Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Light of the heavens delivered unto me

When you are a writer, you spend an inordinate amount of time staring at a blinking cursor wondering why you are such an asshole.

"Self, why are you such an asshole?" you say to the computer screen, which does not respond, but simply stares back at you indifferently.

You wonder if anyone, anywhere is receiving your transmission.

"Hello?"

At some point, resident deities look down at you and roll their eyes in pity.

"Would you take a look at this poor effer?" says one resident deity.

"Who can effing stand it?" says another.

"Should we?" says the first.

"Yeah," says the second, opening his shimmering box of magic powder. He sprinkles it here. He sprinkles it there.

***sprinkle***sprinkle***sprinkle.***

And then delivered unto me is *this* and with slackened jaw, I bask in the light of brilliance.

And if that is not enough, from deep within the glistening ether materializes *Vince* leaving this amidst the holy comments on my celestial crab claws.

"I hope this is an appropriate enough place to intrude upon you my personal thoughts, but I am compelled to disclose to you that I read Harvey & Eck from beginning to end with the same eagerness and enthusiasm as your characters must have. And I saw within my self, both Eck and the Hub--and Harvey too. I must admit, that as I read, I remained skeptical that the next pages would not satisfy me. And even as I approached the conclusion, I told myself I would have to mentally re-write the ending to meet my needs. I dare say, I even found myself fearing the neglect of a certain significant object. One I won’t give away out of courtesy for others who have not read your novel yet. But I was wrong on all accounts--and gleefully so.

After I finished the novel, I noticed the words “Women’s Fiction” on the back cover for the first time. But to me, this was a brilliant work of “Men’s Fiction” in more ways than one. A smashing read. A novel that I would feel dignified to have accompany me into any coffee shop despite it’s—how shall I say this?—less conventional cover. Smashing, indeed!"

(Hey, uh, Vince? Um … appropriate? I would have this tattooed on my ass, have said ass photographed and then happily allow the resulting pic to be published on the front page of my local paper under the headline "Erin O'Brien's Tattooed Ass" without so much as one breath of hesitation.)

And, then, dear reader, as joyous tears stream from mine eyes, as I tumble in the glory of it, weeping and clutching the sweet fragrant soil of the earth thinking there is not one more thing--not so much as one more thing that could be gifted upon me, then, oh then dear reader, an angelic voice rains down upon me and there is *this*

Word.

13 comments:

Vince said...

erin—While reading "Bridges of Madison County", I envisioned Clint Eastwood and Maryl Streep as the characters, and I told all my friends well before the movie came out. I had a similar vision with Harvey & Eck, except with Ralph Finness and Hilary Duff. So who’s writing your screen play?

Hope Dangling said...

this is so EFFING awesome sister!!!!! yay!!!!! rain rain rain!!!! (you rock, rock)

zanytwo said...

funny I asked the same question about the screenplay.....I think vince and I have something here. Erin ROCKS!!

Toby said...

All I can muster is, Good on Ya, Erin. I'd love an autograped copy, but you will sign it later. I'm off to Amazon.

Toby said...

Amazon loves me. I went there to spend $10 and ended up dropping $50.

PDD said...

I am writing the screenplay. Erin just doesn't know it yet...

Ralph Fiennes YAY! As far as hillary duff is concerned... it would have made more sense if you suggested Anna Nicole Smith, Vince, or perhaps even yourself.

EVERYONE BUY HARVEY AND ECK SO THAT ERIN CAN WORK ON HER NEXT NOVEL IN PEACE.

Thank You,

Pdd

Vince said...

psychic--you got skills! I must admit Drew Berrymoore was my first choice...Damn! I can't wait to see this movie!

babyjewels said...

You totally rock, lady.

Toby said...

Child poetry plagiarist unmasked

Tue Mar 28, 10:06 AM ET

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - The 10-year-old winner of a children's poetry competition had to hand back her prize money after newspaper readers noticed that her poem was the work of a well known writer.

"It's a mini drama for her. She did not realize it had been written by someone else," a member of the competition jury said Tuesday. "It started as a school project and was followed by many events ... probably she just forgot."

The parents of primary school pupil Fieke agreed to give back the 125 euro ($150) prize and the jury admitted it should have recognized the work of children's author Francine Oomen earlier.

Erin O'Brien said...

Vince, I wrote a screenplay ... need to do do something with that, don't I?

HD: may the drought stay far away.

Zany: I'm doing something. Rocking? Maybe.

Toby, baby, thanks.

PDD: Hope yours is better than mine.

babyjewels, I love that name.

Toby, aw, don't rat me out, baby!

Toby said...

I though you were a 29 y/o writer in Ohio???

Anonymous said...

I dont know who this erin person is, but she is beautiful.

kellywalters said...

only cause we love you babe