Sunday, December 31, 2006

Brushing by boobs in a crowded doorway

So I'm at this really crowded holiday party and I'm walking from one room to another at exactly the same time this guy is going the opposite way through the doorway and I misjudge the pass (or he did, I'm not sure) and whoosh! my boob totally sideswipes his ribcage and there we are the two of us with this contact that is normally reserved for people who have a significantly more intimate relationship than we do and it's too obvious to ignore and he's not saying anything, so I say "pardon me" in a sorry-about-giving-you-that-major-boob -rub-on-your-chest-and-isn't-it-too-bad-that-the-
circumstances-aren't-different-say-if-I-was-single-
and-playing-boobie-rub-on-purpose sort of tone because I didn't want him thinking that I thought he wasn't attractive and young and sexy and worthy of a substantial boob swipe despite the fact that he came in with a very beautiful woman on his arm (I was alone).

He didn't say anything back that I could hear and then he was shuffled into the crowd so quickly that I would have had to hunt him down and basically make a scene in order to further discuss the inadvertent boob lob, which I did not want to do so I went and got some more wine and talked to someone about how eating salmon just five times a month can add eleven days to your life (I'm not sure about those exact numbers, but you get the drift).

Then I went home. Happy New Year.

18 comments:

jamwall said...

happy new year and a wealth of "boob-lobbing" in 2007!

Anonymous said...

I think you just answered your own question. :-D

Anonymous said...

you can rub those on me anytime

Phil Plait, aka The Bad Astronomer said...

Have a booby new year!

Hey, when will you do the stickam again?

josh williams said...

I kinda may go to jail if I do another boob rub
by accident incident. I could be in an airplane
hanger and rub boobs, nice photo and weeeell
Happy New Year, I go Bed now, already 007 has
worn me ragged. JW

wwwriter said...

You should have grabbed his wallet while he was distracted. Haven't I taught you anything??!!

Hal said...

I got a major boob rub on my flight back to LA on Thursday. It was a stewardissima with enormous hooters!

Dean said...

Who knows? He may have been awestruck, thrown into a testosterone funk by the contact. Those boobs pack a wallop.

He probably went home with the beautiful girl after the party and failed to bang her because he was so distracted by the remembered O'Brien-ness. And she probably thought that he had turned gay and threw him out.

So now there's probably a homeless man wandering the streets of Cleveland thinking about your boobs.

All in all, a hell of a way to start off 2007.

Le Chitelier said...

Is that a tattoo on your left boob?
I can't tell...
I'm feeling dizzy, I'd better sit down
...wait I am sitting down....oh no...

Anonymous said...

I 'accidently' get too close all the time!

PDD said...

This has happened to me. With a co-worker. I was walking behind him, imitating his amost march like walk and when he stopped marching, I flew into his back. The "sorry-about-the-boob-brush" quickly followed.

I think he turned a little red. As did I for having imitaded his march walk. But I meant it with the best of intentions.

Anonymous said...

In crowded carriages on the Parisian underground system at rush hour, I have occasionally found myself in extended, though (at least initally) unsolicited boob contact with women whose beauty, whilst clearly not equal to yours, is nonetheless considerable.

Upon these occasions, rather than engage in futile protest, I prefer to grin and bear it, and tell myself with a wry internal grin that such is life.

Happy New Year, dear Madame.

John Schramm said...

I like Dean's story, but I think it went differently once he got the beautiful girl home. I figure he banged her with such reckless ambition that she said to him, "It's not me you're banging, it's that girl who rubbed her boob on you."

Of course he denied it.

Then, she threw him out.

And he wanders the streets regertting not saying anything, and wondering how he can find you.

Until he dies, penniless and insane, and is buried in a pauper's grave, next to a wino.

Norm said...

Man, I never get invited to the good parties.

Zen Wizard said...

Lucky it wasn't the Superior Erection Company Xmas Party, or it could have been one of those awkward simultaneous stop-and-start apologies.

Doug said...

In junior high, I used to go to basketball games for the sole purpose of walking back and forth through crowded doorways. Co-ed touch football provided endless opportunities for groping, too, although the girls eventually got wise to me.

K-Oh said...

Was it my husband you bumped? Cuz that would make me the beautiful girl on his arm.

Spinning Girl said...

One time a girl in my high school chemistry class and I passed chest-to-chest (I'm the teacher) and our breasts touched.

We never spoke of it again.