Friday, March 20, 2009


Producing the first draft of my column is always like passing some sort of ragged stone. Whether I'm writing about drinking in a 5 a.m. bar or Dirty Barbie, beads of perspiration, squeezing, grunting and writhing in agony all go with the territory .

I know I'm finally getting somewhere when the stabbing pains start to subside and chortles, smirks and inhalations of revelation slowly begin to take their place.

So that's what's I'm doing today.

To mirror the experience in a modern cyber-sort of way, I offer this absolutely darling interview with one of Hef's Girls Next Door courtesy of Chelsea Lately. It may cause you to have a fit of pain or a bout of laughter. I guess it all depends on your point of view.


philbilly said...

Cognitive Dissonance;

Can't decide whether to take a cold shower or join the Taliban.

A train wreck with ta ta's.

I could not look away, nor did I want to.

Erin O'Brien said...

Sort of gives you an idea of how "you have to see it to believe it" became a cliche.

Shaina said...

at my school when they put on "The Vagina Monologues" they make chocolate vagina lollipops. they're yummy :-) that's all i could think of when she was talking about that...

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

Where do they find people like this? Jesus, what a complete dolt.


deangc said...

The correct term is 'vulva', people!

You know, there was never a time in my life when I found vapid stacks of silicone attractive, and that hasn't changed with advancing age.

Ms Lately, now...

Erin O'Brien said...

I actually sort of liked the way she called it "your junk."

Amy L. Hanna said...

Love Chelsea Handler. She's coming to Playhouse Square April 18.

philbilly said...

I usta drive a Vulva.

Ditto, deangc, home grown beats silicone grown every time.

I'll be at Playhouse Square April 18, thanks for the heads up. Is that a pun?

Alan states said...

Da PRIDE of Ah mehr rick kah

Kirk Jusko said...

A scantily-clad snarky blond vs a scantily-clad dumb blond.


Erin O'Brien said...

Ha! You nailed it, Kirk!

Kirk Jusko said...

On a more serious note, I liked the two links.

Kirk Jusko said...

Wow, Erin, that was fast! I was expecting my two comments right next to each other!

Amy L. Hanna said...

@philbilly: You're welcome.

@Kirk: Your boorish wagging doesn't become you.

@Erin: For SHAME!

dogsdontpurr said...

I so cannot imagine what it would be like to live life like that. The hair, the makeup, the nails, the BOOBS!! And when I see girls like that, I always wonder what they eat. And do they go to the gym? How do you keep a body like that...and still be happy? It has to be a full time job, every waking minute.

My psycho neighbor is sort of like that. She maybe weighs 105 pounds, her body is to die for...yet she spent $10,000 for liposuction on her thighs. Unbelievable!

I don't know. I don't really mean to sound like I'm criticizing anything about what these women do. If it makes them happy, that's great. I just find it fascinating to think about how they go through their day compared to us "normal" people.

Hal said...

A chocolate weege.


Anonymous said...

Thread HiJack!

Cleveland State rocks on; No. 4 Wake Forest out
One-time top-ranked Demon Deacons biggest upset victim of first round!

C.S. 84
Wake 69

Go Vikings!

How about a little love for the home team E O'?


Erin O'Brien said...

It's basketball, right?

deangc said...

Sure, basketball has millionaires leaping around in shorts, but does it have chocolate vulvas? (Vulvae? Lord help me, I don't know the plural of vulva, but I sure would like to. If you know what I mean.)

As an aside, I will note that 'Chelsea' as a girl's name enjoyed a brief fad in the late 70's, but it seems to have dropped in popularity.

Erin O'Brien said...

Wow, Cochrane, you sure did (ahem) steal the ball.

Vulvae or vulvas.

After application of Kitty Tamer Cream, the vulvae of the test subjects in group C responded more fervently to the stimulus package than those of the subjects in the groups A or B, to whom a placebo ointment was supplied.

deangc said...

That makes me a sort vulvular point guard, then?

I'm always watching out for vulvas.

Kirk Jusko said...

Boorish wagging's about all I got left.

Phil said...

deangc, I know what you mean.

Amy, dangit, Chelsea is sold out, I may have to get cable. Or not.

Kirk Jusko ruled with that recent comment about a teenage boy's abstinence being easy when the teenage girls say no, so true, so true, I lived it too.
Could it be a clue?

CSU. badass. What a shot(s).

philbilly said...

That's philbilly, Phil is my stage persona. Actually heard a guy say that once, still makes me laugh.

Kirk Jusko said...

Phil or philbilly, thanks for the compliment, though I'm a bit clueless about "Could it be a clue?" Maybe this will help. When it comes to the degradation of the culture, I ALWAYS feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

One last thought on Ms. Madison. She may be full of not so much junk as shit. Bullshit. It doesn't pay to act normal on a cable reality show.

philbilly said...

Kirk, late responding, my comment on "a clue" was a smartass way of saying that young chicas could make their lives much easier by not giving it up so easy.

Young dudes will eventually always fall in tow for young tail, the chicas have the power if they can hold out a little longer, then they get banged by a dude with a real job.

That's how it usta be.

This mass media culture tries to make cheap whoring look hip.

Ya know who I bet was a blast in bed? Julia Child. That's right, I can just hear her now, "ooooo, that's so rich and satisfying!"

I knead you, Julia.

Divana said...

Kendra Wilkinson on Chelsea Lately is Rolling on floor, laugh out loud, funny!