Monday, May 11, 2009

Driving with Jesus

While I was in the supermarket the other day, someone placed a religious flyer beneath my windshield wiper. I didn't notice it until I was buckled up and ready to go, so I took my chances and pulled out.

As I drove home, the flyer flapped away, but stayed affixed to the car as I suspected it would. It reminded me of this tongue-in-cheek documentary/reality show wherein the host hung out with "alternative" individuals. I don't remember much about it. But on one show, he traveled along with a Ministry that delivered the word by driving around in a van that had religious slogans painted on its side. There may have been a loudspeaker as well. I'm not sure.

"So by driving around like this we're actually ministering?" asked the TV host.

"That's right," his guest replied. "We're delivering the Word right now."

So I've decided to keep the Jesus flyer on the Mini Cooper for a while. Will it fly off one day? What does it mean if someone removes it? If I let it get all tattered and rain-soaked, is that some sort of desecration? Am I subtly ministering by traveling along with this message? Maybe I'd better read it and make sure I'm not spreading some evil code hidden between the lines.

I'll let you know how it turns out.



Earl Tesch said...

Well, if you haven't accepted the lord JC as your personal savior, at least you know the Mini's soul will be saved.

deangc said...

Maybe it's like those Tibetan prayer flags: every time the paper flaps some poor sod gits evangelized.

It'd be hilarious if you, Erin, wind up being solely responsible for a resurgence in the GOP in Ohio.

Tony said...

If you leave it on long enough, the Mini may qualify as a shrine.

Kirk Jusko said...

That reminds me of the George Carlin routine about people who have Jesus statuettes on top of their dashboards.

"Hey, Jesus, look at me drive!"

CynDe said...

I bought a house that was furnished; complete with "portraits" of Jesus.
My boyfriend said "throw them out".
Just creeped me out to do that. Head and shoulders Jesus and praying Jesus are hanging in my basement watching me doing the laundry.

No offers to help me fold the sheets yet but what man offers help with that?

Elisson said...

Wasn't there a song about that? Carrie Underwood, IIRC... "Take The Wheel, Jesus (And Drive My Fucking Car)"

Harry Finch said...

You may wish you had that flyer the next time the Mini scoots through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

Anonymous said...

Erin, Lets go back to the beginning. Did you actually see someone place the flyer on the Cooper? Seriously, did someone put it there or was it Divine flyer placement? (I've heard of this happening) Has it rained since Christ (or a church temp) placed this flyer? if so, do you have a apperation burned into your windshield? Kind of an Automotive stigmata? What was on your shopping list? Let me guess... Angel food cake? I know I'm right on this Huh? So many questions...
Your Friend, John Doe

Anonymous said...

Re: deangc's comment above: It would be better if....every time the paper flaps, some evangelist gets sodomized... :)

Anonymous said...

Drop Kick Me, Jesus

Drop kick me, Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end, neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me, Jesus through the goal posts of life

Make me, oh make me, Lord more than I am
Make me a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptations below
I’ve got the will, Lord if you’ve got the toe


Bring on the brothers who’ve gone on before
And all of the sisters who’ve knocked on your door
All the departed dear loved ones of mine
Stick them up front in the offensive line

(Chorus 2x)

Oh, drop kick me, Jesus through the goal posts of life

Bobby Bare 1976 (The world's only Christian football waltz). Words and music by Paul Craft.


philbilly said...


That song shares first place in my book for Greatest Country Song Title Ever with "Thank God and Greyhound Yer Gone."

Third place, "Gimme 40 acres and I'll turn this rig around."

Erin's post reminds me of the cartoon depicting evolutionists standing in awe of a water stain shaped like Darwin.

philbilly said...

Second place, you ask?

"I got tears in my ears from lyin' on my back, cryin' over yew."

(S)wine said...

Jesus Chrysler drives a Dodge

Anonymous said...

No I don't I drive a BMW.


Erin O'Brien said...

Dear God I get my share of comments!