Friday, November 19, 2010

American joke

A guy walks into an airport.

Guy gets his naked picture taken, gets felt up, whatever. He boards his plane, flies to his destination.

He gets off the plane, rents a car and drives to Joe's Guns-N-Donuts. The guy buys a donut (glazed chocolate cake, no sprinkles), buys a gun.

He gets back into his rented car (a Toyota Camry, ice blue) and drives to a mall. He walks through the perfume cloud in front of Macy's, goes by the carts selling sunglasses and remote control helicopters. The guy eats his donut.

He shoots seven people, kills three of them--a mall walker guy, a woman who was looking for a goddamn pair of jeans that fit, and a 17-year kid in a droopy eminem tee.

Ha.

* * *

36 comments:

swine said...

and that's basically the REAL terrorism. and no one can stop it. so, all these fuckos thinking they're safer may need to actually re-think their ideas. Ooo, Americans...thinking...imagine the overload in circuitry.

Erin O'Brien said...

Dear Men: PLEASE get massively erect for each and every airport screening, and SMILE SMILE SMILE at the security clerk for me!

Mrs. C said...

I'm with Erin on this--take your jumbo junk with you on that jumbo jet.

Contrary Guy said...

"Dear Men: PLEASE get massively erect for each and every airport screening, and SMILE SMILE SMILE at the security clerk for me!"

geez... these women and 'performance on command'! lol like I'm gonna get hard in front of Bubba the TSA goon.

I've basically boycotted airlines for the last 10 years anyway, so I'm getting a kick out of these grope-em or zap-em stories.

Erin O'Brien said...

I'm gonna pack one of these muthas next time I go a-flyin'

philbilly said...

A guy walks into an airport.

Guy gets his naked picture taken, gets felt up, whatever. He boards his plane, flies to his destination.

He gets off the plane, rents a car and drives to Joe's Guns-N-Donuts. The guy buys a donut (glazed chocolate cake, no sprinkles), buys a gun.

He gets back into his rented car (a Toyota Camry, ice blue) and drives to a mall. He walks through the perfume cloud in front of Macy's, goes by the carts selling sunglasses and remote control helicopters. The guy eats his donut.

As he begins to fire into the crowds, a CCW permit holder assesses the situation, commands the shooter to drop his weapon, and as the gunman turns towards the citizen, he is incapacitated. Police are called.

Less mayhem, more Constitution.

Erin O'Brien said...

Aw hell, Phil. Ya' knew I was a-gonna bring up this lil' ol' CCW mess, didn'tcha? Them cee-cee-dubya's ain't always the bestest ideas.

Erin O'Brien said...

And now in all seriousness--the concealed carry thing makes people think they're John Wayne. The link above is damning evidence to that effect. In this case, CCW left one man dead and another man in jail for 15 to life. They both had the damn permits and the damn guns.

Imagine had neither of those guys had guns--maybe there would have been a fight, an arrest, perhaps a broken nos or worse.

But probably not a body bag.

Your CCW man in the mall might end up with similarly sad statistics. Who was really the bad guy? Who pulled the gun first? Perhaps eye witnesses and cameras will tell-all-true, maybe not.

Perhaps there will be body bags nonetheless.

Kev D. said...

I was all ready to try and come up with something funny but now I'm just depressed that I left Canada.

philbilly said...

CCW permitting is a risk, no doubt. Those two at the Cavs parking incident were young guys, and young guys do stupid things. In Columbia, they dodge freight trains,a kid who's missing two fingers is a cult hero. I would like the permitting process to require much more range time and a few other modifications as well.

But this I can tell you unequivocally:

The thugs, the nutjobs, the gangsters et al, don't give a flying fuck about any gun laws whatsoever. Pandora's box is open as to getting guns, easier than getting antibiotics. I can tell you from firsthand experience in the trenches, that the thugboys were upset when Ohio authorized CCW.

I not only believe many individuals who qualify by the letter of the law shouldn't get CCW's, they shouldn't have fucking driver's licenses either.

However, I would rather live in a society where law abiding citizens carry than one in which only the thugs and the thin blue line are armed.

I have some background info on that Cavs shit, ain't gonna post it here, you and me could have a shitastic beer at the erstwhile Ramble someday, maybe. No guns while drinking, kids.

Erin O'Brien said...

Mr. Phil. I will meet you at the Ramble Inn any day of the week.

eobnow@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Ha! Nice shooting, guy! That takes skill. He deserves another couple donuts.

Quit whining about your dislike for terrorist legislation or whatever, bitch.

