Friday, June 01, 2007

Walking the walk

Now that I have a camera phone, I can take pictures of things when I walk the earth for mile after mile after mile. This is a picture of some red licorice candies that were strewn about the sidewalk. They were shaped like little schnauzer dogs. I think it must take a very angry person to throw little red licorice schnauzer dogs all over the place.

This is a pair of purple underwear. I do not have any purple underwear, nor can I remember ever having any. Hence, I'm pretty sure these aren't mine, but I'm not positive.

This is a rubber glove. I run across these on a pretty regular basis. Sometimes it's just the one glove. Sometimes it's one glove, then a few yards down the pike, you find another. I had a box of rubber gloves but I used them all up. I never threw them out all over the road, though.

I've been waiting on this baby.

This is Used Condom Number Three of my whole life. That does not include condoms in which I partook of the use*. It just includes condoms I've passed by while loping around trying to think and figure out the world. Ever since I got my camera phone and this blog, I've been waiting and waiting for Used Condom Number Three. Finally happened. So here you go people, the Darwinian Imperative: stymied. You are not going to believe this, but I really and truly came across this baby the very next day after posting this. And I found it in a whole different part of town. I could have posted it then, but no one would have believed it.

I just thought this was sort of sad.

*I cannot figure out how to say that with grammaricular correctitude, so you just have to deal with it


EBEZP said...

So we enter the camera phone age! Good pics btw and wonderful subjects!
The third condom syndrome hey?
One of our sites I used to work at every weekend it would take about 5 minutes to get to number three every single sunday morning. The average number on a Saturday was probably about 10 but sunday morning about 30!
In full view of cctv as well!

Norm said...

I eschew grammaricular correctitude myself, so your post was perfectly cromulent as far as I am concerned.

Vocabularextensism, however, is tyrannosaurical.

Bobby Farouk said...

I think I know that condom. We had coffee together in Brattleboro. He said he was going to Cleveland. I said it didn't make any sense to go to Cleveland when he could just as easily visit Troy. This made him angry. I told him to calm down, which was a bad idea because condoms hate to be told to calm down. It was an ugly scene: an angry condom throwing coffee in my face and storming off. The last I saw him he was hitchhiking to Albany. I guess he made it to Cleveland.

Mongrel Porksword said...

That condom is too small to have been mine.

The Fool said...

H'lo Erin...You should take the little red licorice schnauzer dogs home to be friends with your soap poodles. At the middle school where I work, the kids like to put condoms over the water faucets in the bathrooms and then turn them on trickle to explode later. We have a "color of the day" according to what color they use. I think we should pass them out in school colors, but our health teacher is very abstinence oriented (and if you met her you would know why).


Dean said...

Farouk is mistaken. This is easy to understand: all condoms pretty much look alike, except the ones with little alligator ribs on them, or those other funny novelty ones you can buy for a buck in the men's can at pretty much any strip joint (except, I think, in Alabama, where they are considered too immoral even for a strip joint, and which, incidentally, you should never let anyone stick into you, because they are cheap and cannot be trusted to keep those precious little spurts of manhood separated from those darling little eggses of womanhood), so if Farouk were to be mistaken it would be entirely understandable.

Which he is. Condoms can't get from Brattleboro to Cleveland owing to a lack of opposable thumbs with which to drive or hitchhike or handle, like, money (which you kind of need, duh, to buy a bus ticket), even though they are sort of purse-shaped and could store luggables, like lotions and such, within themselves.

No, that there is a native condom. That's a Cleveland condom right there. When it speaks, it sounds like a squeaky version of O'brien, only without the webcam and the really fine cans. When it drinks, it drinks Stroh's or some such fine(sic) American pilsner brew. It doesn't have a clue what a mountain looks like, or an ocean. It knows cold winters and hot summers and, lord knows, a dick or two.

josh williams said...

This is all well and good. I belch, look at the clock and realize it is late and I have passed the hour of wit. More later.

Loops O'Fury said...

I never cared about camera phones until I read this post. Now I wants one

Bobby Farouk said...

Condoms hitchhike all the time. The problem is getting a ride.

Carla said...

Oh the interesting things one sees when one has a camera phone. That little condom was just waiting until you got the phone to reveal itself. I like the Fool's idea about the dogs.

Erin O'Brien said...

EBEZP, baby, sounds like the time to visit those sites was Saturday night.

Norm, baby, it was cromulent.

Farouk, baby, he was down and out when he got here. I gave him enough money for a vanilla latte and a biscotti, though. i think he'll be all right.

Pork, baby. Baby, oh baby.

Fool, baby, at least the kids these days are using something.

Dean, baby, I never knew I had so much in common with condoms. It's a good condomnation, methinks.

JW, baby, I'm waiting.

Loops, baby, you gots to get you one!

Farouk, baby, I myself have picked up a condom or two.

Carla, baby, the poodles loved the schnauzers. Now they want a sweet little pussy treat. I dunno ...

Rory Harper said...

Rats. I can't stand not knowing....

What the hell are you doing in your (not so) private life that requires you to use up an entire box of rubber gloves, Erin?

There are some really disconcerting images floating around in my head right now.

Kinky pleasures or serial killer?

Or both?

Felix said...

Well, the Doggie shows up, the Underwear comes off, the doggie gets into the Latex (Gloves) and then into the box. Then afterwards the Condom is disposed of by the doggie (or his owner). Finally Cigarettes are used.

Am I reading too much in this?

jungle jane said...

Can't believe you've only ever seen 3 used pavement condoms! I see 3 a day where i live.

I find it funny to fill condoms with green cordial and leave them on the pavement with a note saying "I just fucked an alien"...

Lipp said...

Have you seen my purple panties?
Yes I have,
I've been eating them for weeks now,
Haven't got sick yet.


Doug said...

"That does not include condoms I have hosted." How's that?


"That does not include condoms I have entertained." Yes, I like that one better.

Erin O'Brien said...

Rory, baby, here's one example. And if you were here, I'd even demonstrate!

Felix, baby, you can read as deep into me as you like.

J, baby, I wonder if aliens are well hung.

Lip, baby, then what were you doing with licorice schnauzers for pity's sake!?

Doug, baby, the last condoms I entertained didn't even leave a tip, the ungrateful little bastards.

josh williams said...

It is to early for the hour of wit...more later.

jamwall said...

aarrggghhhh! i HATE IT when people throw their used condoms out of their cars during rush hour!


Timothy Gager said...

I put a used condom in a time capsule with a note the said, "Sex with me can last a long time>"

Timothy Gager said...

I put a used condom in a time capsule with a note that said, "Sex with me can last a long time!"