Monday, November 28, 2011

Your wife


Your wife, being your wife, is your wife.

Your wife will determine what is right. Your wife will determine what is wrong. All disputes concerning your wife's decisions will be settled by your wife.

Do not expect your wife to behave rationally.

Your wife knows things about your socks that are damaging, but not as damaging as the things she knows about your underwear.

In the kitchen, your wife's authority is absolute.

Your wife owns all the stuff over there. Your wife own's all the stuff over here. Your wife owns all the stuff in between. You can have the lawnmower.

Failure to adhere to these posted ordinances regarding your wife will severely limit your access to this.

* * *

14 comments:

Bill said...

Happy Wife. Happy Life.

Big Mark 243 said...

... and what limited access to 'that' would mean is that the husband's life can't be too happy...

VideoDude said...

I will have you know, I am the boss of my house. As long as I ask my wife first before I do anything.

Craig Hughes said...

Which leaves the unasked question, what was your search that found the lace up stocking?

Anonymous said...

I'll tell you, it's a pain in the ass to unlace those with your teeth

Jim said...

I am wife free since 2003! (Actually late 2002, but that didn't rhyme) I haven't noticed a loss of access, and my socks now live comfortable lives of their own, yet rarely stray far beyond the confines of the sock drawer or my feet despite the trauma of the washing machine and dryer. And I own everything from here to there and back again. Just another perspective on the issue of wives. To have or have not; I think not.

twinkly sparkles said...

That is not my wife, but we have same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, hellz yeah!

I try to explain the things in this post to all concerned, but I am happy to know I can refer to your authority on the subject from now on.

Pleasing women has always made the most sense to me. When Mama's happy, everyone's happy.

Joe said...

Yes, except at my house the kitchen is mine. So is all of the stuff in it -- especially my good knives. NO ONE can use my good knives.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

My rule is simply this...

My authority ends at the front door (of the house, abode, etc.).

Once I get that, everything else is easy.

Al
TRAG

twinkly sparkles said...

You want to know the power of the wife's power in the kitchen? My 15-year old broke a glass the other day and the first thing out of her mouth was "Nana's gonna be mad" because she thought it was one of my mother's mother's glasses (it wasn't, I didn't care, and my mother can't remember much anyway). Still, the power is generationally transferred.

Mike Lawless said...

I love my wife. She is my best friend. But, the dark side...is... that she can be a source for jokes when I require the approval of my male peers, alcohol is usually involved...always involved. It's similar to how we men always hit a home run as far as our friends were concerned. Even if we just dribbled a ground out.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

As for the kitchen, it is mine, rule above be damned.

Al
TRAG

Erin O'Brien said...

You people give good comment.

You're good people, you people.

The O'Brien does not approve of people who use the phrase "You're good people," particularly when the employer of said phrase is talking to just one person.

The O'Brien does not approve of people who refer to themselves in the third person.

The O'Brien is good people.

Anonymous said...

No Wife, well actually two ex's.
James Old Guy