandwiches, but i've never actually tried one!

i am for skinny dipping.

i am against cigarette smoking.

i am for universal health care.

i am for public transportation.

i am for reading to kids.

i am against shitty beer.

i am for breast feeding.

i am for wearing costumes at any occasion.

i am for looking at the stars at night.

i am for saying hello to strangers.

Erin O'Brien said...

My breasts are exposed RIGHT NOW, Fog!

I am for Agogee and Shaina being for Dr. Phil Plait.

Houghton? Must you be so serious?

I am for everyone named astropixie trying a butter sugar sandwich.

Wil said...

I am for Erin's really beautiful feet, and the rest of her for that matter, including her witty mind. WTF?

"I am for hot pillow motels."

Never heard that term. Would that be like The LoveTel, "4 Hour Nap Special" that I manage?

ben said...

I am for Erin, and entries like this.

I'm against waste. Blogging is not a waste.

I'm for people that don't believe the same shit I do.

I'm for beer, and the sooner and colder the better.

Michael Manning said...

Hey, I love Go-Carts and also passed by Dr. Seuss' home in Los Angeles several times!

Hal said...

I am for fuel efficient vehicles.

I am against SUV's.

I am for slowing down when some asshat in the right lane tails you while flicking his headlights to get you to go faster.

I am for Dennis Kucinich.

I am for Barak Obama.

I am against Hillary Clinton.

I am against conservative talk radio.

I am for protesting the war.

I am for easy chix.

I am for the Cleveland Indians.

I am against the Yankees.

I am for working out and feeling great.

I am against sloth.

I am for breasts.

I am for stopping now.

EBEZP said...

I am for alcohol, sex, naked women , cigarettes and Erin!!

Jim Winter said...

"I am so for Jim Winter, I can barely keep my pants on."

I am so for Erin taking her pants off.

Steve said...

I am for automated paper towel dispensers.

ajooja said...

I'm against barbershop quartets with sparklers. Fuck those guys.

Bobby Farouk said...

I am for me.

I am against me.

shaina said...

i am for you going to look at my blog. my boobs=win.

*hugs*

Amy L. Hanna said...

I am for 3rd party and other so-called "fringe" candidates running for political office.

I am against political parties using their interns as "records" ferrets and for other nefarious gopher "deeds".

I am for the abolition of the electoral college.

I am against having my coupe's driver view frequently blocked by SUVs and other freakishly sized urban monstrosities while on the road.

I am for using the passing lane for passing purposes ONLY.

I am against brown-nosing.

I am for French kissing.

I am against ass-kissing ... that is, unless someone who likes me offers to kiss mine.

I am for the woman in the mirror.

I am against those who think and act as if they are above their own reflection.



And lastly ...

I am for bloggers like Erin O'Brien because she always has something to say, and knows how to make it stick in your head.

sleepydog said...

I am for Rock n' Roll

I am against auto-tune software that makes every "singer" these days sound like a robot.

I am for Erin O' Brien

I am for Erin O' Brien

I am for Erin O' Brien

abngourmet said...

I am for good food, the kind made by folks in their home for people they care about.

I am against fast food, McDonalds, and processed foods (most of which is in your local megamart).

I am for soldiers.

I am for soldiers.

I am for soldiers.

I am against politicians, regardless of party, who use them [soldiers] as pawns to get elected.

I am for disabled veterans. Horribly disabled. They all deserve a debt we can never repay.

I am against State Department weenies who think they're better than the military because they went to college.

I'm for Farmer's Markets.

I'm against Walmart. And especially Super Wal Mart.

I'm for good cutlery, particularly F.Dick and Shun.

I'm against whole cutlery sets that cost $25.

I'm for the Slow Food movement.

I'm against chain restaurants.

I'm against Hillary Clinton, Obama, and John Edwards.

I'm against Hillary Clinton, Obama, and John Edwards.

I'm against Hillary Clinton, Obama, and John Edwards.

I'm for Dodge trucks.

I'm against Fords.

I'm for folks who drive fast.

I'm against folks who drive like they've prematurely received their AARP cards.

I'm against poorly timed traffic lights.

I'm for a woman's right to choose, even if I may personally disagree. It's her body after all, and the matter is between her and her husband/partner. Who am I to tell her what to do with it?

I'm for increasing the size of our military. Trust me, it's stretched as it is.

I'm also for increasing the size and competence of our State Department.

I'm against higher taxes. I'm for the fair tax.

Most importantly, I'm for my friend Erin.

Al
The retired Army Guy

Anonymous said...

other than the political bs, I agree.
We handed our lives over to professional's and see what it has done to all of us.




