Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Feet and Orgasms

First, you have to go and view this YouTube entry that I lovelovelove and was authored by my buddy Bobby Farouk under one of his numerous aliases. Guy's got more identities than Cybil.

Obviously, we have a lot to talk about here.

Regarding my feet and Farouk's feet and his sister's feet, you decide. They all seem to be pretty good feet. Mine are the most naked. And, although I'm only showing one foot in the photo, trust that I do have another and that it was as naked as the one depicted at the time of the photoshoot.

I do not fake orgasms. I am heartened to learn that Farouk was privy to the change in the quality of his girlfriend's orgasms and noticed when she shifted from real to fake. Any man who can't tell the difference is sad.

Sad, sad, sad.

Are men really afraid of women's orgasms? I thought men liked them. I thought they liked to go around all puffed up wearing their "I just made my woman climax!" tee shirts. In fact, the reason women fake orgasms is because they feel bad for the poor guy. Sheesh. Poor guy. Doing all that work and I'm about as close to climax as Pam Anderson is to an A-cup. This shit is never going to end. Gotta do something. Gonna have to fake it. Shit.

The essence of orgasm is absolute loss of control to pleasure. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. A man or woman might be able to control when they crest and finally let the orgasm fall out of them, but after that, it is the ultimate release. Faking an orgasm is essentially replacing loss of control with complete control.

It is inherently tragic.

In some ways and particularly when it comes to sex, men are a lot like big dogs that talk, which has its limitations. And even though their orgasms are not nearly as complex as women's, they cannot fake orgasms, although some may try. Anyone have evidence/assertions disputing this?

One time this guy sent me a short porn video. There was a chick, a strap-on, another chick and some guy. Sort of confusing, but hey, whatever. They're all screwing and licking and slapping. Then the one chick says, "Shit! That sucker is big!" and goes and fakes an orgasm. I watched it once or twice, bewildered. Was it arousing, maybe a little, but I laughed more than anything else. It was contrived. Fake. A sham. What's the point? Am I missing something?


Hal said...

I'm first! Yippie, I'm a man!

Denny Shane said...

I can honestly say that I ensure that the female always, always orgasms first, always. Because it's usually the 2nd orgasm of hers that I want. When she explodes all over the place, and I orgasm.

Speaking of orgasms... I had a nice hardon until I came here and saw that soup can... again! ;)

Hal said...

Okay, now that I have my firsties out of the way, I do want - being a member of the gender, after all - to defend all those tragic men out there on one small point:

Some women take a long time to orgasm, and many can't at all - at least through intercourse. There are many reasons for this, as I'm sure you know, and many of them can't be blamed on the poor schmuck. Furthermore, there are many women who either don't know what will get them off, or won't tell their partners what will. This doesn't include women who are just plain inhibited by sex for reasons beyond their control (strong religious upbringing, victim of incest or rape, etc)...

This is not to say that the "big dogs" you speak of don't exist. Heck, I've probably been one myself. Some guys are just too dense. But many would be more than willing to learn if they could just get a little insight into what makes a woman's plumbing tick.

Because, masturbation excluded, sex is a team sport, is it not?

Hal said...


You have cute feet, Erin.

~d said...

OK. I like feet. I have never encountered scrappy dog toes-and felt the need to run. I think MY feet are cute. Orgasms? I would much rather say: baby, it ain't happening...then OOOhhh, Ahhhhh, YESSSSSS...(ick!)

Men are pretty damn cute with the: so did you come? I mean, You couldn't tell the whole stiffening of my muscles, that kegel exercising is only pleasuring ONE of us. Hmm. Sorry.

Baby, did YOU come?

**Let me know when I talk about giving HIM an orgasm with MY feet.**

Dean said...

First, I'm with Hal: you have adorable feet. And I can tell by the soup can (which is THANK FUCKING CHRIST in the picture so I can sleep tonight without worrying that O'Brien is some monster with feet the size of surfboards) that you have quite nice little feet.

~D, you have cute feet too.

Second, and I'm being totally serious here, male orgasms happen with or without extensive prep work. It's pretty much a straight-on deal: massage the pole for a little while, win a prize. Women, on the other hand (and I'm basing this on my not-terribly-extensive personal survey of more than five women over thirty years of sexual activity) require a seemingly bewildering variety of warm-ups. Some women are ready to go at the rustle of the bedsheet. Others take more. Some a lot more. Some are so uptight (for whatever reason) that it just doesn't happen.

Sex doesn't have to be a form of communication, but good sex does.

As for faking it, I don't think I've ever had sex with a woman where she's faked it. I like to think that I'd be able to tell, but man, you never know, you know? What if I'm just really easy to fool, and all these women have been fooling me for all these years? It could happen...

I should also say that I liked how you started out with feet and worked your way round to sex. That was cool.

Eve said...

Cute tootsies Ern.

Yeah, why in the HELL would a woman FAKE an orgasm?! Fuck THAT?!

Jozee said...

1. Isn't porn always a sham?
2. Being able to be free enough to let oneself go totally takes a lot of effort, understanding and patience. Love also helps.
3. For me I don't care how hot and skilled the partner is or how long we've been doing it- if I lose respect it ain't gonna happen.
4. Men need to know women have LOTS of erogenous zones.
5. I've faked it to bring things to a conclusion when it becomes apparent the other player has not a clue.
6. I have feet and if things aren't working I can always use them to walk.
Life's to short to fake.

