Monday, July 30, 2012

The long hot summer vol. one: a sticky situation

No, we do not have air conditioning. Yes, it is hot. No, we're not getting it any time soon. Yes, we could if we were so inclined.

(Remember when almost no one had air conditioning? It wasn't that long ago. Remember when AC was an expensive option on a new car? Remember?)

The worst thing about not having AC is not the copious perspiration that soaks through tee shirts and turns otherwise supple tresses into a wet stringy mess.

The worst thing about not having AC is not the sweat that peppers one's upper lip with fine salty dots one collects with one's tongue along with a bit of foamy residue left over from a slug of ice-cold Pabst.

The worst thing about not having AC is not the steamy fitful nights or the condensation on a mason jar filled with iced coffee (and the subsequent coaster mandate), or the way chocolate bars turn limp and soft to the tooth.

The worst part of not having AC, dear readership, is forearm stickiness.

To be sure, the stickiness in general is annoying, with the corn silks sticking to one's sweat-sheathed legs during shucking (admittedly done outside, but you get the picture) and the formidable task of dressing after a shower. But the zenith of stickiness peril, dear readership, is when the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle (particularly one purchased for a dollar at a garage sale) stick to one's forearms (when one leans on the puzzle table to study a piece afar) and fall to the floor (sometimes even upon that of another room, depending on the degree of forearm stickiness) unbeknownst to the puzzler.

I shall leave the aftermath of said eventuality to your imagination.

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Vince said...

What you need is a Mahl stick This very problem was addressed when they were doing icon frescoes in Ravenna. ~Albeit in reverse.

Vince said...

Of course the wet/dry friction has other plus's on hot sticky days, if novels set in the South are anything to go by.

Howzat for a trip from Theodora to Tammy in Tampa

Erin O'Brien said...

I like it, Vince, and damned if that wasn't a new one on me. I've learned something before 7:30 in the morning. That must be a good thing.

Kirk said...

I'm curious--do you have electric fans in your home?

Erin O'Brien said...

We have ceiling fans in the upstairs bedrooms, Kirk.

Mike Lawless said...

My wife has a separate bedroom (we meet from time to time on the hallway floor), but she MUST have AC, and does. I do have fans in my room and sleep in just my jockeys. But our sun WILL soon explode.

Erin O'Brien said...

MR: Do you mean the sun as in the earth's most significant energy source (read: fireball in the sky), and that it's about to explode and destroy all life as we know it; or did you mistype sOn, as in you and your wife's offspring, who is unhappy with your current HVAC configuration?

As you can imagine, this matter may or may not be of imminent concern to me as well as my readers.

Bill said...

remember these, anyone?

Erin O'Brien said...

Bill, I sure do not. LOVE IT!

Mike Lawless said...

If we had any offspring, they certainly may explode, but we do not. Making love on the hallway floor is not conducive. I am not much of a conspiracy theorist, except in a hopefully irrational fear that the sun is about to have an orgasm (in the hope it may procreate?) and that the ejaculation will change our lives as we know them.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

I actually saw one of those car window AC units at a car show in Columbus not too long ago. I had to ask my former brother in law what it was.

I have AC. In my car and in my home. I also have ceiling fans in all three bedrooms, my "computer" room, and our great room. Then again, I live in NC, where it is currently 88 degrees F, and very humid. Erin may call it "candyass," but trust me, down here it is a godsend.


Erin O'Brien said...

ML: Sorry for mixing you up with MR!

Al, I'm pretty sure 88 down there is the same as 88 up here. And the heat wave has been pretty stubborn.

philbilly said...

Volkswagen Crotch Cooler.

They do work, 1951 and '52 only. So do vent windows, sadly banned by NHTSA.

On the window cooler units, you could fill'em with ice to really live large.

Erin O'Brien said...

I daresay they were needed, phil.

twinklysparkles said...

I only remember living in houses with AC and I'm older than ye Erin O'Brien. I am sure we did not have it in some houses, but those I don't remember.

We got AC back in Kent when I was pregnant and barfing 7 times a day. It was July of 1995 and it was 92 degrees and 90% humidity much of that summer.

Candy ass is a great phrase and a great concept. I accept.

Erin O'Brien said...

As your dearly beloved will remember, twinks, in our neighborhoods back in the 70s, no one had AC. Neither did the schools.

No one had ceiling fans either. We sweltered, we did!