Friday, October 26, 2007


I love men's chests. I love them and love them and love them. I love the hair and the nipples. I love the landscape of their stomachs. I love their armpits and backs. Men's chests are so erotic to me that I can't understand why men can drive me crazy walking around shirtless. Who decided that men's chests are not too sexual for public display but women's are?


The Goat's chest is the most perfect manchest imaginable. And believe me, I put it to good use. It would be entirely inappropriate to detail all the ways I interact with the Goat's chest herein. But whenever he walks through the kitchen shirtless, I get a goofy smile on my face, drop the spatula in the batter, and approach him with fingers splayed and I put my hands on his chest.

It is beautiful ironic and funny to me that I can feel up the Goat's naked chest in public 24 hours a day and it's okay, but men aren't allowed to play with boobies like that.

Tee-hee! No public boobies for you!

Of course I stare endlessly at chests of other men whenever I can.

This is why every woman in the world wanted to screw Burt Reynolds in 1972, although I'm sure Reynolds could round up his share of randy dandies today. I've heard shitty things about Burt Reynolds, but his affair with Dinah Shore and the Lewis character in Deliverance make up for alot.

Goddamn I love men's chests.

Holy hell, look at Mike Rowe. Now, I wrote this column tongue in cheek, but I've told the Goat that if Rowe shows up here and wants me to sit on his chest, it's pretty much a done deal. For some reason, the Goat did not express concern. Hm.

This guy's chest is a real hall-of-famer. The picture doesn't do the Survivorman Les Stroud any justice, but it was the best I could find. Although we do get to see that nice man-crease that points a lovely vee to the Promised Land.

Now I am so happy I'm going to bake cupcakes!


deangc said...

I think I need to buy one of those '70s chest-rugs.

Erin O'Brien said...

Here is a sales brochure pic of the chair me and the Goat are in. I call it the human dog bed. You can fit three or four people in there and not even worry if they spill a drink cause it's covered with some way-tough fabric.


Hope Dangling said...

awe!!! you two look AWESOME on that couch. i love it.

Steve said...

I can't say much about the men's chests, but you look great.

shaina said...

a) i want that chair
b) I want that chair
c) i got a corset. it's the hottest thing ever. it's red.
d) i am now 20 years old
e) when it's nice out, the cross-country guys go running through campus shirtless. it's always a tough decision whether to stare more at their fronts (mmm, yummy runner's build) or their backs (mmm back muscles and hard tushies!)
f) you and the goat are adorable.

Chris said...

I'm with you on the irresistible appeal of chests, but I go back and forth on the hair/no hair issue. What really kills me, though, is a pair broad, muscular shoulders.

Phil Plait said...

1) Mike Rowe is an acquaintance of my sister's. He used to sing in the Baltimore opera!

2) My own chest is mostly hairless and blindingly high in albedo, but if you wanna see it, stay tuned to my blog come this Halloween. That's all I'm gonna say about *that*.

Leslie said...

Being the lez that I am, perhaps I shouldn't comment, but I love men's chests too. Masculine, muscular, a work of art. But I have a hair issue.

Fuzzy, furry, hairy..give me shave cream and a razor.

This, of course, applies to women, too.


Hal said...

deangc, leslie:

I am Burt Reynolds x 100.

About 90% of my chest is covered in fur.

So is my back & shoulders.

I am a throw rug.

I am saving money to have it removed permanently. It won't be cheap, but if I never hear someone call me Chewy again, it'll be worth it.

Amy said...

I think the first photo should be your Christmas card!

Nin Andrews said...

Yes, good idea. I like the last one two. I think we should all pose nude and have magical leaves appear from heaven to cover us, just so!

Doug said...

Here ya go, Sweetpea. Woody Strode.

I wish I could find a bigger one for you, but it's the best I could do.

Charles Lambert said...

I once wrote a story that begins with a paean to the male nipple. I feel you should read it.

Loops O'Fury said...


Amy L. Hanna said...

Yeah ... where DO I get a cool chair like that?? LOL

Sexy pic of both of you, by the way.