James Old Guy

DogsDontPurr said...

I am for feather pillows.

Anonymous said...

sugar bread rocks.
jo

Just Another Girl said...

I haven't had sugar bread since I was a kid. Thanks for the flashback!

LimesNow said...

I am for Erin!

I am against moving anonymously and silently through the world - say SOMETHING, dammit. Leave your mark.

I am for pop beads and little girls' plastic high heels.

I am against mean people.

I am for cats.

I am against butter/sugar sandwiches, but . . .

I am for grilled cheese.

I am against men with no spines.

I am for women with spines and brains. Oh, I already said that. I am for Erin.

Kirk Jusko said...

I'm against the automatic fawcets in a lot of mall bathrooms these days. For one thing, they don't work half the time, and if you're like me and half a bad habit putting the soap on your hands first....

I'm against mindless technological preogress.

I'm against a mindless lack of technological progress.

I for somebody somewhere who's a lot smarter than me figuring out how to get the working class to vote liberal. Yes, I've watched ALL IN THE FAMILY, but they can't be all like Archie Bunker.

To be continued...

DogsDontPurr said...

I am against computer updates! Grrr!

I am against log-ins, sign-ins and passwords!

I am for pizza and beer!

I am for the beach!

I am for winning the lotto!

I am for free samples!

I am for purple toenail polish!

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

Brilliant. I don't know how you do it but I love when you do.

Anonymous said...

Now wait just a minute petite buxom blogger. Ironing is one of my few sources of pride as a single male. Almost equivalent to Helen Reddies "I am Woman." "I Am Iron(ing) Man." (sorry Ozzie)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extreme_ironing

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://x3mpeople.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/1_46.jpg&imgrefurl=http://x3mpeople.wordpress.com/2008/12/11/extreme-ironing-what/&usg=__cFY13oN_Zz3yjH6c49TS_BNs00I=&h=480&w=600&sz=34&hl=en&start=17&tbnid=izOf6F2cXF8UGM:&tbnh=108&tbnw=135&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dextreme%2Bironing%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG


RJ

dean said...

I am for forethought.

I am against four-flushers.

I am indifferent on the subject of foreskins.

I am for forty-something broads.

I am against fourteen year olds masquerading as 19 year olds selling cosmetics.

I am indifferent in the matter of the four-colour map theorem, although I see it might have some bearing on the application of makeup.

I am for four speed manual transmissions. Five and six speeds are ok too. I'm actually more for them, but they don't work very well for my FOR FOUR list.

I am against four speed automatic transmissions.

I am indifferent on the subject of tiptronic transmissions. Seems like a manual transmission without the hard part.

Craig Hughes said...

I am for conservatives.

I am for liberals.

I am against diatribes that are personal attacks on people or positions.

I am for civility.

I am for humor and parady.

I am for smart, cute bloggers.

Hell, I for smart, cute women. Period.

Kirk Jusko said...

I am for the female belly buttton (I've noticed that, outside of the beach, the bare midriff look seems to be finally going out of style. 'tis a pity)

I am against conformity.

I am against reverse conformity (you hipsters out there, or whatever you're calling yourself these days as I am not hip enough to know the current term, I'm talking to you)

I for understanding why people feel the need to conform (It's not like I want to put a gun up to people's heads and force them to be hippies. I'm just against undue peer pressure, that's all)

I'm against legacy comic strips (unless they're put together by a commitee, like Garfield)

I'm against comic strips put together by a commitee (like Garfield)

I am for Bobby Kennedy not getting assassinated in 1968 and going on the win the presidency.

I am against bowel movements (why can't your bodily waste just turn into an invisible, orderless gas that floats out of your skin pores?)

Wal-Mart? I'm certainly not against people on fixed incomes shopping there. What do you want them to do, rob a bank? If you're going to be against Wal-Mart, you better also be against unrestricted free trade with countries that have much lower standards of living than ours. That's what's driving the economy of the whole planet down.

LimesNow said...

Dead-on, Kirk Jusko! Tip of the hat to you. What AILS us is the unrestricted free trade. Eventually, we will live like they do. We'll have no choice left.

Contrary Guy said...

I am for this week's nice weather staying here all year long.

I am for getting rid of every politician we have in the US and starting over.

I am against believing that either of these things will happen.

Kirk Jusko said...

I am for enthusuastic reponses to my comments, such as the one I just received from LimesNow.

I am for a first choice/second choice on ballots from the President on down, with a runoff if nobody gets a majority (that way you can let your hair down and vote for a Ralph Nader or (i'm being impartial here) Pat Buchanin, and also vote for a major party candidate, and not worry about throwing your vote away)

I am against aliens from another galaxy coming to Earth and sucking the blood from our faces as we sleep (just wanted to see if you were paying attention.)

