Wednesday, November 30, 2005


"How many?" says my husband as he extracts the turkey carcass from the fridge.

"How many what?" I pull a thread of meat from the battered bird.

"Guys?" he says.

"Haven't we had this conversation before?" I say, chewing. "I'll never tell."

"But it's our anniversary," he says. "It was over 13 years ago. It's ancient history."

"Exactly," I say, "that's the beauty of marriage. You know precisely who you're going to bed with next and there's no need to worry about this miscellany." I drop a wing bone into a giant black pot. "And why are we talking about this? It doesn't matter. You were mine from the day you first tasted my turkey bone soup."

"Aren't you curious about my history?" he says.

"What the hell do I care?" I say. "I washed you off first."

"How many?" he asks again. "Before we were married. Come on. Tell me how many."

"No," I say, rinsing off the wishbone.


"Okay, fine," I say. "More than one and less than one hundred." I offer up the wishbone, a challenge.

"All right then," he says, grasping his end of the bone betwixt thumb and forefinger, "there was me, that's one." The tiny bone snaps and my betrothed scores an uncharacteristic win. "So who was the other guy?"


HighMaintenanceHussy said...


Men think they want to know, but they really don't. It's part of their charm.

Dongley Shlongford said...

Charm is a warm map of Hawaii.

KristieD said...

I usually think you should keep things like that to a minimum when it comes to the details. Of course, my boyfriend and I know each other's whole histories...and neither of us care, the way we look at it: thats part of my past and thats what makes us who we are today. Of course when we traded stories, we didnt plan on dating...especially not that we would be together 6 1/2 years later with a young son. :) I think we were just trying to be friends (and maybe we were trying to score, but that was it... )



Shelli said...

Shouldn't he be more concerned with how many since you were married? Not saying that there have been, I am just saying.

PDD said...

Always trim a few at the top of the list and a few at the bottom. That always works.

Erin O'Brien said...


I like the way you think.

MsAmber said...

There were none before you that I can remember.
(my husband knows I have a selective memory)


PDD said...

Diddo, Erin.

Karen Rani said...

Enough to make me a lady in front of your parents, and a whore in your bed.

Dorothy said...

LOL! My significant other told me that he had been with 200 women before me. It scares me to think that might be true.

FLAMINGO1 said...

Ignorance is bliss and I am the most blissful man on the planet.

I like mama's whore response.

PDD said...

Blissfully yours,

Psychic Dumb-Dumb