Sunday, September 09, 2012

"I'm knitting a uterus."


My friend Gretchen knits uteri.

She emailed me and said she was going to send me one of her knit uteri, but when the box arrived there were two, along with a note explaining that she couldn't bear the sight of one lonely uterus in a box, so there you go.

I have previously noted that diagrams of the female reproductive anatomy make me think of someone performing jazz hands, but Gretchen's uteri are different. Gretchen's hand-crafted uteri go beyond a simple dance move, although they do look as though they might spring into a series of cartwheels any minute.

I love the way Gretchen's uteri victoriously display their fallopian tubes, the way they reach for the sky instead of drooping downward. I love the way the ovaries beckon the world like waving hands.


My friend Gretchen's uteri are proud of what they are.

Gretchen's uteri are so powerful they somehow soften the weirdly angular word uteri, which in any context other than being assigned to a knit cartwheeling reproductive plush, might evoke intimidating medical journals or unfriendly aliens from an ancient Star Trek episode.

Gretchen told me that, when asked what she is doing when she is knitting a uterus, answering with, "I'm knitting a uterus," gives her singular satisfaction. Who could argue? Not me. Hence the title of this post.

I am unsure what I will do with my two uteri. For now, it's easy enough just to bask in this honeymoon period, during which my humble household becomes accustom to the uteri and vice versa.

That is all.

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15 comments:

DogsDontPurr said...

As I am winding down my evening from stripping on the internet whilst playing AC/DC and Eminem....I come over here and read about knitted uteri...as if this were all perfectly normal.

My life is beginning to seem a bit more surreal than I would have expected at this point in my life.

Thank you Erin...and the internet! Good times!

Erin O'Brien said...

All the credit goes to Gretchen.

woot!

Joe said...

These might work as sort of a homey scarf for frigid women!

Maybe as a hysterectomy replacement in a string-theory universe?

jen said...

as someone who just had a hysterectomy, i saw these and laughed and laughed (until it hurt.) these are so cute!

my doctor was, um... kind enough to email me photos of my uterus after it was removed. i'd asked if i could bring it home in and jar and she said they aren't allowed to do that anymore.

(i thought i could mail it to the republicans, since they seemed so concerned with what happens in a woman's uterus.)

having seen the photos of my actual uterus, let me tell ya, these are much cuter. much too adorable for any politicians.

:)




jo said...

The subliminal message within the Pippi Longstocking movie begins to become a bit clearer....

Anonymous said...

Mail them to the GOP to be used as instructional aids, since they apparently need help on what they are and how they work ; )

Kalei's Best Friend said...

U can use that uteri as an earring tree....

Erin O'Brien said...

Chicks commenting on the knit uterus? Beautiful.

Michael Lawless said...

The needles, so intrusive, must have made Governor McDonnell so happy....

Bill said...

Pretty much ripping off Wendy's there, Gretchen. That's almost an exact likeness of the Wendy's girl.

Erin O'Brien said...

So Bill connects Wendy's head to a uterus. Funny or disturbing? Dunno.

Bill said...

I guess, if it's some sort of Rorschach test, it IS pretty disturbing. I'll call and make an appointment tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Oh, what victoriously overjoyed uteri! Whatever you decide to do with those, you must get an ultrasound first. At least that's what your friendly republicans would have you do.

~PolishSpring

Anonymous said...

@ Joe-"frigid" usually implies a woman who is unable to enjoy sexuality. Maybe you meant 'infertile' or 'barren'?

MR

PS-My advice to everybody is to stay the hell out of Wndy's until Bill gets some advice from a mental health professional

Bill said...

Gotta love those pigtails. And, whoever thoght a knitted uterus would be used as a football. Political, of course.