Friday, May 27, 2011

Barbie round-up

1. Poor Barbie. Her magic begins to fade the moment she's plucked from the shelf. From there, dusk dissolves quickly into night as she is frantically pried from her the safety of her stalwart packaging.

2. Let's give credit where credit is due. Barbie is snazzy. And there is no such thing as too much snazzy.

3. Have you ever see a little girl pick up her Barbie by the legs and whip it around? Sugar and spice my ass. A seven-year-old with attitude can turn Fashion Fairytale Barbie into a weapon worthy of those Capital One "What's in Your Wallet" Viking guys.

4. Despite the innocuous curved plastic that makes up her torso, Naked Barbie is dirty.

5. Accessories for an Erin Barbie would be a laptop shoulder bag and big funky "Shape Up" tennies. The elaborate xmas-gift accessory would (of course) be a Mini Cooper. Mattel would surely "correct" the body proportions and omit the baggy hoodie and cast iron frying pan. Question is, would Erin Barbie have a pet Goat?

6. Eventually, Barbie dear, your hair WILL get cut and it AIN'T gonna be pretty.

7. There is nothing more honest than Old Barbie. Her snazzy outfit is reduced to a frayed halter top and one high heel. Her hair has long given way to the dingy Brillo pad look and the Glitterizer wardrobe is somewhere in the land of dust bunnies and lost socks under the bed. Although the party is way way over, this is when I respect Barbie more than ever.

She still has a smile on her face.

* * *


Anonymous said...

Polystyrene Prozac?
Mike R

Kalei's Best Friend said...

One of my daughters has her collection of Barbies stashed in those plastic stackable containers- and they're all naked... safely kept in the garage waiting for my adult daughter to do something w/them...

Leslie Morgan said...

Oh, now custom-designed Barbie is something at which I may excel. Hmm .. Leslie Barbie ~

1. Would NOT have long, scraggly hair.She would work as hard as I do to attain that "just rolled out of the sack" hair look.

2. Would have a delicate little plastic black cat named Virginia Woolf.

3. Would NOT have those too-tiny, painfully arched plastic feet. Leslie Barbie would need feet made for walking and hiking.

4. Would have an accessory wardrobe including 100 pairs of eyeglasses, a la a neo-Elton John(ette).

5. Would NOT have a chest like the prow of a ship.

Kirk said...

There's got to be a morning after...

philbilly said...

Usta date that last photo.

Good times.