Friday, July 28, 2006
Anyone can clearly see that these two guys are beer guys.
They are in classic beer guy position. They are wearing beer guy clothes. And, had I been able to preserve the associated audio with this scene, my dear reader would agree that they were talking like beer guys.
"Z'that one of those new Pontiacs?"
"Yeah it is."
The only problem is that instead of holding cans of beer like they're supposed to be doing, these guys are holding cans of effing Coke.*
But this was on a city street. During a hometown parade. And it was 11 a.m. And the poor darling, innocent children were everywhere, for pity's sake! What sort of monster would have the audacity to allow the dark side to taint such a quaint and pastoral scene by introducing alcohol?
Face it. Drinking a lousy can of Stroh's would have surely secured their place before a firing squad.
It wasn't always this way.
• Las Vegas, 1986. I gambled all night and sipped a whiskey and soda as I strolled down the strip at sunrise with a would-be Romeo.
• Up until 2001, a passenger in a motor vehicle could have an open container in Texas.
• A tailgate party before a Cleveland Browns game (anywhere downtown) used to start about 9 a.m. for a 1 p.m. game. Beer? Hell yes, they had beer.
• Summer, 1982, a park ranger caught my associates and me drinking 3.2 beer. "Pour it out, my little friends," he directed. We did.
"Next time," he said as we upended the last can, "you kids get yourself those big red plastic cups. You put the cups in the car. You put the beer in the car." He looked at each of us purposefully. "You want a beer? You go in the car. You pour your beer in your cup. You get out of the car and you go on with your party." Another pause. "I drive by, all I see is kids with cups and no one's got any problems. Right?"
"Right," we said.
Wonder what would happen to a cop if he did that today.
I am not delusional. I know that having all that in the past is probably a good thing. Nonetheless, I know a beer guy when I see one and when the beer guys shown in the photo got home and popped a cold one that day, I for one, deflated with relief.
Beer guys shown are associates Mike Baraona, left, and Scott Bengston. Click to enlarge.
*Notably, the situation could be worse. They might have been holding cans of Pepsi, which was not only promoted by Britney Spears, but was also the name painted on the side of a truck that goddamn near ran me over as I was walking the earth the other day. Beer truck drivers are usually beer guys and always stop to let me have the right of way.