Thursday, September 14, 2006

Pet

All you effers post photos of your effing cute little pets.

"Look at my cute little puppy!"

What are you effers? A bunch of effing 19-year-old Playboy centerfolds? Next thing you'll be saying is how you hate people who lie and how you love long romantic walks on the beach.

Shit sucks.

This is my pet. How you effers like that shit? This effer hauls serious ass. And that's without shitting and shedding and pissing all over the effing place. This effer stays in his bowl and doesn't eff around.

36 comments:

Dean said...

Oh, lord. O'Brien's got crabs!

Err... crab.

Jozee said...

Love his hand painted domain.
I have only a fish pet for all the same reasons you have a crab. ;-)
Swear I didn't look at this post before posting my fish. Pinkie swear.
What's his name?

Anonymous said...

... wow.. you sound angry...

Erin O'Brien said...

Dean: Erin got crab. Me likey.

Jozee: I think the little effer is called Hermie. My kid keeps changing it. Will go check-a you fish-a.

Anon: ANGRY? WHAT THE MISERABLE COCKSUCK DO YOU KNOW MOTHER FUCKER? FUCK OFF FUCKFACE!

jmeped said...

I had two hermits and they both died....sniff....They're great pets until they start stinking up the joint with their deadness.

sleepydog said...

Erin,

I post pictures of my dogs because I assume the rest of the world will be smitten by their overwhelming cuteness the same way I am. Unfortunately, people don't come to my blog to see pix of cute puppies, they come to hear stories about me slamming my dick in car doors and vomiting in the back to taxicabs. Go figure.

I guess the point I'm trying to make here is "My, what a cute crab you've got"

Wait, that's not the point I was trying to make at all. But it IS a cute crab.

Somebody hold me.

Toby said...

Not much meat on them things.

Erin O'Brien said...

jmeped: Thee doth know of thine odor thou speaketh ofeth. It stinketh.

Sleepy: You slam your dick in car doors? You vomit in taxicabs? Woot!

Toby: I know. I had 10 for lunch and I'm still hungry.

jennifer starfall said...

he looks camera shy... and a little gay.

Jesus Toast said...

Is that a Bichon or a labradoodle? I can't tell dog breeds apart from one another.

sxVixen said...

I had 2 of those when I was a kid - my mom wouldn't let us paint their shells, though (the bag!).

We also had frogs, toads, salamanders, newts, crawfish, regular fish, gerbils, mice, hamsters, guinea pigs, dogs, cats and rabbits. And a budgie.

Had Dean known this on our fist date, he'd probably have run screaming in the other direction. He thinks 4 rodents is 3 pets too many.

Roxi said...

hey!!

I only posted my dog cause she was sick.. and I have my new HNT up.. and its fucking awsome..

so fucking there biatch!

hehe..

I am helping bostick with his template..

Hopefully I dont fuck it up.. hehehe

LOVE YA!

doris day said...

but does it purr?

Paul said...

Try some A200. It worked for me.

sleepydog said...

Erin, my foibles are the stuff of legends and knock knock jokes, though to be technically accurate, it is not ME slamming my dick in car doors, but it is my dick getting slammed*

Of course I vomit in the back of taxicabs, it would be rude to vomit in front.

* No dicks were slammed in car doors in the making of this comment.

Erin O'Brien said...

Jenn: Damn. You're right and I never even noticed! No wonder he wanted that ladybug shell. AND he asked me for my onion dip recipe!

JT: It is a Jeffhound.

sxV: I dunno, girl. I think he would have come back even if you had a whole herd of lemmings.

Roxi: Now you're teamed up with Bostick. Well kick my ass. Nice ink, bthw.

DORIS! Thank God you're finally here! And no, it does not purr, but it does take dictation.

Paul: I am out of A200. I only have H600 and that shit is way too strong for this situation.

sleepy: This is a public service announcement. No public was served in the making of this announcement.

Blonde Vigilante said...

I had a hermit crab once, my mom told me it wne to my uncle's farm in NJ.

Dr Gno said...

