Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Doing unto others

Christian Faith Financial is a "payday loans & cash advance" site that helps you "the Christian way."

"Helping families with Christian financial assistance," says the site. They mean it too. "Elijah" is standing by in a very persistent pop-up box when you try to close the window. Call it a blessed cyberfoot in the door.

Maybe the money you get from these guys glows. Maybe "IN GOD WE TRUST" is in a bolder font on dollars that come from Christian Faith Financial than on regular non-God dollars. Who knows? The good thing about being endorsed by an entity such as God is that he doesn't make a lot of direct comment on said endorsement.

There's even a snappy biblical reference to assure you you're in hallowed territory, "Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good--Romans 12:21"

This development has put a new spin on what was heretofore one of my favorite terms: Holy shit.


(S)wine said...

gar-ba-jee my friend. it's the 21st Century and we're still dilly-dallying with shit like God and destiny and divine proclamations. they start early though, the freaks. my 5 yr. old was petitioned by her friend's parents to attend church with them one Sunday "because it's fun and there's a lot of singing and dancing." ahahahaha, the parasites get their claws into our kids early. my daughter is perfectly fine w/the buddhist re-incarnation belief (for now). i neatly circumvented the "church issue" by letting her know that church doesn't respect or encourage individuals' different opinions about this subject, and that it tries to convert you to its way of thinking. i told her i'd gladly take her to church, but only if she goes with me, not with someone else's family. she is curious, and i respect that...but i will be the filter for a 5 yr. old being preached to in a church, not some Jesus freak Christian family. and so it goes...the shit begins.

Michael A. Miller said...

The entire Bible as we know it today is a patchwork of arbitrarily cherry-picked chapters---apparently a habit that isn't winding down anytime soon. Whatever happened to money being the root of all evil? It's not a good tagline to market their business so, all of a sudden, it's a princople that doesn't exist?

These people should embed a "Jesus of the Week" widget or order some Jesi from Archie McPhee to give as premiums.

deangc said...

I'm going to open a Christian Dog Wash.

Actually, maybe it should be a Christian Cat Wash. I'll scrub me down some fundy pussy.

Earl Tesch said...

Soooooo....does Christian Faith Financial just float interest free payday loans? Probably not.

BTW - I'm not now, nor have I ever been a Christian, but one thing should be cleared up...

Swine: It is the love of money that is the root of all evil. Not money itself. There are entire churches that focus on the "prosperity" message in the bible. Just saying.

Geoff Schutt said...

Erin, your final two words ... perfect summation. I agree.

Ken Houghton said...

"Love comes quick/ Love comes in a hurry/ There are thieves in the temple tonight."

(Image of Ted Neely mock-storming through a bazaar.)

Even better, they're just a broker to Usury:



"This Website and its owners do not provide loans or act as a broker in connection with any loans. This Website exclusively provides the service of obtaining information from you and automatically directing such information to third parties who may be contacting you with loan information."

(S)wine said...

Earl, I didn't say anything about money/love of money as being the root of all evil in my comment. i was talking about the early indoctrination of our kids by The Church (or parents).

although i do believe a Central Banking system like most countries have (if not all) is evil incarnate.

(S)wine said...

Earl, I think you may have me confused with Michael--another commenter here.

Sean Craven said...

's funny. I was struck by this thought just yesterday...

There are many Christians who are decent, trustworthy human beings. But people who speak of their Christianity in a business context are almost always untrustworthy.

It dawned on me that when someone says, "Grant me special treatment or regard because I'm a Christian," they think it's appropriate to treat people differently from one another on the basis of religious belief. Which means that they're comfortable treating some people poorly.

It's so obvious that I never noticed it before.

In the words of W.S. Burroughs, "If you ever do business with a religious son of a bitch, get it in writing."

It ain't just the Christians, though. I recently found out about a New Age (man, that shit is old) pyramid scheme that did the usual 'you will be rich beyond your wildest dreams' routine, and then followed it with the suggestion that you shouldn't get involved unless your heart was open to joyfully losing your money for the sake of the people who joined before you did. That you should consider it a gift to the world.

