Sunday, June 15, 2008

Is it just me?

Is it normal to want to want to procure a firearm and walk down the street with it, blowing every traffic light to pieces?

Is it bad when you want a drink at 8:30 a.m.?

Does anybody else ever want to stand on a public mailbox and scream "You asshole!" at the top of their lungs for no particular reason?

I want to throw out all my underwear, eat four garlic pizzas and drink a lot of really cold shitty beer.

I use the word "imbue" too much.

I don't care about that candy-ass designer coffee.

I like Pez dispensers, but I don't like Pez candy.


Why don't the people who protest the killing of deer protest Wal-Mart for selling rat poison?

Why can't I go topless in the summer?

I have a cavity in nearly every tooth in my head.

Hello. This post is done.


Trée said...

Yes, I think so.

Divana said...

You have a cavity in nearly every tooth in your head yet you don't eat pez candy?

You should be a case study!


Divana said...

Oh, and I just got confrimation, no, it's not just you...

But maybe it's just us...?

swine said...

it's monday.
for me.
at least...i read this on monday early morning.
it embodies everything i feel at 6:40 am.
this comment is done.

james2285 said...

I think you should be alowed to go topless prance around and cast as many shadows as you wish Erin. Although that would probably bring traffic around the greater Cleavlend area to grid lock with people coming to ogle and wank on your front lawn. Would that be good fertilizer?

deangc said...

Why can't I go topless in the summer?
Oh, you can. In BC it is legal for a woman to go topless anywhere a man can. It isn't commonly done, but it is legal.

So come on up. I will fully support your decision to go topless.

Velvet Fog said...

From what I see, you are going topless.


Jarvis Rockhall said...

About the coffee; I once went into a Starbucks in Boston and asked for an Espresso, and I was given this huge bucket of milky coffee. The dudes had totally missed the point! Espresso is the coffee equivalent of vodka shots, or at least that's how it was in Italy.

I totally agree about the Pez; brilliant idea, shoddy execution.
Blame the Austrians.

Anonymous said...

Here where I work there is a coffee stand. Every time I go down there, there is a line of folks ordering some fru-fru drink. It goes something like this:

"Uhh, I'll take a triple grande caramel machiatto, with a double shot, and ... uhh ... could you pass that through a centrifuge, mix it in a dirty ash tray, and filter it through a used jockstrap?"

It generally takes the one person working behind the counter an average of 2 1/2 minutes to make this crap, which doesn't even remotely resemble coffee. It takes 10 seconds to pour a medium cup of coffee (none of that grande, venti crap for me, thanks). In the time it takes to make one of these fake coffee drinks, the server could pour about 12-18 cups of real coffee.

Personally, I think there should be someone standing up near the front of the line who will forcibly remove folks who order things like this. It would make the world much better. Just sayin'.

The Retired Army Guy

Zen Wizard said...

Don't light a match next to all those MindFarts!

Ken Houghton said...

1) Yes. Waste of ammunition. Use rocks.

2) No.

3) No; they're curved surfaces.

4) You'll need the underwear. Or is this an alternative colonoscopy-prep?

5) Possibly.

6) Flavored coffee is for people who can't take reality.

7) Yes!

8) See (4) above.

9) WMT isn't an exclusive rat poison dealer.

10) Please do. And post video.

11) Sorry to hear that. But be happy that you still have teeth.

josh williams said...

A tourette's post, cool.

fiveandfour said...

In a Smithsonian article on coffee growers, one of the S. American growers had a comment along these lines regarding the frou-frou coffee vendors like Starbucks: "They don't sell coffee, they sell milk."

And I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking with fondness of my liquor cabinet first thing in the morning. Some days the bars just can't open early enough.

DogsDontPurr said...

I'd love to join you in eating 4 big garlic pizzas and drinking gallons of cheap ass beer, but unfortunately that usually has the effect of making the next day even suckier than the sucky day was in the first place.

But, hey....let's go topless!

Erin O'Brien said...

This is the topless tourrette's coffee drunk brain fart post.

With pizza and tons of cool peeps!

This comment has been removed by the author.
Doug said...

Andy Rooney on crack, Erin?


deleted my mimosa drunk brain fart comment from yesterday. (i gave away some news on your blog before telling my own mom!)

see what a bad influence you are on me? next thing ya know, i'll be drinking clamato!

Mongrel Porksword said...

I usually run around bottomless.

John Ettorre said...

I fully support your right to go topless in my back yard the next time you come over for a visit.