To hell with Weiner, give me Joe Namath in pantyhose

Prior to the Twitter kerfuffle, I knew nothing of Anthony Weiner and I'm not interested in him now. All kinds of people have been having all kinds of sex for a long time. So what?

That said, it's funny how the blood red rightie blogs out there are clamoring on and on about Weiner, but had little to say about that Nevada dandy, John Ensign.

When it comes to sex scandals, I stick to one of my cardinal rules: The Only Sex You Need To Worry About Is The Sex You're Having.

I am not completely mum on sex scandals. I wrote about Senator Larry Craig when that scandal broke. In fact, I wrote about him twice.

John Edwards also got my attention.

Yeah, yeah. This stuff has been going on forever. The righties can have their fun over some silly underwear pic. I'd rather dig Joe Namath in pantyhose in 1973. HELL YEAH!

Visions of cubic magnetics dancing in my head

When you disassemble a Rubik's cube, you quickly learn that the brilliance of the puzzle has little to do with the colorful square stickers on its exterior. The brilliance of a Rubik's cube is in it's composition.

Whenever a person with mechanical vision takes apart a Rubik's cube for the first time, they say, holy shit! or something to that effect because it defies description. It's sort of like a sectional rotating sphere, but without any conventional mechanical means. There's no ball bearings. It is a non-mechanical mechanical device. Having grown up the daughter of a machinist, I understand this as something so so rare and simple and inarguable that it is divine.

Now just bear with me: magnets.

In the attraction mode, they move things together (see: your nephew's baby pic on the fridge). Flip their polarity and they move things apart. All of us are intimately familiar with the results of magnetism. We've seen magnets snap together in an instantaneous kiss. We've watched them refuse to touch each other like quarreling spouses. The magnet defines the terms "attract" and "repel" in the most organic sense.

I had to take all sorts of science courses in order to earn my EE degree, including thermodynamics. The one thing that stayed with me from that class was this line from the professor: "When you put energy into something, it either moves or it gets hot." (damn, that's a good line)

This is true of your car, your furnace and your body. But magnetism bypasses that venerable decree. It moves stuff without energy. Very few of us assign the proper amount of significance to that fact: magnetism moves things without fuel--and it works all over the world.

This brings me to the point of my essay, a concept that drives me nearly insane: why in the hell aren't we powering our cars with magnets instead of GAS?

Why why why why? WHY!!??

Because we need someone to have a stroke of divine brilliance like Rubik did with his quirky toy. We need someone to wake up one day with an applicable vision of a device composed of magnets that constantly reverse polarity and uses the worldwide phenomenon of magnetism to push and pull and push and pull and push pull pushpull pushpullpushpullpushpullpushpullpushpull and somehow rotate the axles of our cars (or a reasonable facsimile.)

Then, oh, people, people, people, THEN we could stop sending all of our money to the glittering city of Dubai. When a stroke of brilliance comparable to the Rubik's cube meets the lowly magnet, the world will truly change.

Imagine how many people will want to silence the voice that successfully defines the design that replaces the internal combustion engine with the magneto. Imagine how powerful the country that first conquers that technology will be. Imagine how immediately the Middle East will transform into just a place.

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The administration would like to apologize to the reader for the incomprehensible ramblings of the Authoress. The Authoress, as the reader may have surmised, is difficult to control and is often prone to tangents that have little to do with her daily tasks. However, the administration has discovered that sometimes it is best to indulge the Authoress as the Authoress sees the light in the east and has known the metallic taste of blood. The Authoress hears the sound of falling water.