I had Crabs once.....or did the crabs have me?
Either way the're dead now.

sxVixen said...

EoB: you may be right. I could put it to a test - lemmings aren't in season right now, but a breeding pair of bunnies would probably do the trick. Maybe a few crabs, an azureus or 6, and a couple of pygmy marmosets. And a miniature horse.

Anyone care to place a wager on the exact number of pets required to cause Dean to flee in horror?

Bill Fitzgerald said...

Well, someone's a little crabby today!

FITZ

Richard said...

I have three pets. They are 3, 8, and 17. Oh yeah, and then there's the dog and cat too, but since they belong to my pets, they get to clean the crap up.

~d said...

I think I have too much caffeine in my bloodstream!
Do you know how long it took me to FIND this post?!
Jeez.

n said...

I had crabs when I was 16 and they were not as cute

Bobby Farouk said...

I had a $600 vet bill last week for my "puppy." My other "puppy" will likely rack up a similar bill next week. My dogs go to the doctor more often than I do. They eat better than I do (relatively speaking; the dogs have a different opinion).

My dogs shit and piss and shed all over the place. They make me crazy. When they are gone (and that will be in the next couple years) I will not replace them. I will go on a dog vacation.

In the meantime, when I come home at night, they greet me at the door. They wag their tails. They forgive me for every bad thing I have ever done. They think I am interesting.

At night, since they are now too old to climb up on the bed, I lie on the floor with them and lay my head on their sides and listen to the universe that is going on inside them.

I doubt very much you can listen to the inside of your crab.

When I listen to the inside of my dogs I hear a little song. It is the melody of "Your Are My Sunshine" and the first line is: "If I were a crab, you couldn't hear me."

Bostick said...

We let about 20 of those hermits go at the beach onetime. The brewery where I worked had crab races and they were in a cage in the back of the place all shitty and hationg it so we let them go at the beach. They probably all got cooked but fuckit

doris day said...

they've been making me actually WORK at work, the nerve! Maybe that dictation trick would come in handy.... {mental note - teach worthless cat to answer phones and type}

josh williams said...

I cannot tell you how many commercials I watched as a wee lad about hermit crabs, we had a few, they died. I had a mailorder catalog once I bought some lizards, they also sold tigers and stuff. I could not afford those things but damn it would have been cool. PETA has messed that dream up for todays children. PETA has stolen countless childhoods, what are we going to do?

mushroom said...

thats crabtacular, is it a racing crab?

Bugwit Homilies said...

Yes, I am a nineteen year-old centerfold. What tipped you?

Erin O'Brien said...

BV: I'm going to your uncle's farm in NJ.

Dr. Gno: They are dead, you are alive. You win.

sxV: I'm thinking it's two pets. Unless of course they are me and you.

Fitz: Am not!

Richard: Since my husband is either a big dog that talks or a goat, does that qualify as a pet?

~d: You're here now darling and that's all that counts.

Farouk. What in the hell am I going to do with you? I have fielded a lot of advice and pick up lines and insults as well as compliiments. But no one ever berated me for not being able to listen to my crab. Now go have a drink. Erf!

Doris: Those rat bastards!

Josh: Simple. We are all going to pour a bull shot and put our feet up.

Mush: Yes, it is a racing crab. Drives a Lambourghini Diablo.

Bug: It was those cute high-heeled mules you wear.

Helen Mansfield said...

Eww. Looks like your carton of McDonald's French fries has come to life. And, it has eye balls. And tentacles. Whattup with that?

So maybe I am a yuppie, hipster, doofus. Anything living in my house better be warm blooded and have a layer of hair, or it gets squished.

I don't eff around.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of a publisher I used to work for...

k carter

Libby Spencer said...

Erin's crab is a happy crab. I love his smile.

Bunyan, Paul Bunyan said...

That advice you gave Josh, it was real smart. Are you real smart? Geez that was a stupid question, I better go back to cuttin'

Henri Banks said...

thats a funny pet :D

jungle jane said...

Erin is it bad that I want to eat your pet stirfied in a bit of garlic??