The incredible shrinking Erin

So how did I drop 25 pounds?

Smiling because my favorite blouse fits again ... well, it might still be a little snug ...

As I was writing and researching this article, I became intrigued by the "paleo" diet. I met dozens of people who had lost 30, 40, 80, 100 or more pounds. Many of them were my age and had kept the weight off for a year or more.

But these people weren't like other Diet People, forlornly scanning the menu with big sad eyes. They were having fun. They were eating roasted chicken and carrots sauteed in butter and bacon. They were drinking wine. They were laughing. Most notably, they were not indignantly trying to convince everyone (mostly themselves) that what they're doing is Right. They are not waiting for this to be over.

Hm.

I started out with the intent to try it for a month. I got the junk out of my diet as well as refined sugar, all grains (wheat, rice, corn, etc.), potatoes and legumes (including peanuts). I pretty much whacked dairy as well, except for the milk in my coffee.

I ate stuff like this.

Perfect potato-free pot roast

Readership, at about the four-week mark, I walked into the kitchen and my pants fell off. I am not kidding.

"Mom," said Lil' OB as I pulled at my jeans, "tell me about your diet again."

So a month turned into six weeks, then six months. Now it's been about nine months and I fit into pants that are so old, they are 100 percent cotton--no stretchy Lycra (the ladies will know why that is significant).

I do not follow a strict paleo diet. I'm more of a clean-living low carb type. I have my cheats, but I limit them. By cheats, I meant pretty much anything, but it's only once in a while and not too much (a serving of ice cream is 1/2 cup, people). I think the big thing is getting the sweets and "daily bread" out of your diet, along with the pasta, potatoes and pizza.

I don't limit fat, but I don't overdo it either. I eat butter, bacon, oils, you name it. I top bananas with pure whipped coconut cream (sweetened with a touch of honey; and yes, that counts as a treat) and literally suck the marrow out of beef bones. I don't count calories or track my food consumption in any way.

You will not believe how discerning your palate becomes. You will not believe how much energy you'll have. You will not believe how many aches and pains and little maladies will disappear. You will not believe how much better you feel when you've got enough proper protein and fat in your diet. You will not believe that you don't get hungry.

Weight loss eases some activities

I couldn't do this if I wasn't loose about it.

I still put beans in my chili (not as many). I still thicken gravy with a little flour. I am most lax with dairy. (Ever snack on a crisp cold apple and blue cheese? Pure heaven.) If I go someplace and there are no low-carb options, I just deal with it, although the only place where I couldn't find one thing to eat was under the Golden Arches (go figure). I still sop up the deep red au jus from the bottom of the steak platter with half a piece of bagged bread. I don't grill a host about what's in his food. I share a bit of the dessert with the Goat, take a small polite scoop of the scalloped potato and skip the bread basket.

This is the only way I can hope to make the change permanent.

Some tips:

--Always have lots of nuts on hand for snacking. I also like sun dried tomatoes, sort of like a veggie jerky. Meat jerkies are (obviously) great as well. This local butcher makes a salmon jerky that rocks my face off.

--Medjool dates and very dark chocolate are saviors. Raisins, dried apricots and figs are good too. Every day, I have a date or a square of chocolate. I eat it with a few of the Goat's Butter Roasted Pecans. I swear I could not have lost this weight without those nuts.

--My salads are wild affairs, loaded with olives, marinated garlic cloves, shredded cheese or grated parm, tons of sweet pepper and cucumber, onions ... you get the picture. Add shredded roasted chicken and it's dinner.

--Read labels. There is sugar, corn and chemicals in everything. I really try to avoid frankenfood, but I am far from perfect. The ingredient list for these beauties is way too long and awful, but I still cannot resist them.

--Um … avocados.

--Best power smoothie: Take ½ banana, ½ can lite coconut milk and a big dollop of SunButter: blend and garnish with a shake of nutmeg. Get an immersion blender if you're going to make a lot of smoothies. This is the best model I've ever owned.

--Instant breakfast: fill a piece of celery with SunButter, eat as is or roll it up in a slice of deli meat for an extra protein punch.

--You will probably be cooking a lot more. Fortunately, there are some brilliant recipes at your fingertips.

--Mashed roasted acorn squash is a perfect stand-in for mashed potato.

--Get creative. I replace noodles in chicken soup with a whole bunch of sauteed diced onions. I top taco salad with crushed dried plantains. I throw a piece of deli ham in a skillet, melt a chunk of cheddar on top and roll it up for a perfect snack.

--I love my pressure cooker. It turns inexpensive cuts of meat into fork-tender dishes in about an hour.

--I cheat almost daily with four Triscuit crackers topped with Velveeta and a dash of salsa or slice of pickle. SO KILL ME ALREADY.

