Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Puff off (resurrected)

Dear friends,

As you can see, the sons of bitches over at Proctor Gamble have pulled a fast one.

It's a bit difficult to see in today's graphic, but essentially we're looking at one hell of a lot more box here than tissue--about a one inch differential. So instead of the Puffs box being filled with Puffs, it's filled with 90 percent Puffs and ten percent deception.

And here I am, with no idea how long I've been pulling a Puff from a box and blowing into a goddamn postage stamp. Is it any wonder why I've been using two tissues every time I get a serious runner?

Talk about your embarrassment. I'm usually on top of this sort of thing. I see what the corporate bastards are doing. I'm onto the 59-ounce "half gallon" of orange juice. And yes, the O'Brien checks and makes sure that she's getting a full 12 ounces in her can of shitty beer. I bought a twelve pack of that nancy Stella Artois beer? I get it home? What do I see? Eleven POINT TWO ounces in the goddamn bottle!

Your Pabst boys wouldn't try to pull that off on a PBR drinker. Your PBR drinkers know which side of the bread is buttered, baby.

I am not the only one onto these shitbags. You are not going to believe this, but dig what "Monika, Puffs Team" told "NoticesDetails" on the Puffs consumer comment page:
We are often faced with difficult choices when our costs rise, we can change the package, product or price. I hope you understand and continue be Puffs loyal.
I think I'll go blow my nose in Monika's hair, the silly little broad.

(Who says some shit like "Puffs loyal?" And how irritating is that "K" in Monika? How much you want to bet when you meet that silly little broad and say, "Nice to finally meet you in person, Monika," that she gives you a tight-lipped smile and says, "Actually, it's pronounced Moe-KNEE-ka." Screw her.) 

DO NOT start talking about how the Puffs box has the tissue dimensions listed right where I can see them. This here is a small tissue in a big cardboard box that I cannot see through and I AM NOT going to take a goddamn ruler to the goddamn discount grocery store and start measuring kleenex boxes like some sort of half-ass consumer advocate. It's bullshit.

This is worse than the goddamn one-and-one-half-quart of ice cream that used to be a half gallon. At least that's honest. At least the box fits the product. And that "pound" of Eckrich smoked sausage announces its 12 ounces of sodium nitrate-infused goodness right on the label.

Maybe I'll get a hankie and carry it in my back pocket like a dude. Blow my nose in there and shove it back into my pants just like that.


But to hell with those Proctor Gamble shitbags. You hear this Moe-KNEE-ka? The O'Brien isn't going to be one of your "Puffs loyal" blowers anymore.

Don't believe me? Just ask the mothers over at Colgate Palmolive.

* * *


glittergirl said...

i've noticed so many things like this. total rip off.

just the other morning i couldn't get the last of my lotion out of the bottle with the pump. i had to take it apart and then realized that the pump was an inch too short. i guess most people would throw it out at that point.

i thought of you and said, "screw this!" and stuck a wooden chop stick into the bottle.

i can go another week with this damn chopstick!


Anonymous said...

With all your penny-pinching ways I can't believe you spend money on Puffs. I would never splurge like that. Store brand for me!

Judy said...

I use a great big hanky that hangs out my back, eh?

Big Mark 243 said...

This is pretty funny. I am not 'rain man' observant about things like that... I am glad for people like you, providing an invaluable service to the rest of america.

Your country salutes you!

Amy L. Hanna said...

LOL ... I've always known Stella was an 11.2 . It's been like that for a long time.

As for the other more domestic goods, this issue is more recent. I believe when this came to light in the general media just a few years ago, the justification manufacturers gave was that it cost less to transport (due to gross product weight). Remember, too, that this coincided when gas prices shot up past the $3.00 mark.

Daniel said...

That is a load of bullshit right there. You know some Sr. VP Exec jerkoff in their Planning & Analysis department got a hefty bonus the year they trimmed down the tissue size.

You know what you need to do? Write them a letter. You know you want to do it.

And, trying to find an address... still looking... still looking... man, these mother fuckers really do not want you to write them a letter.

Puffs Tissues
Consumer Relations
1 Procter & Gamble Plaza
Cincinnati, OH 45202

Don't you live in Ohio? You should show up in person and demand justice. Bring the bottle of blood with you. For dramatic flair.

Erin O'Brien said...

These rat bastard sons of bitches!

SURE they cut costs by cutting the tissue, but not the box just so they can camouflage the chintzier tissue.

This is cheese dickery at its worst.

Erin O'Brien said...

Maybe I will write the sons of bitches and put a couple of used tissues in there by way of evidence.

jomeinckd said...

Don't bother writing to them, they will just tell you the box stayed bigger because it would cost too much to retool the packaging machinery (but they'll probably send you some coupons).

Eff them and do what we do: go buy a big-ass 12-pack of paper towels. You can honk all you want to in those without getting snot on your hands anyway. Get the ones where you can choose a size depending on if you have a little toot or a big snork. Think they're too rough? Spoiled by puff-nose? It's almost winter. Start working on building up those nose calluses now.

And dont buy the giant eagle store brand either. Cuz you know why? THOSE sneaky effers bank on people figuring store brands are cheaper and they charge a dollar more a package than Scott's and you get less square footage. You gotta keep on top of these bastards. You're doing a great job Erin and I look forward to your next consumer report!

Happy blowing,

Al Penwasser said...

Wow, sleeves have always worked for me.

Two Flights Down said...

The little wenches shall get a piece of my mind. And can I vent about glass bottles? I have a habit of pealing stickers off things and a while back I noticed stickers on the bottom of glass bottles for various items. I began pealing them off to find a huge divet on the bottom to fool me into thinking that the bottle is holding more than it actually is. Not only do they pull that crap, but they try to hide it with a sticker? WTF?! Those bastards will try to make any package look bigger...

glittergirl said...

p.s. please stay calm and do not resort to a cloth hanky in your pocket. that is incredibly gross.

i'll buy you a bottle of clamato if that will help keep you away from the "handkerchief"!!!