Favorite bumper sticker: BUMP in bold block letters.
Favorite moment: Those mothers down in Tennessee go effing fast. I was standing on it the whole trip, doing 85 - 90 as often as not. I'm over in the right lane, getting effing passed as I'm pushing 90 in Tennessee. Here comes Hotballs behind me in a service van, horn blaring as he goes to pass. Then he keeps on the goddamn horn! I look at him as he goes by like, what's the effing problem, Hotballs? And he looks at me like he doesn't have any idea what the problem is. I take a swig of my Diet Pepsi and the horn stops.
I had been resting the pop can on the horn button. It was my own horn.
Favorite peeve: Those godsquad road signs. "If you die today, where would you spend eternity?" and "HELL IS REAL" and the one that lists the ten commandments.
For everyone's safety and convenience, as I drove, I mused over the ten commandments and concentrated them down to one:
Don't be an asshole.
And I think that ought to be posted along This Great Nation's roadways.