Friday, September 14, 2007


If it's not bad enough waiting in a medical exam room, there's always the informational posters on the wall. The one in today's graphic was titled, "The Digestive System."

Pyloric sphincter?

I would have been perfectly happy believing Pyloric was a flooring manufacturer for the rest of my life.

Say Pyloric and You've Said Quality!

And what the eff is the Wall of Jejunum? Sounds like a God Squad thing.

And unto them was delivered a map and the map they did read and the map they did follow and before them did rise the Wall of Jejunum and they did raise their hands to The Heavens and they did weep before the Glory of His Divine Direction.


I was relieved when my eyes fell upon "tongue." Even "mandible" was comforting. But "inferior mesenteric artery?" As if I don't have enough self-esteem issues as it is. Now I've got inferior arteries--not the news you want to get right after the nurse sniffs at the numbers on the weight scale, marks on her clipboard and says "Just think of it as your IQ, honey."

Will do!

Common Bile Duct (That's right, all you common bile are over there in the nosebleed seats with the inferior arteries), major and minor duodenal papilla. Mucosa, haustra.

The special this evening is a poached salmon with warm spinach and currents finished with a lovely haustra reduction.

Buncha lousy tubes. I wonder if the superior mesenteric artery makes fun of the common hepatic duct. Or if the ileum is a botanical genus.

People say that if a smoker could see the damage the smoke is causing, they'd quit in a minute. But their lungs are hidden away inside. After sitting next to this thing in a paper gown for a half hour, I don't think I'll purchase another meat item that boasts a "natural casing" for as long as I live.


Dan said...

I bet Erin O'Brien has a damn sexy duodenum. It's probably the kind of duodenum that belongs on a swimsuit calendar.

Unfortunately, you neglected the Accessory Pancreatic Duct. And, if you don't know how to accessorize, you'll never make it in this town, dahling.

~d said...

*I love coming here because I never know what (useful) info I will leave with!

Doug said...

You need a vacation. Come sail away with me to the Islets of Langerhans.

Cappy said...

Mrs. Justice Christine McMonagle is the Pyloric Sphincter.

Dean said...

"Just think of it as your IQ, honey."

Would that it were true. I'd be one bright boy.

Dean said...

Oh, and O'Brien in a paper gown: grrrr.

Trée said...

Erin, one of a kind, in a good way, you are. :-)

Free fer all Paul said...

That picture kinda made me hungry.

PDD said...

Erin! I posted!

Shit, it's been so long that I forgot my damn password! Lately I have been watching your video blogs a lot - the sad chronicles. I'm waiting for a new one!

The internet is a very bad habit!

Love you, and now, thanks to this post, I am finally thinking of quiting smoking. But the more I think about quiting the more I want to have a cigarette. I'm going out for one now.


Thomas said...

What's even more scary is what many of those anatomical terms mean if translated from their Latin and Greek roots.

My favorite is the Foramen Magnum, which is the portal in the base of the skull through which the spinal cord passes as it meets the lower brain.

Foramen Magnum most closely translates as "Big Hole." What lovely, precise terminology these doctors have.