Friday, September 13, 2013

Secrets of the writing life

A few months ago, my buddy Dee Adams contacted me about conducting a session for the 30th Annual Western Reserve Writers Conference and Workshop. Of course I accepted and will be offering up  Revealed: Secrets of the Writing Life on Saturday, September 29 at 11:15 a.m.

O'Brien drives the bus.
Here's the official description of the one hour presentation: The fundamental components of the writing life are often its best-kept secrets. In this fast-paced high-energy session, seasoned writer Erin O'Brien will spill the 411 on what she’s discovered between the lines, and give you working tips to overcome challenges and achieve success.

What that translates to is an hour of wall-to-wall stuff no one tells you about the writing life--unless you're a graduate from the school of hard knocks. And although I didn't major in creative writing or journalism, I'm a regular valedictorian from that institution.

Here's proof: yours truly back in 2007:

No, I will not be swearing like I did in that vid, but I will be talking about how you make it to the other side of all that rejection. After all, there are reasons why I'm still hammering away at the keyboard and other writers are not, particularly after the recession. And if you don't want to listen to me, there are plenty of other established writers in the lineup, with three sessions to choose from in each time slot.

So pop over here and take a look or send the info to a writer you know who might be interested in spending a Saturday rolling around the craft with a bunch of other writers.

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Hal said...

You know, I'm not a professional writer as you are, so perhaps you should take what I'm going to tell you with a grain of salt. However, it does seem to me that anyone from Dickfuck Magazine who rejected you probably did you a favor. Maybe it's just me, and like I said, I'm not a professional writer, but I don't think I'd want to list Dickfuck Magazine as one of my credits.

I mean, I could see myself in an interview for a staff writer with a very good and reputable publication, and then the interviewer asks me about some of the clippings I submitted with my resume, and I can imagine the look on his face when he or she asks, "So Mr. Perry, what can you tell us about this piece you wrote for Dickfuck Magazine?

I have a feeling that the piece published by Dickfuck Magazine might very well be the last piece of mine ever published by anyone.

Why, Jayson Blair would have a better chance getting published than me after I had something published by Dickfuck Magazine.

But then again, I'm not a professional writer, so what do I know?

Erin O'Brien said...

Dear Mr. Perry,

Thank you for your interest in DickFuck Magazine.

While the editorial staff here at DickFuck found your work engaging, we're afraid it's not quite right for us. Specifically, the arc of the piece felt formulaic and the denouement lacked nuance. It was also difficult to overlook your use of 12-point Lucinda Grande font instead of 11-point, even though you (correctly) used 24-pound oil-free bond paper and included your name, address, Social Security number, age, weight, height, sexual orientation and dental records on the title page per our submission guidelines.

Lastly and perhaps most notably, the prose did not include any of the prerequisite words pussy, ass, tit, cock, fuck and cum.

DickFuck's editorial staff, however, urges you not to become discouraged and to continue searching for a home for your work.

Best of luck,

Editorial Department
DickFuck Magazine

Anonymous said...

Wow...I knew things were bad in print journalism, but it's sad to see a venerable institution like 'Dickfuck" dumb-down their requirements. No more 'triple-penetration'? No more 'midget and/or dwarf'? No more '[BLANK-in-law'?

I'm sure that Seymour Hersh, Upton Sinclair and Jimmy Flynt are in a dark and smoky bar somewhere sharing a fifth and shedding a tear


Hal said...

Dear Ms. O'Brien,

The severance agreement you signed with DickFuck Magazine enjoined you from any public mention of the magazine, and you have clearly done violence to that agreement.

You have 72 hours to remove any and all mentions of DickFuck Magazine or face legal consequences.


Harry Balz
Dick Hertz
Hugh G. Rection

Rection Balls Hertz, Attorneys at Law

Erin O'Brien said...



Anonymous said...

...Say, this is Dick Fuck checking in-any messages?

dba MR

wv: onanismm-someone tryna jerk me around?

Erin O'Brien said...

Dunno, MR.

Jack Cluth said...

And if I wasn't a couple thousand miles away in Portlandia, I would TOTALLY be there. Break a leg!