Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Let's talk orgasm
A blogger who chooses to remain anonymous* forwarded this link, "How to Reach the Ever-Elusive Female orgasm" to me, saying that when he read it, he thought of me.
Thank you Mr. Anonymous.
I found the essay to be very interesting although some of the points made therein begged commentary. I'll start with the title, then I'll elaborate on a few quotes taken from the essay.
"How to Reach the Ever-Elusive Female orgasm"
Isn't it fascinating that Madam chose to capitalize How and Reach and Ever and Elusive and Female, but left "orgasm" in lower case letters along with the lowly "to" and "the"? Based on the content of the entire essay, I would have thought "orgasm" was important enough to garner a capital O. Silly me.
"Also, many women are sensitive to the smell of their vaginas, so be polite."
To elaborate: when Madam's thighs are gloriously open and Sir nuzzles his jowls therein, he should refrain from shouting out with horror, "Jesus effing Christ! Someone pass me that can of Lysol!"
"Whatever you do, do not go 99-cent menu on her ass and overeat her."
Sir can also look for any number of signs that indicate he is "overeating" Madam. For instance, if Sir continues to lap away while Madam pages through an old issue of Better Homes and Garden's, Sir might consider ending the session. If Madam engages herself with ordering a pizza, the grooming of her fingernails, yawning, or using the remote control in order to change the telly from The Food Network to E!, Sir might infer that Madam is "overeaten."
"I’m constantly thinking about the scent, appearance and general well being of my beloved vagina."
Isn't this nice? Clearly Madam is conscientious. I attempted to think of other nouns that one might use in place of vagina in this sentence. The best I could do was "hair."
Remember that sex is supposed to be fun!
I was delighted to see that Madame thought enough of this assertion to give it an exclamation point! The idea does stand alone, however, I thought a carefully worded (although not too ponderous) nod to safety was in order. Perhaps something along the lines of, "Remember to keep your vagina clean and well-lubricated for your partner's safety and convenience."
The most important thing I took away from Madam's musings was a new appreciation of my advanced age. Since the essay was for a college publication, I assume Madam to be under 25. All I can say is I hope when she reaches her forties, the first two words of the phrase "usually unattainable, ultimate goal: the female orgasm" will no longer be pertinent for her.
*Why is it always this way with me? There is Boy Writer, Mr. Beautiful, and the starry twinkle who submitted today's topic to me. People want to interact with me. They just don't want anyone to know they interacted with me. Hm.