Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Imploring all readers

Here's the deal:

Reply to this post telling me and the world why you want to review my book on your blog.

Maybe you get ten thousand hits a day. Maybe you like my writing. Or hate it. Maybe you've always wanted to be a reviewer. Or have a blog about nothing but books. Whatever it is, tell me. If this blog's comment box is too confining, post a link.

To the chosen reviewer, I will send a signed copy of my book and another goodie or two, to be determined by who you are and the wickedness of my terrible mind on that day. I guarantee the contents of the box I send will be fun as well as surprising. If you blog anonymously or under a pen name, I absolutely promise to keep your identity confidential.

Since I have no idea what to expect, the criteria for my choice will depend largely on the responses I receive, although being smart and funny and having a talent for writing are all paths that lead directly to my heart. Whatever the case. I will carefully read each response and visit the associated blogs before selecting my future reviewer.

I expect the chosen reviewer to read and review my book and post their resulting musings on their blog, which I will dutifully link. This invitation will end on Dec. 20, 2005 and I will announce the selected reviewer on my blog on Dec. 24, 2005. I ask the review be completed and posted by the end of January 2006.

Blurbs about the book, links to reviews, as well as excerpts, are available at my website.

Or you can visit this post to read an excerpt.

And here is my latest review.

Talk to me privately here.

All terms are negotiable and enforced by a gentleman's agreement--a good-faith Internet handshake if you will.

Feel free to cross-talk regarding one another's responses (as if my permission matters). At the time of this writing, I have never deleted a comment that was posted on my blog. I have seen at least one comment on another blog that I suspected came from a sexual predator. I would delete such a comment or any comments that I thought were dubious in a dangerous or unlawful way. Other than that, I hate censorship.

All I ask for is an honest read and review of the novel. In the event I receive (gulp) zero responses, well, I'm not sure what I'll do. Perhaps jump from a bridge, signed copy of said book in tow.

Now then, what say ye readers?


PDD said...

I will take a sabbatical in order to write a review of your book. While reading your book, I will include notes to ensure I have covered everything before writing the first draft of the review. I believe that I would be the best candidate, as I have no other way of obtaining "Harvey & Eck". (I can not shop online remember?)

Being a screenwriter, I have read several screenplays, most of which I have written coverage on. I understand this is not a screenplay, but please, allow me the opportunity to crossover.

I know you're going to choose Pinky to do it. Is there a possibility of having two reviewers?

PDD said...

Also, I was going to make somewhat of a switch with my blog; writing film reviews and book reviews, along with the miscellaneous tales this world has to offer. I wish I had posted reviews on my blog, but I don't have any at the moment. Let yours be the first. What do you say??

FLAMINGO1 said...

First of all, I am not a sexual predator - well at least not a convicted sexual predator.

Second, I should be selected to review your book because I know the difference between an adjective and an adverb.

Third, since roughly 8:00a.m. this morning I started growing a mooostache just for you.

I think that makes me uniquely qualified to review your book.

Actually, I am going to order your book this weekend, so don't pick me since that would ruin one sale of your book and drop you in the Amazon rankings.

You know I already love you, Erin. I could never provide an unbiased opinion.

Dongley Shlongford said...

I only read the Kama Sutra and scholarly articles relating to Polynesian cartography and taxidermy, so count me out.

Besides, I'm off to my vacation tiki hut on Palau for a thanksgiving feast of hot-buttered muffins, poundcake and all the pie you can shake a stick at.

PDD said...

Is your second reasoning in reference to me, Pinky?

Additionally, I should be the chosen one since I responded first.

If this does not suffice, can you at least deem me as the Canadian Reviewer?

If none of these reasons penetrate, is there at least a consolation prize for responding first and/or trying??

FLAMINGO1 said...

It was not directed at you PDD. It was a general observation. I personally would be afraid to read a review by Dongley. I certainly would not want to handle the book after he was finished with it. If my opinion counts, Erin, I would be a no vote for the Donger!

PDD said...

glued pages...

Coelecanth said...

I should review your book because, because, er...because I want to!

Well that and because my girlfriend is making baby-making noises and I'm hoping to gain some insight about pregnancy from your book. I tried reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and only got as far as the mucus plug before my nerve gave out.

My blog will tell the sad tale: yup, I'm not even kinda, sorta a writer. The blog is about music and I get maybe 2 hits a day.

My CV:
-I've worked for a used book store since 1988 and I refuse to calculate just how many years that is.
-I'm appallingly poorly read considering my job, but I can fake it. I know the basic plot-lines and main characters for just about every classic novel not to mention all of the Devil's, I mean Oprah's, book club selections.
-I feel physically un-well when I don't have a book to read on or about my person.
-I believe that saying you like or don't like something isn't good enough. If you can't say why you felt that way you haven't thought enough.
-I think too much.

That's about it. If you choose me I will read the first and last papagraph of each chapter, knock off a review a half hour before the deadline while nursing a hangover and sell the copy you gave me to a used book store. You know: do a professional job.

All the best.

Elizabeth K. Burton said...