Now that's a good one.

The Fool said...

"There's a big difference between kneeling down, and bending over."
- Frank Zappa

"My god ain't short on cash, mister."
- Bono

Kirk Jusko said...

Who sez bankers are all Jews?

Erin O'Brien said...

Smarmy. That's the word for it.

There's lots of smarmy in the world, bu this is the zenith of smarmy.

LimesNow said...

@ SeanCraven: just look for the fish insignia on the business card,l webpage or Yellow Pages spot. There's your clue!

Anonymous said...

Do they frost their cornichons with ganache at the zenith of smarmy?


Dudesworthy said...

Has anyone else noticed that the picture of the family in the top left corner looks a little odd..?

The mom (or so I assume) isn't really smiling, she's just sort of baring her teeth at us, which is probably something to do with the vampire child lurking in the dark shadows to her right.

That kid clearly has fangs...

Dude$worthy said...


I am now a millionaire!

I clicked on the link that says: "Don't have a bank account? Get one now!" in the Banking Information section and another webpage appeared miraculously that told me I'd won the jackpot!

I am now rich for life! Thanks Erin!

Hal said...

I bet the interest rates they charge are of biblical proportions!

philbilly said...

Sean Craven has it right, the ones who wear Jebus in their sleeves are running a scam. On themselves, everyone else or both.

Some years back, I lost nearly everything I had worked for, no big deal, part of business, I was paying the cost to be the boss. It's all come back tenfold because I'm lucky enough to be a prole in America, and I rock at what I do.

During the worst of it, I was selling/scrapping everything to stay ahead of bankruptcy, which I did.

Several fucking "christians" answered ads on Craigslist, and their glee at seeing how hard they could take me down on price was disgusting, all the while babbling about abundance and Jebus.

I was fucked, and they knew it, and it made them love their god.

When the Jebus shit comes out their mouth, put one hand on your wallet and the other on the nearest door.

And you fuckheads who are planning for the endtime ("send money now, the time is nigh"), you are all cowards, the fight for justice is here and now.

By your deeds ye shall be known.

philbilly said...

Lest I sound anti-Christian, I have met some of the finest people on the planet who are professing Christians. They are compelled by their beliefs to do the best they can. They help everyone they can, they accept, albeit with great difficulty ,people who live lives that are in opposition to many of their beliefs. Not phony tolerance, but innate understanding that we have free will.
And inevitably, they protect their children, which shows in the happiness they display.

These are not the intolerant, selfish simple-minded boobs that follow the mega-bigots.

Oh Lord, please help the IRS to put Hagee and Copeland in prison, where they might truly get religion.

Velociman said...

Using Christianity as a brand differentiation device to hook the hopeless souls who must rely on the scourge of egregious payday loans doesn't make Christianity, or Christians, bad. Just the people who whore Christianity to make the payday loans. Right? Because by no reckoning could they be called Christians, so it's silly to tar Christians for what others do in their name.

Muslims, of course, do not believe in usurious interest. Beheading? Yes! Stoning of women? Yes! Murder of gays? Yes! Usury? No.

Glad we cleared that up!

jonas said...

Yes. All Muslims. They all believe it. They all do it. All the time.


Erin O'Brien said...

Kimbaby, you sure how to extrapolate.

eviljwinter said...

If you're doing payday loans, you're not a Christian.

Call me funny, but I think they're pretty serious about that whole "Thou shalt not steal" thing. Usually, it makes the victim forget another very important commandment: Thou shalt not kill.

"Well, you're honor, he wanted to loan me $500 at 48% interest."

"And you let him live how long? Your insanity plea is accepted. Bailiff, haul the defendant off to the lounge and make him watch Dr. Phil."

(S)wine said...

philbilly, i have taken the liberty to use your brilliant quote on my blog. duly attributed, of course. thank you.

Tony said...

Did the Bible proclaim "there's a sucker born every minute" ?