Do not, under any circumstances, go into the men's shaving supplies aisle.
I went over there yesterday in search of a mysterious item called Trac II cartridges, which the Goat had put on the shopping list.
Background: my shaving "kit" includes the cheapest plastic disposable razors money can buy, which I use until they are rusted over, making a package of 12 last about three years. And no, I don't use some candy ass passion-fruit-berry-fusion-moisturizing shave "gel." I use your regular Barbasol, which occasionally goes on sale at two for a dollar. When it does, you can bet I stock up. Hence, my experience to date in the men's shaving aisle has been thankfully limited to the brief time it takes to locate the loud red and white striped cans.
Obviously this expedition would require a bit more intent in the men's shaving aisle, so I dove head-first into the land of weird razors, styptic pencils and all those mustache/beard trimmers with their terrifying accessories. Nose-hair trimmers? Didn't see them, but they were probably there. If that wasn't bad enough, there was the looming fear that I was perilously close to the athlete's foot products and (help) shelves lined with Cruex.
The men's shaving aisle is the male equivalent of the feminine hygiene aisle.
Do not, incidentally, try to understand men's electric razors.
Aside: the Goat has a collection of electric razors, all of which look nothing like the torture objects I encountered yesterday (about 10,000 models covered an entire wall). The Goat's electric razors (which he does not use) look like they might have been employed by Walter Cronkite when he was about 30 years old.
Aside: Damn. I love the word Schick.
Anyway, I scoured the entire men's shaving aisle in search of the elusive Trac II cartridges. No go. When the Goat came home from work, I shared my failure with him.
"I think they have them behind the cash register," said the Goat. Apparently, Trac II cartridges are some sort of controlled commodity.
Nonplussed, I asked the Goat when he procured his original Gillette Trac II razor. He could not remember, but thought that it pre-dated meeting me, which was in 1990. For perspective, the Goat's razor is about the same vintage as your Milli Vanilli cassette of Girl You Know It's True or older.
This, girls, is the stuff they don't tell you.
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