Kirk Jusko said...

I am for nobody noticing that I just put a parenthesis inside of a parenthesis.

Erin O'Brien said...

I am for Mr. Jusko checking to see if his humble hostess is indeed quietly doting over her readers' musings.

I am against Mr. Jusko's incorrect application of nested parentheses and would thereby direct him to the use of [square] brackets if indeed, a nested parenthetical thought is necessary.

I am for Mr. Jusko being against blood/face sucking aliens.

Earl Tesch said...

I am for using 'fer' instead of 'for.'

I am fer using 'agin' instead of 'against.'

I am agin all sorts of stuff that Erin is fer.

I am fer all sorts of stuff that Erin is agin.

I am fer folks that can disagree and still carry on a civil conversation.

I am fer peace and I'm willing to kick someone's ass to get it.

I am agin the idea of a literary canon.

I am fer circus performers being shot out of a cannon.

I am fer puns.

Erin O'Brien said...

I am furry.

LimesNow said...

I noticed, Kirk. It's just that I'm against being harsh when there's nothing to be gained from it.

I am for reacting enthusiastically when someone says something in a way that strikes a chord within.

sleepydog said...

Damn, I’m always late to the party.

I’m for being on time.

I’m against being late.

I’m for music.

I’m even for bad music, if that’s all that’s available.

I’m for good beer.

I am against bad beer (except at the ballpark)

I am for sleeping in on Sundays.

I am for doggie kisses.

I am against Ticketmaster’s ridiculous service fees.

I am for giving it your all

I am against mailing it in.

I am for having a good time

I am against having a good time at others’ expense

I am for making change to make things better.

I am against change for change sake.

I am for doing unto others as I would have done to me

I am for helping.

I am emphatically for helping the helpless

I am against helping those who are unwilling to try to help themselves.

I am for truth

I am against lies.

I am for love.

I am against hate.

Did I mention that I am for music?

And the ladies, can’t forget that I’m all for the ladies.

(Clearly, I am also against brevity, sorry)

Erin O'Brien said...

I am for marital aids.

Erin O'Brien said...

To anyone who may still be paying attention, yes I originally posted this about two years ago. I just dig it so much that I wanted to run it again for new readers.

I left the original comments intact, and I edited the content oh-so-slightly in order to update the political references to more current players.

I left out a note about this being a rerun. I wasn't trying to be dishonest, but putting some big explanation on this would have messed up the magic for the new readers.

Most importantly, I am really FOR all of you commenters.

Kirk Jusko said...

LimesNow, if you mean you noticed the parenthesis within a parenthesis, I noticed it myself. Unfortunately, I only noticed it after I clicked on "publish your comment". That's what I get for not profreading it first (incidentally, thanks.)

Erin, as one of the newer readers, I was wondering who all those people were, and why your picture looked different.

LimesNow said...

Kirk, I was saying I noticed, but why would I be critical? You post good, cogent comments, you MOSTLY don't make typos, etc. ;} My point was that I'm against hammering people for a mistake that just doesn't matter this one time. I'd have let it slide!

Erin, if you have time, check mine out tomorrow. I liked this so much, I wanted to steal it from you with only a couple of days in between! I did something a little different and not nearly as good, but you sure lit a fire under me.

Once known as The Badger said...

I'm against all the good things already being spoken for! But I got here late. I'm for getting here! What a great piece! I'm for a great piece! I'm for coming late to the party and finding it such a good place to be.

Tag said...

I am for Tracy aand Hepburn

I am for for Gable and Lombard

I am for Bogie and Bacall

I am for Sonny and Cher

I am for 7up and Black Eyed Susans

I am for Huevos Whateveros at 4 am.

I am for the Zodiac

I am for the night sky in either a desert or way out to sea

I am for hump-backed Whales

I am for cancer survivors.

i am for sunrise and sunset

I am for lunar colonization.

I am againest government paying for lunar colonization

I am againest rambling.

I am for Ramblers

Aristedes DuVal said...

DR. Phil is a jerk. Why did Oprah have to unleash him on us?

Aristedes DuVal said...

I am for EOB and probably against most of the against stuff. I like the format.

rox said...

I am for self-checkout

I love self checkout too but worry about whether this cost people their jobs.

I have a friend that PURPOSEFULLY leaves her cart in the WRONG areas of the lot, thinking she is creating jobs! HONESTLY!

Well, hope we make the world a little better!

Rox

Punishingly Younger said...

I am for old teddybears that remember my childhood hugs.

I am against making do, when the best is possible.