Monday, October 16, 2006


"Want another beer?" says my associate.

"Sure," I say, "I'll have another beer." We are sitting at my kitchen table. The conversation lulls. We sip our beer.

"That the kid's Chia Pet?" asks my associate.

"Yeah," I say. "That's a Chia Pet." We both look at the Chia Pet.

"Grows pretty good," says my associate.

"Yeah," I say. "Just like they show on t.v."


"Kinda dumb," I say. "A dumb cat Chia Pet."

"It is kinda dumb."

"They should do something better," I say."

"Yeah?" says my associate.

"Yeah," I say. I look at my associate. She looks at me. "Like a Chia Dick," I say deliberately.

"Chia Dick," she says. "I like it." We both nod slowly.

"Could be a huge wanker," I say.

"And you could put the seeds on the balls," she says.

"And it would grow hairy balls!" I say.

"Yeah!" she says.

We laugh and burp and drink our beers with gleeful satisfaction. Our guffaws subside.

"Hey," I say, "why not a Chia Chick, too?"

"Why not!" says my associate.

"But not just a zorch," I say. " A whole torso. Sort of like that Venus de Milo chick. That way, she could grow hair under her arms too!"

"Brilliant! Hairy armpits!"


"Ha ha!"

The Chia Pet stares back at us unamused.

"Dumb Chia Pet," I say.

"Want another beer?" says my associate.

"Sure," I say, "I'll have another beer."


DykesDog said...

LOL, which intoxicated person would have to shave the Chia Pet?!

Jim Winter said...

And now you know why I don't drink Stroh's.

Denny Shane said...

wow! what a fun time. Wish I was there! ;)

Elisson said...


I gotta add that one to my list...

Norm said...

Um, yeah. Zorch?

Dean said...

Chia Hippy Chick.

I sense a Gonzo Marketing Opportunity.

sleepydog said...

Crap, even the Chia pet looks better naked than me.

Anonymous said...

How about a chia butt?

wwwriter said...

Hey, about a Chia soup can for Denny? He could open the can and add the sprouts to the creamy contents...yum-yum.


Toby said...

My brother made a Chia Jimmy Hendrix back in the day.

Denny Shane said...

carter, please DON'T give her any ideas. She comes up with more than enough to irritate me already. :)

The MERKIN MAN said...

Why can't you be my neighbor?

Baron Ectar said...

LMAO, I need to drink with you!

Erin O'Brien said...

DDog: Shaving Chia Pets. That's like a new fetish or something.

Winter: You are still from Cleveland, so you might not drink Stroh's, but you understand the heart of a Stroh's drinker.

Denny: I stroked the soup can in your honor.

Elisson: I am so proud that I can offer you this addition, and that you didn't already have it listed.

Norm: Yeah. Zorch.

Dean: She would be a hippy chick!

SleepyDog: The Chia Pet does not look better than you naked. Plus, it cannot sing.

Bostick: The hairy Chia Ass. AssChiat. Excellent suggestion!

Carter: Denny comes over here all the time in the middle of the night and takes all the soup cans. I can't do a thing with him.

Toby: Was the lil' Hendrix nekkid? Anatomically correct?

Denny: You. Just. Wait.

Merkin: And we were just warming up.

Baron: You do need to drink with us!

Jim Winter said...

"You are still from Cleveland, so you might not drink Stroh's, but you understand the heart of a Stroh's drinker."

O'Brien, you know me better than I know myself.

Of course, mom always got after me for knowing myself too much and...


Prank caller! Prank caller!

wwwriter said...

You effers ARE so-o cool.
BTW, loved your last column, E. Keep up the good work.

~d said...


I think I have had the SMAE converstaion!

~d heart Erin

FLAMINGO1 said...

Strohs is crap. Give me a tall boy of Old Milwaukee any day.

Erin O'Brien said...

Winter: Wash your hands this very instant, young man!

carter: We have a minimum cool standard here. If you're not cool enough, baby, you're out. You are so not out. You are so cool.

~d: Dumb Chia Pets. Shit drives me effing crazy.

Flam: What we used to call "Old Swill." Drank it by the case in college. Yum!

Toby said...

It was a bust.

Anonymous said...

chia nose and ear hair....for the older folks

Tim, "trying to pull that hair out of his ear today"

Brookelina said...

We could just rename this "Chia Pussy" and call it a day.