My two favorite tee-shirts:
1) On a gay woman with whom I went to college: "Whip me, beat me, call me trash. Fuck me like the dirty pig that I am. Cum all over my face, tell me you love me then get the fuck out."
2) On a 400 pound man who used to frequent one of my favorite drinking establishments: "If God had not intended man to eat pussy, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco."