Monday, January 05, 2009

Goat archives vol. one: bathroom vanity

My Dearly Beloved (aka the Goat) cleaned out his bathroom vanity. Despite what your sensibilities tell you, all of the following photographs were taken on January first in the year of our Lord, two thousand nine.

* * *

Aromatic Brut Soap on a Rope
Still in it's attractive display case.

ElectriSchick Fantasy
State-of-the-art in men's grooming, circa 1977.

Goat Cologne Fabulon
Fortunately, when I took these from the boxes in order to photograph them, it seemed they'd never been opened before. Nonetheless, I cannot resist taking this opportunity to say, "All my men wear English Leather ... or they wear nothing at all."
Does anyone know what the "Saxon Reaction" is?

High Stylin' Blow
This device pioneered the breakthrough technology that brought new heights to men's hair.

Inside the Thinking Man's Mind
What he reads when you're not watching.

* * *

People, this is what real marriage looks like.

The most terrifying thing about all of this is that the Goat saved every item except the Max for Men hair dryer (it no longer worked) and is threatening to use these items one day. Based on the odor that emanated from the Brut soap on a rope when we opened the clear green plastic case (we did not lather it up, but the stench filled the room nonetheless), I told him that if he ever employs it I will divorce him.

As a public service, I urge all of you to forward this post to every woman you know.


B.E. Earl said...

Looks like he needs to up his vanity cleaning schedule to at least once a decade. English Leather? Wow! I think my father used to have that. And I'm 42!

Erin O'Brien said...

Once a decade?

He moved that shit from his old house to our new house when we got married 16 years ago!

deangc said...

Haha. 1. I did the vanity cleaning thing a couple of years ago, only 8 years after Chris and I moved in together. I threw all that shit out. The only thing I kept was a badger-hair shaving brush because it's a badger hair shaving brush. Then at Christmas when I went looking for a little cologne (this tells you how often I wear cologne) I had thrown it all out.

2. That cologne pic takes me back. I used to run a drugstore back in the day (we're talking twenty+ years ago now) and we sold that English Leather and Brut and Pierre Cardin in that box with the red strip... I can still tell you what a loading bay smells like when some yahoo throws a case of that English Leather shit onto concrete and half the bottles break.
3. I used to have one of those hot-comb hair-dryer thingies. I threw it out about 20 years ago. You should have told the Goat that you would fix his hairdryer. I know you know a thing or two about electrical shit.

deangc said...


Damn, can't believe I didn't get that the first time. Goat has English Leather, Saxon, Brut, and Pierre Cardin, and no Old Spice?

Erin O'Brien said...

Oh god, here's the "kicker"

The Goat lamented the fact that his bottle of Hai-Karate had since passed on .... be careful how you use it

glittergirl said...

wow, i thought my husband was a pack rat. that's not a vanity, that's a time capsule from the late 70's!!! a very stinky time capsule.

reminds me of the first xmas gift i ever bought my dad. i was around 4 years old and picked out the brut soap on a rope and deodorant gift set. i just liked the shiny metallic bottle the deodorant came in.

years later i found the gift set under the sink. he'd saved it all those years. i opened it up and smelled it and it reeked. thank god he was sentimental about keeping it but never used that rank stuff.

ah.....memories..... :)

philbilly said...

I think the Saxon Reaction is covered in the Alexyss K. Tylor post.

Sujoy Bhattacharjee said...

That was hilarious...especially the reading habit part.
But at least things are interesting out here. There are lots of couples who get separated just because they are plain bored with each other. Do I hear someone say Madonna?

Amy said...

The Saxon Reaction is kill the indigenous people first, ask questions later.

Goat said...


I USED the Old Spice!!

Zen Wizard said...

"Saxon Reaction"?

Suicidally charge into the Roman legionaires' "flying wedge formation" in the Battle of Britain? That's all I can think of right now...

Erin O'Brien said...

You guys are tempting me to go dig out the paper from the Saxon cologne box and see what it says!

And GG: is there any doubt all of these were xmas gifts?

Hal said...

I was an English Leather man back in the day. The chix were like putty in me hands...

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

This is TOO funny - I love the "People this is what real marriage is" I LOL.

glittergirl said...

"ElectriSchick Fantasy"

this has been haunting me since i read the post yesterday. what the heck is it??? and the pink one seems to have some green stuff on it upon further inspection. who's fantasy is this?

also, i keep thinking it's an ElectriSchtick. he he he...

Erin O'Brien said...

Someone needs to do something about Hal.

This is real marriage, no?

GG: I am thinking I could have called that photo "Schicktopia" They are old, old, old, electric Schick razors!


Kirk Jusko said...

As an old Wallace/Wallenchsky fan from way back, I can tell you that while THE BOOK OF LIST#3 is all right, #1 is still the best of the series.

Goat said...


I KNEW there had to be another Book of Lists fan out there. I agree that Vol. # 1 is the best of the series and if found at a garage or library sale will be added to the collection.

Erin O'Brien said...

You guys are talking about some list book, but the photo has an almanac book. Which Vol #1 should I be looking for?

Get it right out there!

Kirk Jusko said...

Yeah, you're right, it does say The People's Almanac, doesn't it? I saw the names Irving Wallace and David Wallenchsky and must have assumed it was the Book of Lists, as I used to own #3 and still own a rapidly deteriotating #1 (I've tried keeping it in my freezer. Next: formaldahyde)

A brief history: Irving Wallace, author of such long forgotten best-sellers as The Chapman Report and The Word, and his son David collaborated on The People's Almanac, a book about 1000 times more provocitive than the World or Farmer's or any other kind of almanac (a lot in there about the sex lives of historical figures, I recall) Anyway, one chapter or section was devoted to lists (e.g. 10 dogs that bite the most). The authors got so much feedback from just that one section they spun it off as The People's Almanac: The Book of Lists. Again, there's a lot in there about the sex lives, neurosis, bad habits, etc, of historical figures. Think of it as the Encyclopedia Britannica as written by the editors of the National Enquirer.

I think you can find some old copies on