--If you do nothing else, cut the sugar.

--Um ... mushrooms sauteed in clarified butter.

--Weigh yourself frequently. That's how you stop a binge from becoming a five-pound gain.

--Be on your best behavior the day or two before the party, so you can splurge a little.

Full disclosure: I exercise five to seven days a week with a three- to six-mile walk or an hour on the elliptical machine.

The toughest parts of this diet are:

--Getting used to finishing a meal. Your hunger is gone, but you don't have that full feeling, which is really a bloated feeling.

--Having enough of the right food around the house. It's a lot easier to say no to the kids' pizza when you've got a dish of steaming pork stew loaded with carrots and onions in front of you, but you've got to shop for the ingredients, prepare and cook them. I go to the grocery about two or three times a week.

The truth is, while the change is hard at first, it's not that hard in practice. There is no starvation or "rabbit food" limitations. This is the most successful weight loss I've ever achieved, probably because it's not a fad. When you get into it, you'll see how completely sensible it is. You just have to find a way to make it work for you.

I sure hope I can maintain this. I think I can. After all, I made it this far.

Now just think how great it would be to feel and look better on January 1, 2016 than you did on January 1, 2015.

If I did it. You can too.

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Perfectly paleo

I write a whole lot of feature in this town and with each article, I invariably come away with something that goes beyond a thousand words and a paycheck. My latest effort is no exception.

Behold the Cleveland Paleos. I met a whole slew of them and they were remarkable. They surprised and delighted me at every turn.

The entire diet focuses on keeping junk out of your mouth and eating stuff like this:

Erin's first paleo pot roast

Now COME ON. Doesn't that look a whole lot better than a crappy piece of Dominos pizza?

The paleos have lost weight--a lot of weight--and they have the pictures to prove it. They've also lost nearly all of their ailments, everything from joint pain to hypoglycemia. Their cholesterol has gone down and their energy has gone up.

Cravings and hunger pangs? Gone.

The paleos aren't like those forlorn dieters, biting their lip as they peruse menus with big sad eyes. The paleos are happy. They feel really good. Most notably, they are not indignantly trying to convince everyone (most notably themselves) that what they're doing is Right. They're not pinched and bitter. They are not waiting for this to be over.

So read the article. If you're intrigued, do your own research. And make no mistake, almost all of the paleos I met have modified the diet for what works for them. Some include rice. Others have their potato or cheese. You will not, however, hear paleos lauding high fructose corn syrup or partially hydrogenated soybean oil.

Do they ever indulge in that slice of Dominos or bowl of Chex Mix? Sure. And they're not embarrassed to tell you about it or how they feel afterward.

"You feel like shit."

I couldn't put that quote in the article.

As for the pot roast, it ROCKED, so ... um ... this:

An Inaccurate Recipe for Erin O'Brien's First Paleo Pot Roast

Peel one big-ass sweet potato and cut it into two-inch chunks. Same with two or three onions and some carrots. Put all that in the bottom of a roaster or casserole that's just a little bigger than your roast. Sprinkle with seasonings of your choice. I used granulated garlic and sea salt.

Did I use some Lawry's seasoned salt or didn't I? It's none of your goddamn business.

Set that aside and preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

On the stove, melt about a tablespoon of bacon fat in a skillet and brown your meat in there. Brown it up proper, a few minutes on each side.

Yes, that was a grocery store chuck roast. If I get serious about cleaning up my diet (and I might), I'll go in for a large scale beef purchase from an Ohio farmer. There are droves of them that will sell you a quarter or half an animal. The more you buy, the more competitive the price gets. Some people might be intimidated by the idea of all those different cuts, but some people are candy ass. Hell, I'll figure out how to use the goddamn hooves.

Who's your mama?

Put the browned roast on top the raw root veggies. Deglaze the browning skillet. We had an open bottle of red wine, so I put a few glugs of that in there. You could also use water or beef stock. Turn on the heat and reduce the liquid (no, I don't know by how much, just reduce it until you think it is reduced enough).

Now pour that gorgeous stuff all over your roast. I also drizzled some of this mind-numbingly wonderful oil over it (thank you, sister-in-law for the xmas gift) and added more seasoning. Cover that bad boy tightly with tin foil and put it in the oven.

Immediately reduce the temperature to 250 degrees. DON'T FORGET TO DO THIS (not like I ever have or anything).

Cook three or four hours (depending on the roast) until the meat is fork-tender. Yes, my veggies were overcooked, but so full of wonderful flavor, I didn't care. The liquid in that roast was positively divine, so I sort of mashed up the veggies into it as I ate.

~~sigh~~

Now then, could a person--a regular person's person--have that leftover pot roast for breakfast? Hm ...

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