Saturday, November 25, 2006

The Kenmore Elite HE3

This is my Kenmore Elite HE3 automatic clothes washer.

The HE3 has a 3.8 cubic foot capacity, seven wash cycles (including delicate, whitest white and handwash), and an automatic water level feature.

It is so effing quiet, sometimes I go and check that it's running. Then I watch it for awhile and sigh.

"The Catalyst Cleaning Action with Direct Inject showers the load with a concentrated cleaning solution to completely saturate every fiber." That's from the promotional brochure. I love that shit.

My HE3 has a variable speed motor with 5 spin speeds, up to 1050 rpm, and is equipped with the optional 15.5" functional convenience pedestal. The 3-compartment product dispenser automatically adds detergent, fabric softener or bleach to the load at the appropriate time.

The stainless steel wash drum comes with a limited lifetime warranty.

For Christmas, I asked for a deep dish non-stick skillet and a pair of Ben Wa balls. I'm pretty sure I'll get both.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude.. I want that washer...

DykesDog said...

LOL. If only men knew how simple it was to please us!

nadina said...

ahhhh, you lucky pup....

PDD said...

OMG! I love that washer! I ran into the bedroom and told my outrageously handsome husband about your washer. How much does it cost?

Doug said...

I've always imagined that Ben Wa balls would be more uncomfortable than pleasurable. But, what do I know? I don't have the necessary equipment.

Report back to us.

sxKitten said...

Oh, serious appliance envy occurring here. I covet your washer, Erin.

And I have Ben Wa balls on my list, too. Gotta keep those Kegals in shape, right?

Erin O'Brien said...

Bostick, you can borrow my washer. You can borrow my skillet. But I'm not lending out the Ben Wa's.

DD: I make it easy. I forward detailed photos and purchasing instructions. I use diagrams and simple, straightforward language. "Real hard right now." That sort of thing.

Nadina: I am one lucky little broad. Got your transmission today! Will respond ASAP.

PDD: Don't remember, but it was too much. Bought it like a year and a half ago.

Doug: I may or may not. Dunno. (batting eyelashes coyly)

SxK: I know. I love it. And I didn't even get to the dryer yet. Kegels, baby, that's right. Holla!

Dean said...

My god, nobody writes Appliance Porn like you. That made me want to lube up and...

Dean said...

"Direct Inject showers the load..."

Jeez, yeah. Talk to me, baby.

Anonymous said...

Do it. Do it, Erin do it... jump right in there for a quick cycle & wash the dirty internet off your body.

Michael Manning said...

Man, I'm jealous. I keep filling out those random drawings for $5,000 worth of anything from Home Depot. For me it's a front-load washer/dryer! Congrats!

Brookelina said...

I am so turned on right now.

Anonymous said...

I just posted about you...

kim said...

ohhhhh ...i want one of those washers badddd!

Erin O'Brien said...

Dean: Appliance porn. This, I like.

Lipp: Very astute of you. When I finally managed to get my entire self in there, things were going pretty well. My hair has never been so clean, but that 1050 rpm about killed me.

Michael: Hi! Hey, I love this washer, but I'd be happy with a $5 gift certificate to Ambiance (obviously). Um ... make that $20.

Brook: This is what it means to be a woman. Yes!

Bostick: It was not a post, it was a spell. I woke from my languid slumber, rose, came to my computer and was compelled to post, post, post a comment on your site. I am at your command!

Kim: I know, my child. This is the sublime light. Bask!

~d said...

OH WOW! A front LOADER!
(you rock, gurrl!)

*how is the furniture hunting for the gorgeously recently re-done room?


(you are so flippin CUTE, too!)

~d heart Erin

Helen Mansfield said...

Oh my GAWD. You know you've become an old married lady when you show signs of appliance envy.

That thing must have enough torque that it could rotate your entire home 90 degrees.

Two cups of water and an eye dropper of liquid detergent ... tada! Clean clothes.

I'd effing hate you if I didn't love you so much.

Anonymous said...

Dear Erin,

I don't know what kind of man you think I am, but my balls are off limits to you until you prove you are worthy of them. I hardly know you, for crissakes!

Sincerely,

Ben Wa

Bobby Farouk said...

I think it's good the washer door looks bigger than your head.

Winters said...

I really want to stick my head in there.

Bugwit Homilies said...

You really ought to sell those things. If you can make a washer seem sexy, you have a very bright future, indeed!

~d said...

Hee hee!

DogsDontPurr said...

I have a building in Oregon that I used to live at full time, but now that I've moved to CA, I only go there a few times a year.
A couple of years back, I was having some renovations done there while I was away. When I finally returned, several months later, my washer didn't work. It was a pretty old washer, so I figured it had just finally bit the dust.

So I went washer shopping.....with the goal of just buying the cheapest one I could find, since I'm rarely there to use it.

Well. That goal went out the window the minute I laid eyes on the million dollar GE Harmony washer from Heaven!!

Of course. I. had. to. have. it!

Now for the irony:
After I had bought and paid for my new orgasmic million dollar washer, I discovered that the old washer still worked just fine. It was just that one of the workers during the renovation had turned off the water to it!

(You can read my original post about it here.

mushroom said...

You need to put a racing stripe on that sucker....pronto!

Erin O'Brien said...

~d: the furniture is ordered. wont' be here until January! Help!

Helen: The whole effing place spins like the house in the tornado in the wizard of oz when I turn it on. No wonder I'm dizzy.

Ben Wa: I so own you mother effer.

Farouk: I cooked the turkey in there. Now I've got gravy all over the towels.

Winters: Better than wanting to stick your head in the raw turkey. Oh ... hello darling.

~d: hee hoo!

Dogs: It was a sign. You needed that front loader, baby!

Mush: I agree. Then I shall drive it to the local market. Then to the shoe store. Then to lunch in a small attractive French cafe and bar. Lovely! Wonder if I can park it regular like a car ...

Mongrel Porksword said...

Ben Wa? Ben Schma!

Look no further, baby. I've got the biggest balls of them all.

Erin O'Brien said...

Dear Mr. Porksword, Thank you for visiting the Owner's Manual! Please take a moment to add your address to our mailing list and take a complimentary brochure and dinner mint on your way out.

Mohawk Chieftain said...

But... can you take a bath in it??

Dan said...

Yowza. If I was a toaster oven, I'd do that washer so hard it's spin cycle would be screwed up for a week.

Please don't ask. I don't know how my mind works sometimes.

heather said...

ever had F H light up?