Sunday, July 27, 2014

Guilty pleasures vol. ten: auto service appointments

I love auto service appointments.

Doughnut selection
Brunswick Auto Mart, 2013
I love using the free internet, drinking the free shitty coffee (I even put a shake of the generic brand powdered creamer in there), and meandering around the gleaming new cars with a blandly curious expression.

The bathroom at the Mini Cooper dealership was nicer than my whole house.

I mean COME ON, what about those doughnuts? Who'll take which one? And who doesn't love watching a sales guy try and sneak a pink frosted wonder with sprinkles when no one's looking (but you can bet I am, Mr. Sales Guy).

One time at the Brunswick Auto Mart there was a play area for kids that had a really cool looking toy. I didn't play with it, but I wanted too.

Here's a movie I made during a 2009 service visit at the Mini Cooper dealership.


Like I noted in the vid, the Mini dealership always had fancy snacks: tiny frosted cupcakes and your higher-end cookies and bars. I didn't care about any of that, but the bagels? Who the hell isn't going to eat a big chewy pizza bagel courtesy of Mini Cooper?

This one time, I was eying the last pizza bagel and what the hell happens? Some skinny Mini Cooper chick in really high heels starts orbiting the snack table like she might snap up that last pizza bagel.

So I go online (using the free internet [ha!]) and ask the twitterverse what I should do.

"If she takes it, knock her down!"

"Run over there right now and push her out of the way."

When she just got tea and moved back to her reception area domain, I went and got the bagel.

"Stand down," I tweeted. "The O'Brien's got the pizza bagel."

That's the sort of edge-of-the-seat drama that plays out when you're at your auto service appointment.

My highest hope is to witness a manager giving a sales guy the evil eye for taking a doughnut. I imagine he'll clear his throat loudly, then say something like, "Stevens, meet me in my office when you have a chance," while pulling up the doughnuts-are-for-customers speech in his head.

Then Stevens will dither for a moment or two thinking, Do I put this cream-filled chocolate frosted beauty back in the box or not? After all, I already touched it.

I say he keeps it.

Vintage Microbus art, Brunswick VW dealership

As you may have surmised, this post was inspired by the VeeDubs' one-year scheduled service appointment. No, nothing cool happened like the skinny-chick-pizza-bagel thing or sales-guy-gets-popped-for-doughnut, but I didn't care.

I enjoy auto service visits so much, dear reader, it is not beyond me to saunter into a random dealership and act like a regular person waiting in the service lounge: use the free internet and see how fancy the bathroom is.

And if I opt to crash a Lexus or Mercedes dealership, image the snacks they'll have there. They might even have one of those snotty brews-a-cup-at-a-time coffee machines.

Heh heh heh.

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Elisson said...

Oh, the Benz boys have a hella snack bar. It's like Starby's but with (IIRC) free wares.

Oh, I was a guest., hanging with a friend who was having his car serviced. Why do you ask?

Erin O'Brien said...

"a vending machine that sells stale Oreo cookies and pork rinds"

Plus, you took photos of the coffee bar at the Merc dealership!

I. Am. Not. Alone.

DogsDontPurr said...

Long ago I gave up on the yearly exams for my 13 year old BMW Beastie. It just got too expensive. $1200 if I just dropped an eyelash!
(Also the nearest "good" dealership was in Long Beach....a longggg drive from LAX, where I live.)

Anyway, I discovered this tiny Shell gas station that was BMW certified. And it's just up the hill from my place.

The fellow who owns it, Maurice, used to be a tech at BMW and decided to open his own shop.

This guy is my saviour!

He not only gives me a ride to and from my home in his vintage Jag, he gives me all the gossip on how other garages scam people.

I once went in thinking I needed a break job, and he told me I didn't need anything, just an adjustment...which he did for FREE!!

Love this guy!

So, no donuts...but just as good!

(Us people and our silly cars!)

DogsDontPurr said...

Oh....I meant "Brake" job. Oh, spelling! Break Job sounds kinda kinky though!

Anonymous said...

A guy you trust enough to give his number to friends and family is pretty much golden. Thanks, Freddy, thanks, Jason.

Erin O'Brien said...

DDP: LOVE that you're driving a 13-year old beemer!

Welcome anon, and assuming they have their ears on, welcome to Freddy and Jason.

Erin O'Brien said...

The doughnut facing up looks pornographic.

Michael Lawless said...

You should have lit up a doobie.

Anonymous said...

@ Erin-There was in fact a dark and dismal downside when I was waiting on my car last year: My guy is on 130 across from Southland, and if I had the time I liked to indulge my baser instincts at the Arthur Treachers next door. And Awful Creatures is GONE! No mas. Kaput. Merde. Mort. Dirt-napping. Assumed room temperature. To my knowledge the last one is in Garfield, Turney Rd across from the 'mall'. And the guy does gyros.

Bill Fitzgerald said...

The Toyota service shop I used to go to was connected to a Volvo service shop. The pastries were only available on the Volvo side, of course.

Dudesworthy said...

Ya gotta go Porsche - they'll rock your face off...

(and besides 80s stuff is back in style now, and nothing says Reaganomics more than a white 911)