Erin O'Brien said...

Anon, thanks for dropping by. You're welcome here anytime as are your opinions. In the future, please omit the name calling.

philbilly said...

Classy, Anon. What are the odds you have the stones to say that shit to someone who actually lost a loved one to such a horror? I already know, and you do too, little tiny anonymouse.

philbilly said...

EOB, I'm on a mission from God right now, with a little luck I will be well nigh due to get fairly shitfaced fairly soon. Holidays and all, dontchyaknow. I'll give you a heads up and then cab it across the River.

Anonymous said...

You try to sell a 20 dollar riding mower in Kentucky at a 1000% mark-up someone feeds you you're beard.

You eat a donut with no sprinkles you become homicidal.

These are not difficult issues to understand.

RJ, Unofficial Spokesperson,International Brotherhood of Airport Scanner Boners.

WV-valym. "Valym would've helped that bash..."

Bill said...

I hate malls and don't eat donuts but I wish I could get a ccw here in California.

Anonymous said...

Damn Toyota and their blue Camry's. Do they sell Viagra at airports?








James Old Guy

Bill said...

Only thing that would have pissed the guy off more is if he had watched Dancing With The Stars. Can you believe there's a national controversy about a stupid fucking dancing show?

Erin O'Brien said...

Not sure which "guy" you're talking about, Bill.

Bill said...

Guy walks into the airport, etc. Watched a Palin on DWTS episode while waiting for his plane. He's boiling by the time he gets his donunt and gun.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

DWTS - who cares?
Bristol Palin - who really cares?
CCWs - I'm for them.
TSA increased security checks - nice way to hurt those who work for airlines. My guess is people will be driving a lot more now.

Al
TRAG

Anonymous said...

I did notice an attractive female TSA agent here, I demanded a pat down, too me three times to get the right TSA agent.






JOG

Erin O'Brien said...

Bill, that seems so obvious now that you say it. Sorry.

James, don't feel bad. I still ask for George Clooney whenever I'm obliged to step into an ER.

Bill said...

Erin: Yeah, I was trying to weave some politics into the conversation. Lame, I know.

JOG: Unfortunately you're more likely to get that burley guy with the big fist, since it's a same gender deal.

philbilly said...

Bristol Palin? Isn't she that remarkable girl who against all the odds managed to get pregnant by an idiot? Talent like that is so rare today. I'm sure her parents are proud, strong leaders.

On the other hand, Brandi has become so smokin hot since her teenage days it makes my teeth hurt to watch her move, or speak, or just blink those big beautiful eyes.

What was the question?

Bill said...

phil: the question was: do you think there are any old pervs with bad teeth watching dwts?

philbilly said...

Yes.

For the record, just had my first cavity at 55.

Bill said...

That program should be called:

"Has Been and Wanna be Celebrities Getting Paid to Dance and Whining About How Hard it is"

The pro dancers are bigger celebrities than the "stars"

Yes. I watch that crap quite often. Pitiful!

Bill said...

what's not to love about Courtney? She should be on DWTS. I've heard that she carries but not sure where.

http://gawker.com/5695535/courtney-love-tweets-half+naked-pictures-again

philbilly said...

Speaking of inappropriate demeanor, I just caught a glimpse of that idiot Palin on her royality show. She and her butler Todd were showing Bristol how to shoot skeet.

Mugging for the camera, Palin sneers," Don't retreat, reload!".

The implication is that righteous 'Merkun citizens are taking up arms and going to shoot someone. Very funny. Very responsible attitude towards deadly force. Clear appreciation of the magnitude and weight of the 2nd Amendment for those who choose to carry, and respect for those who have died to defend the Constitution. Stupid fucking bitch.


Bill, didn't look at your link, but I'll gaurantee a drugsack like Love isn't carrying legally, if at all. Carrying STD's,no doubt.

Bill said...

Phil: I see you have equal disdain for women on both ends of the political spectrum.

Erin O'Brien said...

Say what you will, Bill, but I don't see any cocktail invitations to you in this thread.

Bill said...

You make an excellent point, Erin. Ouch!

philbilly said...

Bill: I have equal disdain for all people who conduct themselves in a despicable, self-serving and base manner.

Personally, I love all women of great character and kind hearts, they are my raison d'etre.

Like men of similar ilk, not that common anymore.

In the words of Steve Martin; "I belive women should placed upon a pedestal, high enough that we can see up their skirts."

Bill said...

You know? Those perfume clouds drive me crazy too!