Monday, April 16, 2007

Airline hostess--Updated

To hell with the term Flight Attendant. I liked Stewardess or better yet Airline Hostess. In the books, James Bond used to say that he wanted to marry an Airline Hostess, that she would always be attractive, that she would cheerfully fluff pillows and fetch scotch.

To hell with the scotch. I just want the outfit. I want the boots and the snazzy dress. I want the little cap. If I had that outfit, the pilot would SO want to bed me.

I would be popular with the other hostesses. We would chat with in the galley. We'd talk about jet lag and our cool boots and doing the pilot. We would talk about the obnoxious passengers and James Bond.

And when we were sure no one else was listening (not that we wouldn't be sure of the same thing when we were talking about the other stuff), me and the other Airline Hostesses would talk about chick stuff like sanitary napkins and the best cheap pantyhose.

*The esteemed artist has informed me that the face of our lovely hostess is actually that of Mark Felt, AKA "Deep Throat" of Watergate fame. Fabulous!


A lone diamond in the sky.
Breath pushes against world. World tumbles through space.
The feeling of falling, an open wound.


sxKitten said...

At first glance, I thought the title was 'Alien Hostess', which kind of worked with the photo.

You would make an awesome Airline Hostess, and I would do my best to make sure I only took flights you were working (assuming I actually had a reason to go anywhere, and a passport so your government wouldn't assume I was a terrorist and subject me to cavity searches instead of letting me bask in the glow of your devoted hostessly attention).

Hal said...

It's mile high club time.

~d said...

I am so not going to lie to you! I was 19, 20 and this chick I knew and I ummm, filled out apps for Eastern airlines. One of us (coff-coff)was under the height limit. The other went on to fly with United. Bleh.

state of grace said...

Hi Erin!

It's Zen from Company of Women. I love the blog (especially the Brenner picture ;) I wanted to remind you to visit the 37 Days blog (there's a link to it on my blog) as well as to check out Collected Stories by Donald Margulies.

Thanks for the wonderful class!

Anonymous said...

I worked as a flight attendant after college, and we never got to wear anything that cool. It was men's suits for us. We also were not permitted to refer to ourselves as "stewardesses" or to the flight deck as the "cock pit," as it all went against Continental's sense of professionalism.

CheekierMeSly said...

You can still dress up in the boots. You'd be prime as the chair of your own Queens chapter, as in Jill Connor Brown's Sweet Potato Queens. If ya haven't heard of 'em - they decided they wanted to dress up n'stuff like the parade queens, with the fancy boots and the sparkly tiaras and sequined gowns. I'm a member of the Beer Garden Queens along with three Canuckians - chapter founded at a Molson Indy event in Toronto.

Your post reminds me of Hollis Gillespie, an ex flight hostess turned writer here in Atlanta. I s'pose you could always do it the other way 'round!

Norm said...

"I'm Erin, fly me!"

Why yes.

Yes. Yes indeed.

Corn Dog said...

The face on that person looks like a photo age of George Bush.

My last trip back to Tennessee...
I sit in the back of the plane because that location has the highest survival rate. The people that sat next to me were a mother, grandmother and "lap child." Yep, that's what they call the kids when they are 18 months and under and sit on a parent's lap for the 4 hours and 10 minute non-stop flight from Oakland to Nashville. We take off in Oakland and are screaming into the air the stewardess comes swooping over to the Mom and asks pointedly, "Is that lap child 18 months or younger? Because if she's not, that's a MAAAAAAAAAAAAJOR FAA violation."

Let that be a lesson for your possible stewardessing...babies can and premeditatedly be MAAAAAAAAJOR FAA violations. Please say that with a Southern accent too.

Carla said...

Now who wouldn't want to have a little number like that? The outfit! The outfit!

Grandpa Hal said...

You know, the more I look at that picture, the more I could get into granny porn.

whitenoise said...

Sadly, the glamour left the industry several years ago.


Well, every airline has a different culture. Ours- we still have many older ladies who remember the 'coffee, tea or me' days, but they look like the granny in your picture only plus another 40 or 50 pounds. They are literally grandmothers.

We also have waaaaay too many gay men. (Nothing against that, would just prefer to look at something else.)

Then we have the "new" generation... For some reason we've hired thousands of people with university educations.

Although the conversations are better, these people forget that they're performing unskilled labour and a simple request for a beverage seems to create major resentment.

At my airline, they've actually launched a pay equity case trying to obtain the same pay rates as First Officers (copilots).

Believe. It. Or. Not.

Erin O'Brien said...

sxk: I'm waiting for the day when my IUD sets off a security alarm and some Homeland Security Boy Wonder is sent into investigate. Also, I love the idea of "Alien Hostess."

Hal: Do people really do that?

~d: I am so under the height limit it's not funny. But hey, we got boobs!

Zen/Grace: Thanks for the links and will check you out. Don't spend too much time with Yul! Great weekend ...

Anon: Cockpit is such a great term. I think it shall be my word of the day!

Cheeks: Love both Jill and Hollie. And yes, I do believe I'm quite well suited to the Sweet Potato Queens.

Norm: Earning my wings, baby.

Corn: Charming little lass, she was, aye? I don't miss flying. I don't miss it at all.

Carla: The booties are what makes it. The booties, I tell you!

Gramps: A disturbing admission for so many reasons, yet, oddly endearing.

Erin O'Brien said...

Oops, sorry whitenoise!

I agree that there is no more glamour in flying. I always prefer driving. I'm a perfect self-hostess. I get my own Chex Mix and pop my own Diet Pepsi.

Anonymous said...

Erin, you could be my road trip hostess! I'd love it if you popped my Diet Pepsi!


~d said...

Erin, amen sister! Boobs! WOO!

josh williams said...

That dame has some nice gams on her.

Valyna said...

I love the piece at the end :) Beautiful words.

Erin O'Brien said...

Dogs: to pop your diet pepsi would be the highest of honors oh great goddess of non-purring dogs.

~d: boobs, bubbles and popped diet pepsis, sister!

JW: She does. I'll bet she can really make with the leg lifts.

Valyna: Wow. Someone finally noticed the appearance of secret erin. Thanks.

John L Sheppard said...

She don't wear no pants and she don't wear no tie
Always on the ball, she's always on strike
Struttin' up the aisle, big deal, you get to fly
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky

Paid my fare, don't wanna complain
You get to me, you're always outta champagne
Treat me like a bum, don't wear no tie
'cause you ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky

And the sign says, "Thank you very much for not smoking"
My own sign says, "I'm sorry, I'm smokin'"
Don't treat me special, don't kiss my ass
Treat me like the way they treat 'em up in first class

Sanitation expert and a maintenance engineer
Garbage man, a janitor and you my dear
A real union flight attendant, my oh my
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky