Thursday, August 30, 2012

Emergency warning for women:

Do not, under any circumstances, go into the men's shaving supplies aisle. 

I went over there yesterday in search of a mysterious item called Trac II cartridges, which the Goat had put on the shopping list.

Background: my shaving "kit" includes the cheapest plastic disposable razors money can buy, which I use until they are rusted over, making a package of 12 last about three years. And no, I don't use some candy ass passion-fruit-berry-fusion-moisturizing shave "gel." I use your regular Barbasol, which occasionally goes on sale at two for a dollar. When it does, you can bet I stock up. Hence, my experience to date in the men's shaving aisle has been thankfully limited to the brief time it takes to locate the loud red and white striped cans.

But cartridges?

Obviously this expedition would require a bit more intent in the men's shaving aisle, so I dove head-first into the land of weird razors, styptic pencils and all those mustache/beard trimmers with their terrifying accessories. Nose-hair trimmers? Didn't see them, but they were probably there. If that wasn't bad enough, there was the looming fear that I was perilously close to the athlete's foot products and (help) shelves lined with Cruex.

The men's shaving aisle is the male equivalent of the feminine hygiene aisle. 

Do not, incidentally, try to understand men's electric razors.

Aside: the Goat has a collection of electric razors, all of which look nothing like the torture objects I encountered yesterday (about 10,000 models covered an entire wall). The Goat's electric razors (which he does not use) look like they might have been employed by Walter Cronkite when he was about 30 years old.

Aside: Damn. I love the word Schick.

Anyway, I scoured the entire men's shaving aisle in search of the elusive Trac II cartridges. No go. When the Goat came home from work, I shared my failure with him.

"I think they have them behind the cash register," said the Goat. Apparently, Trac II cartridges are some sort of controlled commodity.

Nonplussed, I asked the Goat when he procured his original Gillette Trac II razor. He could not remember, but thought that it pre-dated meeting me, which was in 1990. For perspective, the Goat's razor is about the same vintage as your Milli Vanilli cassette of Girl You Know It's True or older.

This, girls, is the stuff they don't tell you.

*  *  *


Sarah PingsAndNeedles said...

LOL! I too am guilty of the rusty disposables ... And thanks for the Milli Vanilli earworm ... NOT!

Anonymous said...

Is this the equivalent of a woman asking her husband to get tampons? I don't mind doing it (better that than Pampers, any day!) but 5,000 to choose from... and the boxes almost all look the same! ; )

Meagan said...

My husband is still using the electric razor his mom gave him IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I use the fancier disposable 3-blade razors, but I only remember to change them every few months. The only time I buy them is when I'm traveling... And I forgot to pack any. The leftovers generally get mr through the rest of the time.

Primordial Dork said...

I'm sticking with the extra large bottle of Suave Coconut Hair conditioner and one Mach 3 razor used till it needs an Edge of Glory infomercial. Those ladies razors embedded in a chunk of goo? Worthless. I am struggling through a pack bought with a coupon and vowing never again!

Erin O'Brien said...

Sarah: Blame it on the Rain*

Anon: only you can answer that.

Meagan: I am not alone. Hallelujah!

Dork, I have used my Suave Daily Clarifying Conditioner when Lil' OB has used all the Barbasol (I think she regards any sort of bath product as a food group).

* You really need to go view that footage. You think you remember, but you don't. Really.

Elisson said...

Trac II? Really?

Betcha the Goat also takes photos with his trusty wet-plate view camera. Shit, I haven't seen a Trac II razor since before the War.

Of 1812.

Erin O'Brien said...

El, I'd take a photo of it, but frankly, I'm a little afraid. Who wouldn't be?

eviljwinter said...

Disposable Gillette twin blades and a can of Barbasol are all I need. Every electric razor I've owned left me with perpetual 5 o'clock shadow.

Erin O'Brien said...

But chicks dig the shadow, EJW.

Looking more closely at the pic of electric razors, I've just noticed that dubious little brush. And what about that tube of Protein 29? How is it that I am on the same planet with that, let alone in the same house.


dean said...

I use the cheapest form of single blade disposable to trim around my beard. I discard them when I bleed: I don't get cuts when they are sharp, as soon as I get cut the blade is dull and out it goes.

You can probably save money by buying a huge-ass bottle of cheap, cheap conditioner for shaving. As I understand it, the cheaper the conditioner the better it works for shaving and Mrs Dean (also known as Chris) swears that the stuff works the best of anything. And the bottle in the shower is still about 1/4 full and I think we bought it for $2 a year and a half ago.

dean said...

Because it's really a HUGE ass bottle people. With a pump. For about 2 bucks.

happyvalleynews said...

Hey, it ain't easy keeping that bikini line trimmed. Oh the pains we men endure to look good for the ladies.

Anonymous said...

I'll only say this about the "bikini" line, or as we call it here at Chez MR, the 'Valley Of The Shadow Of Death', "You've got to keep it clean as a whistle or it won't get blown."


Erin O'Brien said...

Dean, you are so speaking my language.

Happy and MR. I'm not sure which--if either of you--is joking and I'm not going to ask. I'm just going to move on.

DogsDontPurr said...

Check out this youtube on how to sharpen those disposable blades. It really works!

Goat said...

Why am I feeling pressure for an upgrade?

Erin O'Brien said...

DDP, you realize that now he may never ever ever upgrade that razor.

I wonder if the guy in the video is wearing any undies.

Joe said...

Barbasol and cheap disposable razors are not exclusively the purview of EOB. That is also how I roll.

JBlank said...

Had to buy the Trac II's for my husband at he Dollar General store. If'n you don't mind generic.

Erin O'Brien said...

See, hoose, we do have something in common.

I had to look up purview.

JB: this is going to be big news in GoatLand.