I could tell you more but I talk too much.

sleepydog said...

As a man who is tragically lousy in the sack, this is an open apology to all the women out there who had to fake an orgasm to get my sweaty writhing body off of them.
I'm really, really sorry about that.
Really sorry.

I need a hug.

Anonymous said...

good thing about a fake-O is that we both want the act to stop. I've even fake one once.

timotny g**g*r

Denny Shane said...

OMG.... is that MY picture on the tomato soup? This is WAR erin! lol

Toby said...

I've faked it a few times. When wearing a condom that feels what you might imagine rolling a hard rubber garden hose on would feel like and there just wasn't any chance in hell an orgasm was going to happen.

I saw a comedian once who said something like "Who cares? I got off." In context it was funny. I used to be selfish like that when I was a horny teenager, but it's been a long time since I was a... teenager. Now I think it's better to give than to receive. Of course every partner I've been with hasn't had the big "O", but I try really hard and I've (we've?) been successful on many, many ocassions.

I love what you've done with the soup can.

Libby Spencer said...

Love the video. I have to wonder why he disclosed is location though since only four people live in W. Bolton Vermont, the other three are going to know who he is immediately. Kind of obviates the point of making up the credits - which were brilliant.

I faked an orgasm once. Wasn't nearly as much fun as actually having a real one...

sxVixen said...

I faked it for years, because I didn't know how to do it for real.

Then I met Dean, who taught me extraordinarily well ...

Bostick said...

This is by far the sluttiest day I have encountered on blogger. Did all you girls get together this morning and say'lets write a bunch of slutty porno shit to get the dudes all puffed up'? Because that is what I am seeing you horny little cheeky monkeys! Blah

zorgon said...

Wow, your feet are even sexier than I had imagined.


How I would have imagined them, had I been imagining them. Not that I'm denying imagining your feet. Um. Yeah. Anyway.

As for your last question, there is some porn that's supposed to be so ridiculous that it makes the viewers laugh, which is always a good thing and can lead to orgasms down the road a little way.

Do you think that was it?

Anonymous said...

Those are the kind of feet I would like to meet under a restaurant table.

Erin O'Brien said...

Hal: Sex is a team sport! And I like to think of myself as a good team player! I have a lot of spirit!

Denny: Congratulations on that ... um ... development and sorry the soup can took it away. And since when did they begin featuring you on Campbell's? Soup IS good food.

~d of the cute foot. You and I have cute feetsies!

Dean: Very informative comments ... Oops, gotta go, I hear a bedsheet rustling.

NG: Maybe just to get the poor bastard off of them.

Jozee: re: #4: For starters, try the mind--most erotic zone of all.

sleepy: I just love you.

Gager: A bit of advice: you made a mistake somewhere along the line if you both wanted the act to stop. Tragic, just effing tragic.

Denny: Bring it on, mother effer!

Toby: That garden hose reference freaks me out. What were you using? A dried goat intestine? Eek!

Libby: Next time you feel the need to fake, maybe just tell the guy: "Get the eff off, please!"

sxV: You give that Dean guy a good name, sister.

Bostick: I'm a horny little cheeky monkey! That's the nicest thing I've heard all day. Thank you, Mr. Bostick.

Zorgon: I don't think was supposed to be funny porn. I think it was just supposed to be dirty porn, not that I know or anything. Next time, maybe I call you up and you can come on over and view it with me and do a consultation.

Winters. I accept.

Bugwit Homilies said...

Love the foot, Erin. Very cute.

Female orgasms aren't scary. The challenge of trying to induce one can pretty intimidating, though.

With a new lover, you don't know what she wants, yet, and few women really open up to a new guy and say 'lick me here!'

(Somehow, Erin, I get the idea that it wouldn't be a problem for you!)

Sometimes I can't come when I'm with someone for the first time, so I'm sure lots of women have that problem.

There's also the ticking clock. Can't rush it or she'll get overly sensitive, take too long and it's never going to happen.

But that's just nervous, not afraid.

I'm AFRAID of women's orgasms because they hurt my face.

Jozee said...

Amen, sistah!

josh williams said...

Caught you this morning on stick cam. I watched the video on your new post and then clicked back and spied you clicking away on the SK screen, so I said hey... You said hey back, showed me a can of Kraut Juice and then mentioned your new post. I said I would look for it when I had time... Well I was looking at your new post and then just read the rest of it...Yes men have a challange as to when they fake an orgasm, the lack of proof being the main evidence.
Anyone with reproductive organs and a heart (the kind valantines are modeled after) has faked an orgasm...Its for true, you womens you is not alone.

~d said...

(this just reads like a feel-good movie)
and they all lived happily ever after.

bebe said...

all governed by natural magnetism according to Maxwell's equations. the law of nature, I believe.

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Pyrhonik said...

You have a very sexy foot! In fact that pic alone was inspiration enough to read the article and follow the thread to your story at the free times. Alas, I am blocked from the BeautifulAgoncy site. But thank you very much for the education and the pic of your gorgeous toes!