Yum

Take a bar of Trader Joe's Belgium milk chocolate. You could use some lame Hershey bar or some snotty four dollar bar depending on who you are or how you feel. I like the Trader Joe bar cause it doesn't cost too much but it has that creamy European taste that makes me feel like I'm something other than a silly housewife in Cleveland, Ohio.

If you really want to rock your face off, you'll need a pretty crispy and salty pretzel. My local Giant Eagle brand has these extra salty rings. Now that's what I'm talking about. Your Rold Golds are sort of pussy when it comes to the salt, so I don't use that shit. But far be it from me to judge a man by what he houses in his pretzel jar.

You like your Rold Golds? Have your Rold Golds.

I think the photo pretty well explains how to build one of these mothers--one smallish pretzel, one square of chocolate. Don't eat it in two sissy-ass bites or anything like that. And if you use a proper-size mini pretzel, you won't have any worries about the effer being too much all at once. Only have a big pretzel? Sometimes you've just got to finesse it, people. Break your bigger pretzel into pieces if you have to for chrissake. Now pop it in your mouth.

Is that down or what?

About the only way to improve on this is to add one hickory roasted almond. you could add a roasted peanut, but come on already. You don't want to dumb down your Trader Joe's Belgium with a shitty nut.