I am moving through the grocery store in a suburban stupor. Velveeta extra thick slices. Brooks chile hot beans. Irish Spring.
"No, honey," I say absently to my kid, "no nutty bars."
Chicken on sale. Hard salami. One gallon bottle of bleach.
"Pardon me, ma'am," comes the voice from my right. I turn to see an unremarkable woman in a blue smock standing behind a table, upon which is a stack of coupons and some boxes of Electrasol.
"Yes?" I say. I am slightly irritated because I'm in a rush, but her coupons are for one dollar off and I have no reason to be rude to her.
"We're featuring these Electrasol 3 in 1 tabs today," she says. "They are 60 cents off the regular price and I have these coupons." She hands me two. "So that's another dollar savings."
"Thank you," I say.
"Have you ever tried the tabs?" she asks.
"I can't say as I have," I say. My kid is fascinated with the lobster tank.
"In that case," she purrs, "I'm just going to have to show you one."
"This is your pre-soak and your detergent," she says, unwrapping one of the little tablets," and your rinse aid." She offers it to me. I stare at the unearthly pellet in my hand.
The woman reaches over and caresses the pearly little ball in the center of the tablet lovingly with the tip of her forefinger. "Isn't it cute?"
I am standing in the grocery store holding a dishwasher detergent tablet while a woman in a smock rubs the associated Jet-Dry Powerball® trying to decide whether or not said object is cute.
This is not what I expected from life.
"Cute," I say.
I take another coupon. I take a box of Electrasol Green Apple 3 in 1 tabs. I take a box of Orange Blossom® Apple 3 in 1 tabs.
I float upwards until my feet are three inches above the floor and glide to the bakery department, my kid skipping gleefully behind me.