Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Riddle me this

Why is it that every Computer Guy rolls his eyes and says, Hey man, nothing's ever really gone from your hard drive. I don't care if you scrub that mother with Ajax. I can practically see your underwear from here, indicating he has some secret Computer Guy voodoo powder that he sprinkles on your machine in his filthy darkened backroom as he commences giggling and farting and perusing every password, dirty picture and embarrassing Google search that has ever graced your computer screen, but when you accidentally delete your entire life's work by pressing one button, the same Computer Guy shrugs his shoulders and says, Sorry man nothin' I can do about it. Shit's gone for good.

??

Methinks it is related to the dreaded Subtitle Phenomenon by which a foreign actor will talk, pause, huff and shout for ten minutes while using elaborate gestures and crying heartfelt tears and the subtitle says, Shit, which is on the screen for the entire rant, but when that actor raises an eyebrow and utters one rushed syllable, the subtitle is seven lines of complex text that is on the screen for the associated one and a half seconds.

19 comments:

Erin O'Brien said...

No, I did not delete my entire life's work, nor have I been watching foreign films. This is just what is on my mind at 3 a.m.

erf!

Geoff Schutt said...

Well, geez, I've been trying to read that seven lines of complex text for the past three hours. (Every one and a half seconds, I think I "almost" have it -- and then ....)

Must be a -- what day is this?

eviljwinter said...

First off, as a computer guy, horse shit. If you government format a drive (which requires special software), it's gone, baby, gone.

Second, when they say it's never really gone, let's put this in perspective.

When you format/repartition/delete everything, no, it's not really gone. But Windows and OSX and Linux all think it is. HOWEVER...

The reason Windows/OSX/Linux can find your data is that everything written to the disk is indexed and addressed so the operating system knows where to find things. When that part of the disk is erased (and it is really gone when it deleted), all that data becomes so much electronic goo. BUT...

For a mere $3000, people with really powerful microscopes will dismantle your drive and reconstruct all that electronic goo into meaningful files again.

So when the Geek Squad tech with the Mars-like acne gets smug and says, "Oh, it's never really gone," hand him a hard drive you just wiped and go, "Good. I've got porn on this. Recover it. I'll be back in the morning to pick it up."

Then watch him sweat.

I can't stand show offs.

Erin O'Brien said...

Winterman, you, I love.

But damn if I can understand what you just tried to tell me. And I replaced my own LCD, baby! MY LCD!

At least I got the last Geek Squad part ...

erf!!!

deangc said...

As someone who once painfully reconstructed a file (an excel file) by following block pointers on a DOS diskette, a 5 1/4 no less!, I can say that all claims that this shit is never gone are bull.

Basically, what Jim was saying is that the computer finds files on your HD by looking in an index. Deleting a file merely erases the index entry, and your stuff is still there until the computer reuses the space for something else. Some software can find those files and recreate the index entries. Windows delete marks the index entry as Deleted, which means it will show in the Recycle Bin until Windows decides it's too old and reuses the space.

All the babble doesn't have anything to do with the subtitle phenomenon. It has to do with any pencil-neck being able to assume a robe of authority merely because he's a fucking pencil-neck. Those who are pencilled of neck are smart in exactly the same proportion as the rest of the population, which is to say most of them, not very.

So don't take what a guy says just because he's a scrawny motherfucker with pimples and bad glasses. Odds are he's as dumb as the rest of the populace.

swine said...

i love these guys too, but...i just got that glazed look trying to decipher what winterman said.

Erin O'Brien said...

I am laughing like hell over this.

Here is the kernel from which this post sprouted: I have a buddy who does computer maintenance for a large religious group and he always tells me that the Most Majorist God Guys have the filthiest porn on their drives and that he finds it easily no matter how they try to delete it.

I believe him. I believe you guys. This is just funny to me.

Libby Spencer said...

The geekery leaves me comatose but I'm so with you on the post. This is exactly the sort of thing I wonder about at 3:00am...

eviljwinter said...

"Here is the kernel from which this post sprouted: I have a buddy who does computer maintenance for a large religious group and he always tells me that the Most Majorist God Guys have the filthiest porn on their drives and that he finds it easily no matter how they try to delete it."

Ah! To them, yes, he is trying to put the fear of God (or at least the FBI) in them. Get a hold of them hard drives and someone who can do all that voodoo to rebuild lost data and...

Find out where the magic happens!

"Reverend Jones! The donkey show in Tijuana! For shame! Any self-respecting man of the cloth stops with gay fisting porn!"

Anonymous said...

"...the Most Majorist God Guys have the filthiest porn on their drives and that he finds it easily no matter how they try to delete it."

Hey, that's just research! Now excuse me while I go back to the library.

swine said...

Aaah, research. That's what Pete Townsend was doing, right?

And winterman: the donkey show in TJ...now you're talkin' my language.

Erin O'Brien said...

A person always wonders how long it will take for the term "gay fisting porn" to show up on their website.

Guess now I know.

Zen Wizard said...

Maybe computer dorks and Language majors are trying to get revenge on the world for all the "wedgies" they got in junior high...

...can we really begrudge them that?

I mean, can we really expect them to abandon the pocket protectors, the short-sleeved shirts, and the Band-Aid-taped glasses and become like the Philosopher Kings of ancient Greece?

eviljwinter said...

For the record, I don't where glasses, and I've never owned a pocket protector.

Amy L. Hanna said...

Re the correlation in the post employing your Subtitle Phenomenon: that's one funny analogy!

***************

Re your Suze Orman poll: There's your answer.

Zen Wizard said...

Re: Is Suze Orman gay? controversy, not so much in itself, but:

"Would you like to get married to K.T.?" "Yes. Absolutely. Both of us have millions of dollars in our name. It’s killing me that upon my death, K.T. is going to lose 50 percent of everything I have to estate taxes. Or vice versa."

Hey financial genius I think you should hire a good estate attorney to form an offshore corporation or something. There has got to be a way around that...

deangc said...

WTF is all this Orman stuff now?

Kids... lawn... grump.

Anonymous said...

regarding suzie orman, you were not really giving us enough options..."who cares, she is still annoying" would be a good option

Whitenoise said...

-just experienced a version of this with the spouse's laptop (no, not gay-fisting porn)- she, the lady of no back-ups+ WindowsVista = uhoh...

I try to restore, no restore discs... still under warranty-take it back to the power-geeks. Powergeeks successfully rescue all of those built-in Windows sample photos but lose all documents and all email YET still have the nerve to charge $80 for the backup.