Friday, February 18, 2011

Sure, I'll take the $120K

Your humble hostess is full up with housewifely duties, hence an appropriate housewifely repost from 2008 with the original comments intact. Enjoy.

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According to this, stay-at-home moms are worth nearly $120,000 a year.

Really?

Dunno, but here's the real skinny on the stay-at-home thing:

This is the best gig around. Believe me--I know what I'm talking about. The other day, for instance, I screwed the Goat silly (what other job lets you do that on the clock?), then changed the sheets and pranced around the house in my undies while doing the laundry. I was laughing my head off the whole time.

The attire seemed so perfect that I got a cup of coffee and sat down at my computer. The morning light was streaming through the window and I turned around for some reason and saw that, at the right angle, my boob was perfectly outlined in shadow on the floor. Since my camera was on my desk, I took a picture of that.

Then I thought maybe I could come up with lyrics to "Boob Shadow" that could be sung along to the tune of Cat Steven's marshmallowy classic Moonshadow:


That was boring, but got me thinking music so I synced my iPod in preparation for a five mile walk, which I took while listening to music and Dan Savage. I didn't feel like cooking I asked the Goat to take me out to dinner. He did.

That's a typical day. Different days mean different stuff, but lunch is always totally effing great. Sometimes I have leftovers, which is fine, but usually I make myself a sandwich. I don't eff around, either. I'm talking mayo/lettuce/fresh lunch meat and chips on the side. I always cut the sandwich and pull the two halves apart so it looks attractive. I set a dill pickle on the side of the plate. I have a Diet Pepsi or better yet, a club soda with a slice of lime.

This shit totally rocks.

Sometimes I don't feel like doing anything and I just lie in the middle of the floor, blinking at the ceiling. Naps are good too. If it's hot, I nap in the front room on the leather couch, which feels cool. If it's cold, I make a nice pillow/blankie nest on the big couch in the family room. Sometimes I snore when I nap. Sometimes I diddle myself and then fall asleep.

So that's what it's really like. But hey, if someone wants to pay me $120K for this, I am totally down with it.

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22 comments:

Toby said...

You already have a sugar-daddy. ;-)

garrett said...

During my Summer of George (now playing), my shit is a lot like that too (and it does totally rock). Well, actually on further reflection, my shit isn't at all like the boob shadow part. I don't have much in the way of shadowcasting protuberances ...

So here's to you!

josh williams said...

Tea For the Tillerman was my first album. I am still impressed by the album, the very young Cat Stevens created so many classics and then disappeared because of faith.
I admit, I am not a member of any church but I do admire people of honest conviction in their faith. Not of course the radicals.
Cat Stevens(AKA Yusuf Islam) converted to the "I" word, Islam and has worked hard over the years to bring peace to everyone, including Christians,Buddhists, Masochists and the list goes on...
Even though I am allergic to Cat Dander, I still like the Cat mans music and his strong commitment and faith in his chosen religion.
I suspect the media is playing a large part in our problems, as did the empire when the sun did not set upon it, rumors and gossip are a huge problem,yet many people still wallow in it, despite the facts.
I go bed now. JW

swine said...

i could never understand why one has to be affiliated with any sort of movement or organized religion in order to work for peace or instill love in our lives. it seems those organized dogmas have historically done nothing but the opposite. the more conviction in religion these people show, the faster i run the other way. radicals or not. but this post isn't about that; sorry.

deangc said...

That is one impressive boob shadow.

Zen Wizard said...

I figured it out and your naps cost $13.74.

It would be cheaper to go to a really boring movie.

The Fool said...

Hi Smiley! Your Boob Shadow is very apropos considering the topic of our "shadow economy." Ivan Illich wrote a brilliant book on the topic quite a time back called "Shadow Work." He offered quite a few insights for consideration. Hope all's well with you and yours.

;)

Mongrel Porksword said...

You should see the shadow I cast.

Can I pay you in trade?

Erin O'Brien said...

Dean--thank god someone noticed the boob. I was getting nervous!

Great to see old buddies fool and garret and toby! and it's always great to SEE you pork.

Hi zen and josh and swine.

Carol said...

not only did i NOTICE the boob. . .i pondered it. . . nice boob erin!

Amy L. Hanna said...

I have to ask - lump sum, or installments?

Erin O'Brien said...

yay Carol! Girl-on-girl boob admiration.

To be honest, Amy, I'd take $15 a week and not complain one peep.

THE MERKIN MAN said...

very pert.

Bill said...

How about $89k to teach school in WI?

Bill said...

very artistic shot of natural light showing outline of natural breast.

Erin O'Brien said...

Everyone please note that Bill thought about money/politics before he thought about boobs.

Bill said...

Erin: Would you believe that I actually thought about someone thinking that? Jesus Christ! You're worse than my wife.

Senor Kaboom said...

Confession: didn't finish reading the article before looking for the boob pic. You win this time, inner twelve-year-old!

Leslie Morgan said...

I find myself wondering if I can't cast quite the shadow you do, would I be worth less than $120,000?

Erin O'Brien said...

Leslie, I'm pretty sure that you'd warrant that and then some. Quality over quantity, my good woman!

Leslie Morgan said...

What a relief! I'm booking a vacation!

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

Sometimes I diddle myself and then fall asleep.

*sniff* It's so touching. It's like you've visited my house. ;)