Friday, September 12, 2014

At the end of the earth with a loin cloth eating terrorist


Domestic terrorist

The readership might not think that looks like a domestic terrorist, but I promise you, it is.

This animal is essentially trying to eat our entire house, despite being (self-limited) to one room (she will not cross the threshold of the living room, which apparently indicates the end of the earth to the bunny).

Perhaps she's just practicing self-control. Perhaps she won't venture out into other parts of the house until her Work is done here in the living room.

House Protector II surveys
the end of the earth
Sometimes the bunny makes out with the house protectors. We have two in the living room. Thankfully they are positioned such that they cannot see each other so they don't know about the bunny's promiscuity.

She has eaten both of their loincloths and most of the hair on the one that has hair.

I'd call the Humiliation and Sexual Enslaving of the House Protectors the bunny's greatest exploit.

Cuckolded House Protector I
Sometimes the bunny hops onto the couch (the leather of which is dotted with holes courtesy of unfortunate sessions during which were not practicing enough care in the supervision of the bunny) and attacks the Goat's newspaper, tearing it into shreds.

Your humble hostess enjoys those proceedings immensely. 

The bunny's other big project involves the table next to where I usually sit. We have essentially conceded this table to the bunny, which she furiously gnaws at like a pint-sized power tool.

Despite how much wood is associated with said side table, I'm pretty sure one day, whilst the Goat and I lounge in the sweet velvet of the morning sipping coffee, I shall set my mug upon the table in order to type a missive on my laptop and the whole thing will clatter to the ground.

And the bunny will silently glare at us, vindicated.

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9 comments:

John Venlet said...

Just in case your bunny gets out of hand.

Anonymous said...

@ Erin-

Perhaps I ought to bring my Guinea 'Trixie' (named by Matthew) over for a play date.

Our first Guinea, 'Oreo', wouldn't leave the living room area rug for the hardwood floors. Trixie and his late cellmate Roger respected no such boundaries. Outlaws.

MR

Anonymous said...

Hasenpfeffer.

(Ever vigilant. Someone has to do it.)

RJ

Chris said...

Oh, now I really miss our domestic terrorist, HodgePodge. He suffered no constraints to his freedom, so ravaged the living room, dining room, kitchen, and my parents' bedroom. He lusted after our cat, who was remarkably tolerant of the attention, and objected strenuously to card games and the little red and green train that circled our Christmas tree every year.

Dang, now I want a bunny!

Erin O'Brien said...

So some bunnies self-limit and others don't. One lusts after a cat, another for a terrifying house protector. Who knew?

As for the hasenpfeffer, I tell the bunny that she's pretty low on the food chain. "Everybody likes to eat cute things, animal," I say. "Don't believe me? Just ask a Peep."

And John, one good link deserves another, although everyone will want to see the photos associated with bunny dressage.

philbilly said...

On bunny dressage site; "Trainers say restraints are vital to prevent uncontrolled breeding."

So true.

John Venlet said...

Erin, those are some jumpin' bunnies. Funny.

Kirk said...

I read this thing twice and you seemed to have left out what I would think would be the biggest problem with a bunny that was allowed to roam freely.

Is that bunny actually paper trained?

Erin O'Brien said...

The bunny has two crappers: one inside of her cage and one in the corner of the living room, which is usually her first destination when we open the door of the cage.

Hence, most of the bunny's turds are in the litter boxes. That said, she does let the occasional rogue pellet fly. Fortunately they are hard little bits that don't really smell.

Good GAWD. Did I really just relay all of that? Yeah, yeah ...