Sunday, May 18, 2008

Recession post vol. four: the three-point shower

1. Activate shower, adjusting water to a moderate temperature.

2. Using a dependable bar of deodorant soap, vigorously lather the three areas indicated in the above graphic, contorting body/limbs as needed.

3. Rinse.

4. De-activate shower.

5. Dry.

Estimated time: Two minutes. Add face splashing/foot washing as needed. An excellent preparation for "quickie" conjugal visitations.


shaina said...

um, ok, but what about my hair??? ew.

at one of the places i went to camp they were big on saving water, so each shower had a shutoff valve on the head. so while you lather, you turn the water off, so it's only to get you initially wet and to rinse. i think that's good enough :-)

Bluegrass Geek said...

That sounds a lot more comfortable than the "submarine shower" an ex-Navy co-worker described to me.

1) Pull chain to activate (cold) water long enough to get wet. Release.

2) Lather body and hair.

3) Pull chain to rinse (again, with cold water).


Ken Houghton said...

Bluegrass Geek - I had always thought everyone used that method normally.

Erin - You need to make a meta-Recession-techniques post or sub-blog (and not just because I want to link to it for a post at MU).

DogsDontPurr said...

No no no!!! We don't scrimp on the sheets, and we don't scrimp on the bathing. Must have luxury bathing products and a full bath. No exceptions!!!! Erf!

Erin O'Brien said...

As your humble hostess, I've got to admit that I do not employ the three-point recession shower on every occasion. It is the scaled down version of the Economy Shower, which is the scaled down version of the Standard Shower, which is the scaled down version of the Deluxe Shower, which is the scaled down version of the Luxury Shower.

I don't take a Luxury Shower too often.

There is also a sub-Recession one-point shower, but I only use that method when there is very, very little time for a conjugal visit and I want to spend it employing my corporeal self instead of washing it.

Carry on.

DogsDontPurr said...

Dude...we would not be in a recession if everyone would just take a Luxury Shower! We'd probably have World Peace too.

Meagan said...

You don't have to do the hair because after three days or so your scalp gets used to not being cleaned and produces less oil. So it actually starts to look LESS oily. Which does not in any way keep it from smelling like it hasn't been washed in a week.

Nice meeting you at Neal's party yesterday Erin.

swine said...

you all shower?

Jon Konrath said...

My three point showers take like 25 minutes, but I might be spending too much time vigorously lathering one of the three points.

Norm said...

This is too much like work.
Except for the quickies.

Anonymous said...

The Desert Shield/Storm Shower, version 1:

1. Walk to outdoor shower, constructed of wood, a shipping pallet, and a square, metal tank above with a showerhead and a turn on/off valve. Don't wear shower shoes - you'll only end up with sand in them. Boots are better. Wear PT uniform, and take weapon with you as well as protective mask (gas mask).

2. Get in shower. Close door. Strip down, hanging clothes, weapon, and mask on hook inside said shower.

3. Turn on showerhead. Get wet. Shut down cold water. Lather up as fast as is humanly possible. Rinse off as fast as is humanly possible (especially in the winter). Dry off as fast as you can and put clothes back on. Secure weapon, mask, towel, toiletry articles, and return to unit area.

The Desert Shield/Storm Shower, Version 2:

1. This applies to those in Bradley Infantry Fighting Vehicle equipped units, utilizing the M2A1 Bradley.

2. Tell driver to lower the trim vane on front of vehicle (used to allow the vehicle to "swim" small bodies of water, as well as serving as a work surface for the engine).

3. Climb onto trim vane, wearing PT shorts if possible. If not, strip off uniform.

4. Have driver pour water over you. Lather up. Have driver pour more water over you to rinse. Dry off. Put uniform back on. Get dirty again during the next hour when the next sandstorm comes through.

Desert Shield/Storm Shower, Version 3:

1. Don't shower for six weeks. Take "whore's baths" when possible. Smell really bad, and have green "cheese" growing under your toes.

2. That's it.

The Retired Army Guy