Erin's publisher speaking. Strike a blow for the next generation of publishing. If you can't or don't wish to shop online, visit the nearest bookstore and complain loudly about your inability to purchase her book there. :-)

ticharu said...

The chapter was certainly intriguing, but I'm a VERY slow reader, and music is really more my thing. I wouldn't be the best candidate to review your book. It could be a fun read though, and I'm not reading anything at the moment...

FLAMINGO1 said...

While I do not mean to throw out red-herrings, confusing folks and what not, I have to note that I am amused by your publisher's name.

Had Elizabeth Taylor actually taken the last name of any of her husbands, at one point (and possibly two points) along the line, I think she would have been Elizabeth Burton. Don't know about the K...sorry, that's just how the brain works (when it isn't thinking about nailing somebody).

PDD said...

Yes, Elizabeth, not a word of a lie, I have thought about doing just that. My first target: The Worlds Biggest Bookstore. They are very generous in stocking their shelves with the most obscure books. Years back, I purchased a manifesto entitled, "Scum" by Valarie Solonas - The woman who shot Andy Warhol. I do not agree with her beliefs and Ideas, but they are hysterical and entertaining nonetheless. I didn't even have to order this manifesto, it was right there on the shelf.

If I use my mouth wisely, I think I can revolutionize literature to be brought back on the shelves instead of in cyberspace. Call me oldfashioned... that's just how I roll.

PDD said...

Attn: Erin O'Brian

Listen, I'm going to speak with the operations manager over at the Worlds Biggest Bookstore and see what I can pull regarding securing some shelf-life for Harvey & Eck.

This may seem naive and whimsical on my part, but I have pulled miracles in the past. And since I can be very impulsive and dangerously daring, this seems the most worthy of said attributes.

I read your most recent review along with everything else pertaining to Harvey & Eck; it does pique my curiosity and interest.

I'll check in soon.

Take care girl.


FLAMINGO1 said...

If you use your mouth wisely, Dongley will follow you around for eternity.

MsAmber said...

Give ME the book. I'll read it and give you my well-read-country-girl opinion.

Don't trust the bird. (I don't believe he's really pink.)
And PDD? She's Canadian - if you know what I mean (wink, wink)


HighMaintenanceHussy said...

I'll throw my proverbial hat in the ring. Or panties.

desmond said...

I'll do it. I live alone.

PDD said...

If Ding Dong Shlonglord followed me around for eternity, that wouldn't be so bad. At the very least, I'll be well educated on Polynesian cartography and taxidermy. And how to shake a stick at all the pies out there. Perhaps my life would be less convoluted if I learned the latter. Who knows? No one ever does.

Ms Amber,

Yes, Ms Amber, I know what you mean, we have a lot of water.

Bear said...

I vote for psychic dumb-dumb to win the book. It should keep him occupied.

If I were to review your book, it would be from the viewpoint of vodka and aching knees. Nothing new there.

Doughboy said...

Great read...Good if you need it

garrett said...

In my upcoming review of the free autographed copy of your novel, provided providence proves my prognistication prudent, I will likely extract one or two sentences from the book and draw conclusions about what your book has to say about the human condition by contrasting my interpretation of those sentences with the Truth as I know it today. It is Truth that I am after, and to the extent your book is honest, you can expect accolades from me.

Stop by my blog over the next day or two to see me doing this to a less recently released book (Michener's "Centennial").

Oh, and one other thing I can shamelessly promise you: if you select me, I will name my blog after you and/or your book in some marginally memorable manner for at least a fortnight while I read and review it.


Flamingo's Burton recollection reminded me of that line from the last song in The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan. "I'd make love to Elizabeth Taylor; Catch hell from Richard Burton."

I guess that line was only current for a year or two?

Dongley Shlongford said...

You see, Billy was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.

Dongley Shlongford said...

By the way, women who are around me for any length of time generally find walking uncomfortable.

KoolBreez the Porpoise said...

I think I will do it, because we like the same authors. And, since I am the librarian, I am an expert on books.

PDD said...

I think your one ball is very cute shlonglord.

FLAMINGO1 said...

I ordered your book yesterday from Amazon. That should boost your sales up significantly.

While I do not expect to be chosen as your recipient of the free copy, I do expect to be able to send my copy to you to have it signed.

I think Garrett might do a great job on the review. Plus, he will name his blog after you. That has to be worth a couple of publicity points - especially after the Jessica Alba/Geena Davis bait that he has put out into cyberspace.

joe bloggs said...

Erin, reasons to send me your book for review:

(a) I'm a writer with too many blogs and not enough books to read
(b) I'll be laying on a beach all January
(c) My daughter's name is Erin and my mother's name was O'Brien.

Jesus Toast said...

Reasons I should review your book on my blog;

1. I am a horrible speller.
2. I don't actually have a blog anymore.
3. I have the world's strongest tongue muscles and can breathe out of my elbows, so no need to come up for air.

Erin O'Brien said...

Jesus: Perhaps we can make a private arrangement. In fact, I think I'm starting to get religion just thinking about it.

james2285 said...

cause i love you more and more each day.